take a flying leap ...

the 29th of february ... it only happens once every four years, leaving whole gaps of time between the repetition of this date. think of all that happens in those 1,460 days that comprise the 'year'.

a lot of action takes place in the regular calendar, without such idiosyncrasies! would you take a flying leap and erase the negative, knowing that you'd have to give up the positive too? kind of like throwing out the baby with the bathwater (although if you are cognisant of the fact that the baby becomes a teenager, maybe you would throw it out with the bathwater!).

so for example, in 2007, jane has the misfortune of receiving a bad diagnosis, being remedied (once and for all!) right now. but would we discard ALL of 2007 to avoid this turn of events? yes, it is pretty awful, but given the choice of a magic wand which could eradicate that, along with EVERYTHING else in the calendar year - well, i don't know about that.

in said past year, we see marlee celebrate (beautifully) her bat mitzvah, along with our nephew josh - amazing. jared graduates middle school and moves onto high school. our family takes a journey through magical morocco, and we even manage to stop in paris for a weekend. we have amazing weekends with the abdulezers. we see our friends and our friends' kids celebrate major milestones. we host an inspiring parlor evening for jdc. we make new friends, encounter new work challenges. we see the kids on visiting day at camp, laughing and happy and tanned. we end the summer with a fantastic journey to israel. jane and i bike through paris in the summer and see a late movie in st. germain des pres. in the beginning of the year, i don't even know where rwanda is - and by december i've been awed by two visits.

a lot can happen in a year - whether it be 365 or 1,460 days. so in this, the most gregorian of days, i resist the urge to take a flying leap ... and just stay put with what we've got.

shabbat shalom!

h

pret a porter

would you believe, it's the car in the shop -
the mini again, oh when will it stop?
we called up vw, said 'one beetle please',
the cooper has really brought us to our knees!

first it caused cancer, of that we are sure,
now motors for wiper blades, that is the cure -
so goodbye dear bad luck charm, hope that we're through,
and with a volkswagen all that's old will be new ...

jane is okay, and feeling quite well,
she's eager for next week, of that i can tell -
for chemo to finish, and be on her way ...
she's definitely looking beyond that friday -

out at the theater with marlee and friends,
a girls night passes, then home in a benz,
legally blonde tonight, and then another,
on saturday with more young gals (and no brothers)

so the boys, we are left to fend for ourselves,
out to a french bistro with wine on the shelves -
some frisée and frites, and good mustard too,
some lamb for dear andi, that cost thirty-two!

we laugh and we chat, while the ladies do play,
and then onto rite-aid for snacks, by the way,
we boys cozied up, all lying on one bed,
to watch bourne identity (all characters - dead!)

jane sees that i am slowing going insane,
and says to me 'why don't you get on a plane'
to paris, you'll go - you could leave tomorrow,
and then you will not be feeling all full of sorrow -

i think about it, make myself well - by the seine,
and then i think about the plan once again,
with air france there's flights, as that's there forté,
too bad that this weekend's the pret a porter ...

not a room to be had, a pity for sure,
so i guess i'll stay home and help with the cure,
a trip we will take, perhaps in the summer,
when we feel as if we're not deep in a bummer

to addis ababa? ethiopian jews?
or cairo and luxor, to see ancient views?
a drive deep in napa, or marfa's artworks,
perhaps back to istanbul, visiting turks!

so good night, my dear friend,
we're nearing the end -
we wish you our best,
and please, get some rest!

shakespeare in love

valium, o' valium - wherefore art thou?

whether 'tis nobler in the mind, to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune (well, you get the picture) ...

cabin fever - walls closing in - life upside down - mayhem - run for the hills ... not quite, actually, just a mini-sense of confinement and temporary insanity. jane is tired but actually okay, just in time for next friday's final dose (insidious clear deadly liquid otherwise known as chemo). whatever will we order from netflix for the big event. it's been a long path; somehow the yellow brick road is losing it's luster! but we go on, life goes on, it's all just a bit much ...

the kids - doing great, doing their thing, being teens and almost-teens. actually quite pleasant of late, surely a result of their status as official loafers for the past ten days. it's seems as if it's ratcheted down the frenzy, which is good! tomorrow i will enjoy the boys in the evening, while jane and marlee get treated (thanks donna & sarah!) to a wonderful evening out in the city ... dinner, then a broadway show (legally blonde) - lucky them, girls night out in nyc! [how will jane stay awake past 9 - i know i sure can't!].

in the meantime, dreaming of paris and a walk along the seine ...

