youth on tap

all this talk about getting old - a seemingly endless obsession - is finally dissipating! yes, it's true that this morning i DID organize our pill drawer ("jane, is this ambien or vytorin?"), going so far as the label the tops of the bottles with the appropriate medication so we don't accidentally OD on something. also to ensure that i'm not on tamoxifen and jane isn't taking plavix!

and yes, all of our peers have had their own brushes with physical peril - cancers, heart ailments, and all manner of plagues (boils, frogs, etc.). so what to do? we counteract all of this with our own brand of medicine ... the city and it's young population.

last night, furtively typing on our laptops while indulging in smoked mozzarella and pesto tartlets, summer vegetable bisque, and warm tomatoes, we decide it's time for a drink. off we go at 8-ish to the lower east side, and plunk ourselves down amongst the pretty and hunky twenty somethings, trying desperately to fit in!

ahh, spitzers' corner. street-front seating, al fresco, wide plank benches, and fifty beers on tap. throngs of generation X'ers (do they still call them that) coming and going, lounging at the long tables. jane and i order up some on tap specials and sit back, enjoying the vibe. a benefit of our seemingly self-imposed exile.

we suddenly realize that our own offspring will probably be sitting here before we know it ... and laugh hysterically that one night we'll walk into one of these hip spots, only to find jared and marlee out with a bunch of friends.

who will be more mortified - them or us? i think i know the answer!

nice to be feeling young again!

on dating ...

i remark to a wise (but not old!) friend the other morning that jane and i have fallen into a curious new routine - at least for us, considering that we are customarily social butterflies in the summer months. and certainly a bit odd, considering events of the past year.

throughout jane's journey through her encounter with breast cancer, we stay in touch with everyone - via blog, phone calls, lots of visits, friday night dinners, saturdays with friends, sundays in the city. being plugged in not only is helpful to the kids, but we really believe that it helps in the healing process. those times - and there were only a few of them - when either jane or i weren't up to be around people, we push ourselves and remain engaged. so 'looking back', even after this short interval since all treatments are completed, we see a picture of continuity ... we move through the experience without missing a beat.

so one would think that there is a huge sigh of relief (there is), and as the kids ship off to canada for another rowdy camp period, we should(?) be whooping it up every night - dinner parties, large gatherings of friends, weekends away - right?

well, in fact the opposite has seemed to happen. we seem to be a bit 'unplugged' ... not exactly sequestered, and surely our brand of low-key socializing would perhaps strike others as full steam ahead. but it does seem, to us at least, that we've quieted down and that this summer is full of calm and introspection. we work during the day, and sometimes into early evening; i organize the house after a year of chaos; then we find our way downtown for a glass of wine in nolita.

i mention this to my friend, and she looks at me askew. "you're dating", she says. "you're dating your wife"! ahhhhh!!! it's like a light bulb has gone off. yes, that's it. we're dating - it's oddly like twenty years ago. we do our own separate thing during the day, convene at 6 or 7 pm, have a light salad and catch up on events (with nary a responsibility in sight), then spontaneously head into the city at the hour that we would normally be turning in from exhaustion.

it's quite exhilarating and fun, this dating thing!

walk with jane!

a new path to follow ...
i’d like to take the first steps with you!
you’ve been a part of my journey -
now be a part of my team!
walk with me as we help run breast cancer out of town

team jane’s journey is ready for action!

sunday 14 september 2008
9 am - central park, new york
the susan g. komen race for the cure

to join me, please visit www.komennyc.org
our team name is
jane’s journey

let’s have fun and do something wonderful together!

much love and many thanks,
jane
516 721 5695
janesjourney@gmail.com

www.travelwithjane.blogspot.com

on the road again

an interesting weekend comes and goes, with a 'eureka' moment for me.

we drive to canada in the vw beetle - it's visiting day at summer camp, and we finally get to see the kids! katz's pastrami sandwiches and magnolia cupcakes in tow, we head out ... and generally encounter driving rains, hail, and all manners of cloud cover on the way up north. a highlight: an enormous (and enormously inspiring!) windfarm south of chateaugay, new york - sleek, seductive, gorgeous, and efficient. really superb!

we overnight in ottawa, and are greeted by gilda and morris, from montreal, midday saturday. we have the most glorious day in canada's capital: riding bikes canalside, eating an exquisite lunch at benny's bistro, basking in the sunshine, relishing the best gelato (ever!) at pure, and even taking in the prime minister's residence and the home of the governor general of canada! a picture perfect day.

