i love, i love, i love my calendar girl!

it seems like just yesterday. me - in my hotel room overlooking pristine lake gisenyi, on the border with the democratic republic of congo, in rwanda. pondering the tranquility of the scene, juxtaposed with the humanitarian and political crisis just over the border post. jane - at home in wintry new york, learning that she has a chance to maximize her odds of not having any sort of cancer recurrence, and exploring chemotherapy as an option.

at the time, we agree that it's probably the best thing to do, and that if we cancel our trip to hong kong and tokyo, jane can start the first of four treatment straight away in january. "i'll be done by march 7th", i remember. surprising short and manageable, and yet excruciatingly far away.

well, here we are. tomorrow is march 7th, the last of four sessions. it's all quite pedestrian now - the netflix movies, the seltzer bottles, the colorful bag full of 'stuff' purchased in amsterdam over thanksgiving weekend, the headphones to drown out the loud tv played by one of the patients who's always there. then grand luxe for a salad, home for a latté, and winding down with a lovely shabbat dinner brought by friends (this week, the nassims - thanks!). a routine that, despite making the best of a bad situation, we will be happy to say 'good riddance' to!

of course, it's not like waving a magic wand. it will take a few weeks for jane to feel back to herself (this last 'recovery' was particularly arduous), and then the real recuperation takes place ... back to exercise, hair eventually growing back, chemo brain (chemo-nesia) lifting, shifted weight disappearing. a nip and tuck here and there, and it will be like a bad dream!

that day in rwanda, hearing the news, seems like a moment ago and a million miles away. the end of this part of the journey ushers in a new period ...

can disease save your life?

i often have strange thoughts roaming around my brain.

today on the drive home from the city, i hear the song 'ironic', which amongst other topics, notes the craziness of taking a flight for the first time and having the plane crash down. simple enough reasoning in a song with this title. and then fear of flying sticks with me, and while i bake a heart shaped puff pastry tarte, i reflect on the lyrics. at this hour, we are to be sweeping across the pacific on a hong kong bound jetliner. we've canceled our tickets to make way for jane's timely treatments and speedy recovery (tomorrow morning is chemo 3 of 4 - almost there!).

and i think - can illness really grab you from the clutches, of, well, 'unfortunate circumstances'?

i'm not a big believer in fate - more like right place, right time, or pure bad luck, etc.. and then ... imagine for a moment (and not that this would be wished upon ANYONE, because it is truly awful), that our adventure to the far east has been annulled ... for the sole reason that jane has been on the road to wellness as a result of her diagnosis ... and that we find out that our flight is ill-fated - well, just doesn't quite make it, and we just happen to not be on board.

and then, one would think "thank g-d jane has contracted this disease - it has saved our lives!".

oh, i know, it's rather sick and dark, and trust me, i don't go around wondering about this all of the time, but it does make one ponder. are there people out there believing that they are blessed, because the results of something that has invaded their bodies (seemingly ominous) has in fact turned out to be their (and their family's) savior?

wishing everyone well, and that all flights make it safely to their destinations!

isn't it ironic? a little too ironic?