mamas, papas

it's time for all of the mamas and papas to get back to work after the school break:

ba-da ba-da-da-da
ba-da ba-da-da-da
ba-da ba-da-da-da

monday, monday (ba-da ba-da-da-da)
so good to me (ba-da ba-da-da-da)
monday mornin, it was all i hoped it would be
oh monday mornin, monday mornin couldnt guarantee (ba-da ba-da-da-da)
that monday evenin you would still be here with me

monday, monday, cant trust that day
monday, monday, sometimes it just turns out that way
oh monday mornin you gave me no warnin of what was to be
oh monday, monday, how could you leave and not take me

every other day (every other day), every other day
every other day of the week is fine, yeah
but whenever monday comes, but whenever monday comes
a-you can find me cryin all of the time

monday, monday (ba-da ba-da-da-da)
so good to me (ba-da ba-da-da-da)
monday mornin, it was all i hoped it would be
oh monday mornin, monday mornin couldnt guarantee
that monday evenin you would still be here with me

every other day, every other day
every other day of the week is fine, yeah
but whenever monday comes, but whenever monday comes
you can find me cryin all of the time

monday, monday (ba-da ba-da-da-da)
so good to me (ba-da ba-da-da-da)
monday mornin, it was all i hoped it would be
oh monday mornin, monday mornin couldnt guarantee
that monday evenin you would still be here with me

every other day, every other day
every other day of the week is fine, yeah
but whenever monday comes, but whenever monday comes
you can find me cryin all of the time

monday, monday (ba-da ba-da-da-da)
cant trust that day (ba-da ba-da-da-da)
monday, monday (ba-da ba-da-da-da)
it just turns out that way (ba-da ba-da-da-da)
whoa, monday, monday, wont go away (ba-da ba-da-da-da)
monday, monday, its here to stay (ba-da ba-da-da-da)
oh monday, monday (ba-da ba-da-da-da)
oh monday, monday (ba-da ba-da-da-da)

she's havin' my baby!

or so she thinks - poor jane, chemo has left her feeling as if she's carrying twins - yikes! no buns in the oven however, just the remnants of chemicals running through her veins. so be it, this too shall come to pass!

sunday in the city - isn't it a pity! so absolutely lovely, cool and clear. whilst listening to radio france internationale in the car on the way to nolita, we get a call from henry and ali - it's 8:30 in the morning, they'd like to meet us at café gitane - great! we peruse the paper and warm up until they arrive, and enjoy a lovely breakfast together - so nice to catch up! a stroll in soho, past the apple store (maroon 5 concert with people having slept out in front of the store in order to snag a spot), making a loop, a bit of furniture shopping, then we part ways ... so nice to have the company!

back home, to a clean home i might add (thanks kids!) and a bit of lazing about. marlee and i go for a drive on the north shore while jane relaxes - much needed - and andi and jared enjoy friends' company. we convene for dinner with the 5c's for sunday night ben's dinner - again, great to be in the company of our special friends!

end of the school break, everyone back on track tomorrow, jane back to work, and life returns to it's rhythm for now.

the mini cooper's windshield wipers are not working - always an ominous sense of doom prevailing when the car starts to falter ... wish us luck!

h

IN-A certain way...

many people have asked jane, throughout the last few months, how she has remained so upbeat and positive ... not letting things get her down OR slow her down.

i suppose, in part, that this is her nature ... she is in fact quite strong physically and emotionally, so that plays a great role in all of this. and her history - leaving iraq by force at the age of 10, moving to a new country with a new language, then repeating again at the age of 15 (although not a enforced relocation, formidable nonetheless). the rigors of medical school, residency, internships, fellowships, and then simply surviving new york, regular life, three kids, work, et al. ultimately, it all makes one stronger.

we have friends who have gone through really rough patches, and certainly one can reflect on any manner of humanity and see the horrible things that people endure, for no good reason. health is one thing (and when it goes in the wrong direction, very bad indeed), but think of unnecessary war, the genocide in rwanda, the holocaust, recent events in kenya - and it just leaves you scratching your head.

and then there is the matter of ina (my late sister), who passed away at the age of 30. today on her birthday, we think of how she lived, gracefully and full of dignity, with diabetes - trudging through, working, being a mother, sister, wife, friend, daughter, niece. we realize that, of course, it's how one lives that is critical. she is a figure who remains inspirational in the best way possible, and it's easy to recall how full of life she was on this, her 'special day'. it's too much to actually question 'why' or 'how' - just a matter of keeping on keeping on.

so, jane has had a good many examples to follow, to bolster her own innate positive outlook on things, and for that we are all thankful!

inta' macy's

an intimate, snowy day - full of love, cocoa, friends, brownies, and fried ckicken - delicious on all counts!

in·ti·ma·cy /ˈɪntəməsi/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciat[in-tuh-muh-see] –noun, plural -cies.

1.	the state of being intimate.

2.	a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group.

3.	a close association with or detailed knowledge or deep understanding of a place, subject, period of history, etc.: an intimacy with japan.

4.	an act or expression serving as a token of familiarity, affection, or the like: to allow the intimacy of using first names.

5.	an amorously familiar act; liberty.

6.	sexual intercourse.

7.	the quality of being comfortable, warm, or familiar: the intimacy of the room.

8.	privacy, esp. as suitable to the telling of a secret: in the intimacy of his studio.

intimacy
noun
1.	close or warm friendship; "the absence of fences created a mysterious intimacy in which no one knew privacy" [syn: familiarity]
2.	a usually secretive or illicit sexual relationship [syn: affair]
3.	a feeling of being intimate and belonging together; "their closeness grew as the night wore on" [syn: closeness] ˈintimacy [-məsi] noun the quality of being intimate arabic: ألفَه، مَوَدَّه chinese (simplified): 亲密 chinese (traditional): 親密 czech: důvěrnost danish: intimitet; fortrolighed; fortrolig bemærkning dutch: intimiteit estonian: lähedus finnish: läheisyys french: intimité german: die Vertrautheit greek: οικειότητα hungarian: bizalmasság icelandic: innilegt samband indonesian: keakraban italian: intimità japanese: 親密 korean: 친분 latvian: intimitāte lithuanian: artimumas, intymumas norwegian: fortrolighet, intimitet polish: bliskość portuguese (brazil): intimidade portuguese (portugal): intimidade romanian: intimitate russian: интимность slovak: dôvernosť slovenian: intimnost spanish: intimidad swedish: förtrolighet, intimitet turkish: yakın olma, teklifsizlik

tea and sympathy ...

it's interesting what one learns about their own persona during a time of crisis. particularly throughout a week of everyone being around - no school, no work for jane, sort of in limbo around the house. we've realized that we have actually, after 20+ years, actually done everything that there is to do in new york (or everything that we would actually want to do). additionally, we're not exactly motivated ... the kids just want to sleep, eat, watch tv, read, and repeat. jane is zonked as she's not sleeping at night so she's a zombie during the day.

and i make tea, and run low on sympathy. not that anyone is actually asking for either ...

tea ... andi and his lemon zinger. jane and her moroccan mint. i've graduated to french press coffee. round and round we go - the days sort of dragging on, and then it's another meal - fettucine bolognese, tartes, stuffed shells, greek salads, lemon poppy seed muffins, popovers, brownies ... never ending.

now about that sympathy. i suppose that since jane does not complain, that quality is not forthcoming - not from me, and and not from the kids. empathy? yes, sure, why not. we're there for her, helping out how we can, taking her out when she needs to break the monotony, etc.. that's worth something, isn't it?

jane really is not comfortable this week - this has been the most severe effects of the three treatments so far - so we've learned to just hang, work, and do our thing. all in all, it's okay, and by the weekend she should be back on the road to feeling 'normal'. this evening she remarks that in a year from now, we'll look back on this and it will all be an obscure, distant memory - and of course, i know that she's right.

sometimes it's just getting to that point that takes a long, long time!

my life as a dog ...

one of the upsides of jane's breast cancer diagnosis (oxymoron!) is our family's discovery of netflix. no, we have not been living under a rock, just somehow this escaped us. everytime we want to sit down together to watch a movie on tv - almost never, actually - there is nothing on! incredibly frustrating. but now, we have this online dvd ordering service - so easy, quick, and fun! they have every single movie ever made i think ... foreign, funny, just released, etc..

so last night, we treat ourselves to the swedish classic my life as a dog. a very bittersweet film detailing the humorous shenanigans of a young boy whose mother is gravely ill (t.b. or cancer, not quite sure). he reflects often on his own condition, but then compares it to others who are much worse off than him (in a most endearing and comical way) ... of course, no one's head was been blown off, and there's not much sexuality or swearing - amazing we are still able to be entertained!

on this beautiful sunny day, we chill out ... jane reads for a good part of the day, the kids sleep forever, and i do a little cooking. jane is functional but uncomfortable - just not feeling herself, alas no traveling over the next few days (so thoughts of an impromptu trip are out the window). a round of haircuts for all ... except for jane and i of course. [the kids deride us: "we have the only two bald parents in new york", etc.!]. then off to the city for a quick bite of asian at lovely day ... yum and fun!

now home under the covers, watching some tv ... everyone's in, it's nice and toasty ... it's a dog's life!

rainy days and mondays ...

a lazy day today, jane not quite up to par - we take it easy, doing a bit of work, eating a few crepes, and hang out ...

we finally make it to in bruges - the action thriller set in this lovely belgian town. a great movie if you like murderous rampages (we don't) and actors speaking in hushed cockney (inaudible). aside from thugs getting blown to bits, flung off buildings, or stabbed, a very delightful and uplifting cinema verité experience. ugghhhh.

a deli dinner, then back home. jane is slow, and full of aches, and tired - thankfully there is only one more treatment, as it's taking it's toll on her (not to mention the cabin fever). so it goes, she's chugging along ...

everyone to bed early, except for me (uncharacteristic) - just saw the movie black book [netflix] which was equally violent, but gripping and compelling, and in the end, very inspiring!

h

it's going to be a long, long, long week

today we manage to collect everyone, rouse them from their slumbers, and make our way towards manhattan. for the first sunday in memory, we hit traffic at the bridge, so we desperately try an alternate route (the suburban shifting about like a fly trying to look for an open window). alas, back to the williamsburg and into the city, just on time for a good parking spot and an even better table at c.g.. petit dejeuner is delicious as always.

jane is not 100% today - fine in the morning, but really a bit too sore for strolling briskly. so we settle in at the bookstore, lounging and reading quietly - the kids sequestered with simpsons comics and other joys, me locked in the travel section, and jane upstairs with more literary pursuits.

the kids want to go home, but i say no - let's go catch the action thriller in bruges - filmed on location in this belgian city, with english dialogue. we misread the movie time - it's not in 5 minutes, rather 75 minutes from that moment. we grab more lattés at aroma (the israeli soho outpost), peruse the goods at moss, then make it back to the theater - only to learn that all of the films have been delayed indefinitely due to a technical glitch. that's what i said. so, refund in hand, we make our way home to allow jane to rest.

it's mild and grey, and before we know it, everyone has split - instant messaging, drawing, sleeping, tv watching. and i am at the helm of the ship - the viking stove - baking crisp tart shells to fill with meyer-lemon curd, whipping up cilantro laced tom ka gai (coconut chicken soup), and grilling brochettes of chicken and beef teriyaki [could be final rumblings about missing out on asia this week].

it's going to be a long week.

the kids are off through NEXT monday, and we're really not certain if jane has the energy to travel (vermont and montreal seem to be the picks, today). we'll have to play it by ear. however, the thought of doing this for 7 more days (enforced hard labor) is not appealing.

we fondly recall the days when we used to complain about picking up the kids' food that had fallen during the meal hour. "when will we have to stop wiping the floor after dinner?", we would lament. well, that's over and done with - now we're onto full blown 'dinner parties' three times a day ... crepes, exotic fromage paninis, hand cut potato chips with aioli, and all sorts of complicated evening menus. the king never had it so good (and this is strictly not-for-profit!!!).

we'll see what develops - jane needs her rest.

so do i.

la cage aux folles

well, the good news is that it's 7pm, and when i ask jane if she needs to get ready (we're leaving in 15 minutes), she says "not really". just a flip of one of the many wigs, sitting ominously on their hollow head racks, and she's good to go ... sure beats hours of haircare every day! jane comments that when she has her makeup done, and just prior to putting on a hairpiece, she feels as if she's something out of the film la cage aux folles - too funny!!!

someone doesn't sleep a wink all night ... when i am up at 5:30 i find jane slumped over in a fatboy beanbag in front of the flat screen, kind of listless and staring into space! alas, she's fine, just in need of a latté, and promises to take a good afternoon nap.

i spend a few hours out alone with marlee, shopping and running errands on this glorious winter day - crisp and clear. we have a great time, and return home to make giant bowls of asian noodle soup with bok choy, napa cabbage, udon noodles, thai chilis, scallion, carrot, and thinly sliced chicken - all in an eastern coconut broth (delicious). the afternoon passes, jane rests, and i walk in the state park behind the house with the [complaining] kids. lovely all around.

we enjoy an intimiate and warm dinner party, celebrating a friends' 50th in the company of riotous, fun, and good friends. a spectacular time is had by all, and at 11 we depart - fearing jane will turn into a pumpkin. she looks fantastic and is feeling great this evening - good color, energy, and spirits - leading all the rest of us into a relaxed state of mind.

and of course, demain matin, café gitane!

chemo, chemo, 1, 2, 3

day three of poison,
what a joy!
the fine clear liquid,
oy, yoy, yoy ...

we wake up early,
straighten each room
drink a great big latté,
with a sense of doom!

everybody up and out,
get the kids to school,
arrive on time for chemo,
they tell us that's the rule

through netflix we've furnished,
ourselves with dvd's -
hannah and her sisters,
in computer on my knees ...

all this stuff goes smoothly,
much seltzer we do drink -
we watch some mary tyler moore,
and have no time to think

we cheerily wish nurse au revoir,
and say that we'll have lunch,
a grand luxe salad hits the spot,
a good place for this munch

to home we go, more coffee's brewed,
we do some work at one
and pick up mail and kids at three,
see chemo is such fun!

jane is fine, just feeling great,
and she looks quite well too,
but then when i get back from dropoffs,
she's feeling kind of blue

the steroids - have they done their job?
she's feeling really sore,
which just came on in quite a flash,
there's more of that in store ...

kristals drop by, with some hugs,
and shabbat dinner too -
flowers, wine, and their warm words
their kindness, nothing new!

on politics, we have a chat,
and speak about obama,
he's got my vote for president,
bet he can find osama!

we all convene for friday night,
the dinner is delicious,
and when the kids do help clean up,
i'm feeling quite suspicious

we settle down, put our feet up,
and turn on pbs
to watch britcoms from bbc,
'bout how life is a mess

so now, three down, but one to go
and my, see how time flies -
just one more dose and then jane's done,
we'll say our fond goodbyes!

can disease save your life?

i often have strange thoughts roaming around my brain.

today on the drive home from the city, i hear the song 'ironic', which amongst other topics, notes the craziness of taking a flight for the first time and having the plane crash down. simple enough reasoning in a song with this title. and then fear of flying sticks with me, and while i bake a heart shaped puff pastry tarte, i reflect on the lyrics. at this hour, we are to be sweeping across the pacific on a hong kong bound jetliner. we've canceled our tickets to make way for jane's timely treatments and speedy recovery (tomorrow morning is chemo 3 of 4 - almost there!).

and i think - can illness really grab you from the clutches, of, well, 'unfortunate circumstances'?

i'm not a big believer in fate - more like right place, right time, or pure bad luck, etc.. and then ... imagine for a moment (and not that this would be wished upon ANYONE, because it is truly awful), that our adventure to the far east has been annulled ... for the sole reason that jane has been on the road to wellness as a result of her diagnosis ... and that we find out that our flight is ill-fated - well, just doesn't quite make it, and we just happen to not be on board.

and then, one would think "thank g-d jane has contracted this disease - it has saved our lives!".

oh, i know, it's rather sick and dark, and trust me, i don't go around wondering about this all of the time, but it does make one ponder. are there people out there believing that they are blessed, because the results of something that has invaded their bodies (seemingly ominous) has in fact turned out to be their (and their family's) savior?

wishing everyone well, and that all flights make it safely to their destinations!

isn't it ironic? a little too ironic?

assassination of gandhi

my dear friends. have you ever had a curry in a hurry? delhi belly? rajasthani biryani?

tonight, we continue the wednesday evening tradition of family night out - a time to chat, relax - sort of a mid-week pick-me-up if you will. early on in the school year, we realize that this is the night where we are all open at an early hour, and that we can sneak into the city for a dose of life, maybe a book-reading, and some noodles. we hold steady to this routine, until jared becomes a wrestler (yes, i agree).

now that the 'sport' is finished, we've reinstituted the evening out. but instead of the lower east side, we contemplate suburban hicksville on this rainy evening. jane needs a hit of full on flavor, and is craving indian - and this area is known to have the best. but instead of house of dosas, a regular spot, she researches, she emails, she investigates, and comes upon another establishment, even going so far as to chat up the owner.

hmmm ... there's something fishy in kerala. or in goa. this place is horrendous! the decor, tacky, but not in a wallpaper sort of way. the proprietors - well, jewish mothers seem positively aloof compared to the invasive hovering at our table. cleanliness - forget about it! katz's deli looks mr. clean sparkling compared to this eatery. and the food. gives new meaning to the term rubber chicken dinner. clumped rice. twice dead lamb. chicken biryani? chicken biry-accchhh-i!

does not bring forth fond memories of dining under the stars at devi garh some two years ago (exactly) ... a brilliant setting, twinkling lights from both the village below and the stars above. no, this place is positively awful!

i actually totally lose my cool, scream at jane who is going to have chemo in two days! this is NOT my idea of a family evening out, and i'm amazed that we're not all stuck in the loo on the verge of collapse! the bill - $150 (for garbage). so after berating jane for insisting on trying this spot, i do something that neither of us have ever thought of doing in our wildest dreams. i have her call the restaurant and tell them that the food was absolutely inedible. they hastily offer to not put the charge through on the credit card - an equitable resolution although i think they still owe us for pain and suffering!

the rest of the day ... hmmm. we actually see a doctor! i'm used to getting news of some sorts on an hourly basis these days - but nothing for weeks now! so we make it to the surgeon to discuss the progress of healing, what happens next, and getting jane's torn earlobe fixed (don't ask). it's all good, and we even have room for dessert - consisting of bumping into a close friend coming in as we are going out (lovefest as breasts are compared in the office bathroom). again, don't ask.

that is the only dessert to be had - don't venture down the road of poisonous mango ice cream tonight ... hope we live to tell the tale! capped off by andi asking for a billion homemade valentine heart shaped shortbread cookies with red and white icing, for class tomorrow ... sweet!

wonder woman

today, as happens many days, i am told that jane is amazing - inspirational, and that her way of moving through this experience is affecting and WILL affect others who may also face unsettling events. both linda and debbie share their thoughts on the way jane carries herself, her positive attitude, her physical and emotional strength, and her ability to see clearly through all of the haze. even having a bit of naughty fun with the wigs seems to lend much needed (and frivolous) levity during these times.

and though i agree with our friends' assessments, i must confess that it is not only jane that has dealt with adverse conditions in this way. oh, for sure her style is all her own, and that is reflective of her own idiosyncractic ways. but let me share with you something else. we have incredible role models to follow - friends who have gone through similar or parallel situations, and have amazed us with their inner fortitude, resolve, determination, and general good humor.

and that's 'just' in the scope of cancer. think of those around the planet that suffer daily without food or water or prospects for a better life. do you know, for example, that life expectancy in many countries is 45 years old? that's our age. so, it is in fact easy to complain or wonder why, and certainly not to minimize what jane is enduring, but maybe this is in part what keeps her moving forward.

or maybe being a physician allows one to see things in more black and white terms - do 'this' and get 'that' result - actions and consequences. or it could be that, growing up in baghdad and suffering persecution (and subsequently having to flee to other countries) sets one up for dealing with adversity. or maybe it's just being married to me that's made her tough!

who knows.

maybe it's just jane, being jane.

h

karma chameleon

whenever a day goes this lousy, i always tend to extrapolate ... what ELSE will happen? what else can go wrong? do the days somehow know to bunch up all these little things, grouping them together to impose a greater sense of chaos and disarray on the unwitting victims, or is it just a spot of bad luck?

or will there be an earthquake tomorrow, or worse?

well, it's all 'small stuff', so no matter - printers exploding, internet disappearing, phones not working, washing machine threatening to self-combust, toilets leaking, water filters spontaneously becoming full-fledged fountains ... hmmm, on second thought, where is that hard hat of mine?

and, it is monday. start to the week, which will end with the kids being off for a seven days. no vacation ratified, we'll cruise through (with trepidation!). jane will just be getting over chemo, everyone scattering for the break ... we need to make some plans so we can structure the days a bit ... get out, see new york (or at least, the new york that WE never see). rangers games. broadway shows. observation decks. botanical gardens. uptown. a real culture club! i'm certain i can't bear to watch everyone shuffling around in their pj's for a week - been there, done that.

we'd love to take off for a few days at the end of next week - a mini-break in prague? frida kahlo's house in mexico city? riding bikes in santa monica? strolling the streets of charleston? a last-minute club med no-brainer? skiing in vermont? driving to montreal to see friends?

we'll play it by ear, gauge jane's health and energy, and make a decision. there's always the lure of the big apple!

love potion no. 9

T.G.I.S.!

sunday, sunday - in the city - our usual routine ... jane is up for café gitane (eerily quiet) on this gorgeous sunday morning. we read the paper, munch on our petit dejeuner, and venture out for a stroll downtown - glorious and complete regenerative! we're good to walk, so we hit the book store, the design store (matter), the apple store (love that new 'air book'!), and end off with another coffee and delicious breads and condiments at le pain quotidien (belly's hurting!). so glad jane is feeling okay ...

on the way home, a bit of mellow classical music but i may have tired jane out a bit - we make it back, and the kids have tidied up the house - fantastic - and we grab them to go buy some school supplies needed for the week and some jeans (andi's knees are gone on all of his pants a la oliver twist!). debbie from belgium calls us we are all crowded into a dressing room at h&m with a million pair of pants - quite comical actually - but alas we are successful. it always seems as if we are clothing depleted at the beginning of february, just on time to stock up for the customary 'february break' trip (none this year due to chemo schedule!).

back home, the older ones and i have work to do, and jane is totally pooped. i insist that she stays home (she was to be at a birthday party with andi) and she relents, although not easily. she needs her rest for the week - friday is treatment no. 3 (like love potion no. 9 - not quite!).

when we're all done with homework and work-work, we convene for peanut butter sandwiches, an episode of 'the office', and early to bed for ALL!

gimme' some love!

what a day!

energized from a nice shabbat dinner and a family viewing of across the universe (still amazing) on friday night, we wake up and blare the soundtrack throughout the house. fresh baked croissants early in the morning, in honor of the guest of honor who refuses to be recognized as a guest - so the housemate of honor! delightful as always to have gilda with us, although we miss the rest of her crew!!!

a languid breakfast is followed by an early trip into the city to visit the gagosian gallery, and the RED exhibit - a series of really fantastic works by blue-chip artists in a glorious gallery space! the proceeds from the sale of the pieces should fetch upwards of 25 million dollars, all of which will go to the u.n.'s fund to combat aids in africa. the auction is being conducted by sotheby's - neither them nor larry gagosian will take a profit from this superb program (which only runs 4 - 13 february) ... don't miss it if you can!

what to eat? taim, of course! frites with saffron aioli, harissa falafel, moroccan carrots, spiced indian chai - oh, how full we all are - achingly and deliciously full that is! a real treat. pop off to marc jacobs for more t-shirts for marlee ... sadly, the $5 pile has gone - poof! back in the car to drop gilda at laguardia, and she makes it on time for a slightly earlier flight, negating any need to hang out at the airport, staring at stale au bon pain products and flipping through magazines. we ship her back with white chocolate cheesecake for the gang ...

THANKS FOR EVERYTHING GILDA - LOTS OF LOVE!

time to get ready for the evening gala at our synagogue - not feeling motivated at 5pm (lying around in bed actually!) we somehow snap into action. jane, looking positively ravishing, whilst complaining about how she thinks she looks terrible (on what planet?) ... absolutely gorgeous, and in fact, full of energy on a saturday night! we drink and talk and eat(!!!) and really enjoy the live band and a fun table of wonderful friends. i have to drag her out at 11:30 pm - feeling we may turn into pumpkins, but knowing full well that she should get a good night's rest.

café gitane, radio france, mcnally robinson bookshop, and a stroll in soho all await in the morning!

australians are insane

*sung to the tune of waltzing matilda - (duhhhhh!)*
----------------------------------------------------------
once a jolly swagman camped by a billabong,
under the shade of a coolibah tree,
and he sang as he watched and waited 'til his billy boiled
"who'll come a-waltzing ma-GILDA, with me?"

waltzing ma-GILDA, waltzing ma-GILDA
"you'll come a-waltzing ma-GILDA, with me"
and he sang as he watched and waited 'til his billy boiled,
"you'll come a-waltzing ma-GILDA with me".

down came a jumbuck to drink at the billabong,
up got the swagman and grabbed him with glee,
and he sang as he stowed that jumbuck in his tucker bag,
"you'll come a-waltzing ma-GILDA, with me".

waltzing ma-GILDA, waltzing ma-GILDA
"you'll come a-waltzing ma-GILDA, with me"
and he sang as he stowed that jumbuck in his tucker bag,
"you'll come a-waltzing ma-GILDA, with me".

down came the squatter, mounted on his thoroughbred,
up came the troopers, one, two, three,
"where's that jolly jumbuck you've got in your tucker bag?"
"you'll come a-waltzing ma-GILDA, with me".

waltzing ma-GILDA waltzing ma-GILDA
"you'll come a-waltzing ma-GILDA, with me"
"who's that jolly jumbuck you've got in your tucker bag?",
"you'll come a-waltzing ma-GILDA, with me".

up got the swagman and jumped into the billabong,
"you'll never catch me alive," said he,
and his ghost may be heard as you passed by that billabong,
"who'll come a-waltzing ma-GILDA, with me?"

waltzing ma-GILDA, waltzing ma-GILDA
who'll come a-waltzing ma-GILDA, with me
and his ghost may be heard as you passed by that billabong,
"who'll come a-waltzing ma-GILDA, with me?"
----------------------------------------------------------
what the *%&$#@* is this song about anyway?

surprise, surprise!

today, cakes are made, rooms are cleaned, schedules are cleared - and yet, jane does not suspect a thing ... for gilda's surprise arrival! she sneaks in on the afternoon air canada flight from montreal and i collect her between dropoffs and pickups. i can't believe that nobody guesses a thing - damn, we're good!

it is so amazing to have gilda with us - thanks to the rest of the abdulezers for letting us have her until saturday! i have secretly arranged to have jane's medical appointment canceled for friday, so that 'the girls' can enjoy a day in the city tomorrow - lunching, shopping, museum hopping - great for both of them to have this precious time together (particularly since gilda's originally planned visit got snowed in!).

back at home, gilda and i enjoy a glass of wine before the little ones reappear ... jane working until 7pm - she actually leaves a message for gilda at home in montreal on her way home! the kids are absolutely shocked to see her standing in the house - amazed actually!!! still no sign of jane ...

finally! she pulls up, just as i finish preparing a huge dinner - she comes through the door, wig-less, and gilda calls out 'yona' (her former nickname) ... shock and awe! the girls bond, as always, and a lovefest ensues. they hug, they kiss, they try on wigs, they laugh ... and despite my threats of death, we are all treated not only to this wonderful visit, but also to gilda and morris' generous spirit ... chocolates! magazines! jewelry! sports books! aaahhhhhhhh!

although i have to twist and shout, i finally get them to stop cleaning up from dinner and just SIT DOWN and enjoy each other, while i put the kids to work blowing up beds and organizing the teen lounge into a guest room. time for a bit of wine - i'm sure the girls will be up chatting late (they're going through yearbooks now) - it's going to be a long night! ...

all misty eyed

there's a gorilla in our midst - an 800 pound gorilla for that matter! we just walk gingerly around it - moving to and fro as if it's not there. seems to work somehow ...

so all of this chemo has taken over jane body and mind (but not her spirit!) - she really can't remember things, feels a bit puffy, more tired than usual, etc.. basically, it totally sucks! and i am utterly intolerant and impatient when she forgets these small details, so i've come to the conclusion that i am a horrible caregiver, and by extension, a horrible person! the kids - well, they just make fun of her to add more levity (and misery!) to the whole process ... quel horreur!

another day slips by ... school conferences for marlee (great!), which brings a smile to our faces. election results do the same, and as previously noted we are both happy with either democratic candidate, so that's all good. and to further keep the train moving, i suggest we return to wednesday night dinners in the city as a family ... but by the time that rolls around, jane is feeling sore and tired. we opt for sushi out here, and stocking the house with groceries (forcing the kids into unwelcome, and in their opinion, unwarranted child labor!).

we round out the evening with rootbeer and our netflix copy of gorillas in the mist - the story of dian fossey in rwanda. very inspiring and frightening at the same time ... this lone ranger who almost singlehandedly stopped the extinction of the african mountain gorilla, while suffering through their horrific slaughter and her own eventual demise. incredible, as today it is possible to venture into virunga national park, just two hours from kigali, and be up close with these amazing souls.

no gorillas for jane until a week from friday, so we're just focusing on staying in our groove until then - eating well, friends, exercise, and life!

split personality

banana split
splitsville
split, croatia
split the difference
split decision
stock split
splitter
split screen
split second
california split
split rock
split lip
splitting hairs
lickety split

so that's it. we split. kaput. divide and conquer. we're done. jane and harley are finished as you know them! we've just returned from voting - two (formerly) happily married professionals, registered democrats, free thinkers. a little too free: "who are you voting for mom?", query the kids. "hillary", she replies. "dad, are you REALLY voting for obama?", they ask (with glee!). "yep, i'm doing it!", i say.

oh, they like that. now this is dinner table conversation. we each have our reasons, and we would both be happy, thrilled actually, with either candidate. [although frankly, a chair could do a better job than our current president]. so, although we're each playing for a different team, we're in the same league. the kids relish the possibility of a clinton-obama ticket, or an obama-clinton ticket. anything but gwb!

so, another right of passage, an opportunity for us to express ourselves and our vision for equality, health care, education, foreign policy. we're both confident that there's only one way to go, and that's up. my reasons? click HERE.

jane - elected to be feeling much better today - what a super tuesday!

it's the chemo, stupid!

so, tomorrow looms super tuesday!

we may not know who we're voting for yet - an odd place to be in pre-election day. but as they say, it's the economy, stupid! [it's the war, stupid too!].

but over here in our neck of the woods, it's the chemo, stupid! yep, it's all about the chemo. jane has done great with her treatments - halfway there. but this whole regimen has taken it's toll, even if all is running smoothly on the surface. although jane has felt much better this second round, it's tiring, and definitely takes over. anything that can kill all of your hair follicles, make you all bumpy and lumpy, and turn your body inside out has GOT to be potent.

somehow, double mastectomy seems quite tame compared to all of this. and despite jane's good spirits, and our belief that she will be 100% fine after all is said and done, this is not fun! the most perplexing thing is that jane really does look great. but she's a bit out of it - missing bits i say (well, maybe that's intentional), not her usual 'quick' self. she's doing her thing though - work, kids, the house, all despite my protests! to no avail ... and the husband rarely prevails.

i don't know about her, but i also feel out of it, full of aches and pains, and putting on pounds daily! i think they call that sympathy chemo! ugggghhhhh! super tuesday indeed ...

giants and patriots

it's a curious thing, this football obsession. grown men in tights, running with a pigskin ball up and down a field with, oh, say, 200 million people watching. kind of puts the gladiators to shame (of course, they didn't have coca cola commercials, or justin timberlake to hawk products).

i digress. today i start the day with a not-totally-atypical mid-life crisis ... are we on the right path, what are we doing, what is the meaning of life? unfortunately, said crisis goes unresolved, although as the day wears on we seem to care less about this.

sunday morning, and we miss our zip into the city ... jane is giving a lecture entitled preparing your daughter for college to a packed house, and i am co-chairing a synagogue trip to israel in december, with our first kick-off meeting at the same time. alas, we must make do without our treat! withdrawal!

everyone somehow makes it back home early afternoon - kids are up and dressed (finally!), we chillax a bit, then the boys are off and running to friends to watch superbowl XLII (presumably, the use of roman numerals is a gentle nod to the aforementioned gladiators). which brings us to the team names. at least the gladiators wielded swords and wore some armor - outfits befitting their gruesome and masculine task.

watching the giants and the patriots, one has to ask, what's in a name. well, the patriots - let's see ... by grabbing this moniker, one can only assume that the implication is that the other team are in fact NOT patriots. nor are they patriotic, or americans in fact! they are to be villified, and they invite you to join the process. the giants, on the other hand - well, they MUST be bigger than the other guys - both in physical stature, fan power, and legacy. so in reality, the names are less definitive and are more relative. got it.

which leads me back to my morning mid-life crisis - which comes on the heels of all that has transpired over the last few months, which comes on the heels of the rest of life preceeding that. how can grown men in tights, tossing a pig-skin ball, garner so much attention, praise, and accolades, while cancer researchers remain un-feted, artists go unknown, aid workers flash anonymously across the screen? a curious thing, this mass worship of man's mastery over the ball.

maybe we'll get there too sometime ... often we feel like we're fumbling!

library card

today jane wakes up zonked and a bit out of it, and after much pleading i convince her to slow down, take it easy, and work from home ... unbelievably, i am successful. she rests, does her paper and computer work, and catches up at a somewhat relaxed pace. by mid morning she looks and feels better, actually quite well indeed, and at noon i kidnap her for some air and a walk.

we both get a bit dressed up, and head into the city for a quick bite, before the kids come back in the latter part of the afternoon. we zip in through the midtown tunnel, and instead of our usual haunts, we make our way to the renzo-piano-renovated morgan library on madison avenue. a number of great old buildings have been tied together with a rigorous glass and steel structure, creating an indoor piazza which is serene and animated simultaneously.

we wander the spaces, admiring the mix of new and old, and i can plainly see that it has breathed new life into jane! we check out the exhibit of the drawings on loan from the uffizi gallery in firenze - heavenly studies in chalk, pencil, and ink. beautiful and inspiring work ... we also peruse j.p. morgan's extensive collection of books and manuscripts, all neatly arranged in solemn and almost monastic spaces. incredible!

we decide to dine at the library in the morgan dining room - a gorgeous cube of a space, intimate in scale and detail, espousing a lovely and well crafted menu worthy of this gorgeous setting. the service is indulgent, the breads delicious, and the meal scrumptious! wine helps to take the sting out of an otherwise dreary day (although jane sticks to h2o), and we mellow out and enjoy the end of the week. we languish for a long time, terminating with illy espressos and a dessert sampler (lavender creme brulée, poached pears, apple tartlet with cinnamon ice cream, cookies - mmmmmmm!). all in all, a nice 'save' from what started off as not so great.

we do a little wig shopping, jane having some fun and picking up a few sassy numbers, before lurching through friday afternoon traffic. we make it home, jane feeling really well, and prepare for a southwestern dinner which i prepped before we left. the kids descend with friends, we have a full shabbat dinner table, and a lively discussion with the teens about the current political situation - hillary or obama. can't believe that with only minimal prodding they are willing to share their (informed) opinions about the elections.

friday night melts away, ahhhhh.