quite exhausted, we end up taking it easy, and actually canceling our plans for dinner with robbin and larry from toronto on saturday evening (how very sad!). jane is zonked, and i take the unilateral decision that it's best for her to rest and not overdo it ... we have a long day on sunday. robbin and larry are gracious as always, although we feel cheated to miss out on an evening of catching up with them (lucky we get to see them on sunday).

camp visiting day is great! the kids look sun-kissed, and they're all on autopilot, being so used to their summers in quebec ... close friends, spirit, energy - it's heaven for them (and us too!). so amazing to see them in this environment - without computers, cell phones - just fresh air!

we stop for (yet another!) gelato and head south, crossing the border - with jane receiving her customary 'grilling' at customs and immigration --- 'born in iraq, ma'am?'. oh the joys of being a dissident! we decide to take the back roads, assuming that we are heading towards saratoga springs, where we'll spend the night - and late in the evening when i ask jane how far to our destination, she tells me 'we're a few minutes away'. shortly thereafter we see that we are in utica, new york - about two hours from where we're supposed to be! human GPS is definitely not working!

what does become clear on the drive is that jane, well on the mend physically and mentally, now has to really kick it into high gear. she seems to be stuck somehow, unmotivated. i give her the pep talk of a life time, vacillating between gentle prodding, vehement screaming, and true encouragement. unfortunately, i often end up being the messenger that gets shot, so i walk a dangerous path in these tenuous times. ultimately, she needs to somehow get through this and feel 'inspired' - yes, that's what i would really wish for her. we are done with the 'wellness', back into the routine, eating well and exercising - now it's time for some emotional and spiritual fulfillment. i'm leaving that up to her, as when i 'push' it becomes about me pushing, and doesn't seem to be helpful. i think that ultimately, the drive back is an epiphany for jane and she realizes that she does need to find that sense of wonder now. she needs to see a future that will elevate her in every way.

we overnight it, finally, and wake up the next morning late ... a quick round of exercise and we're on the way, stopping in austerlitz for lunch with old and new friends. homeward bound once more, we make it back to new york and unwind, collecting our thoughts (and our whites and colors too!). we meet jeff and rochelle for a drink, as they entertain us with their stories of european adventures ... and bump into all manner of friends at the local italian eatery! a lovely way to round out the weekend ...

back on track and ready to go!

hey shorty!

last evening finds us in chelsea at the gallery of a friend for a summer show vernisage - great and cool. we later sit down for a very civilized meal in the meatpacking district, enjoying light summer sophisticated fare paired with a glass of wine ... even a plate of cookies for dessert. the city is totally alive, the west side swarming with people at every venue! it's a warm and muggy evening - new york at it's best!

we decide to pick up magnolia cupcakes and other treats for the kids - it's their camp visiting day this sunday, and we leave for canada this morning ... a swirl of multicolored icings, huge cake wedges, cookies (with numerous discussions on the finer points of preserving them until sunday ... freezing? refrigeration?). before leaving the city, we relent and decide to fulfill their request for katz's pastrami sandwiches.

we make our way to the lower east side, and jane, he has hitherto been looking quite stunning and glamorous with a flowing mane, decides to take off her wig in the car as i'm parking (a little hot today!). she prepares to put it back on and i protest: "you look great without it - very hip! just leave it off, you're not going to see anyone at katz's at 10pm!". she shoots me a look - in fact, her hair is all grown in and looks really sweet and downtown chic - but she does want to get a proper trim, etc. before 'wearing' it this way.

she sheepishly agrees, and we start the ordering process at this noisy and brightly lit establishment, made famous by meg ryan for sexual antics in the movie when harry met sally. as we are standing in plain sight of all, we end up bumping into friends (which is great, but unexpected). i see jane looking at me, practically ready to kill. she doesn't need to say to me that she was about to put on the wig before we came in, and to make matters worse ... little pieces of her hair are sticking up in different directions, protesting against being stuck under a wig on this very hot day!

so just a small example of murphy's law - a we laugh it off! well, it IS kind of funny!

colon farrell

oh, how to be of a 'certain age'. this morning i undergo a colonoscopy-on-the-run ... in and out with a clean (and after yesterday's prep, i do mean CLEAN!) bill of health. why now, pre-50 per the normal recommendations? simple - jane's stint with breast cancer ... shaken to the core, feeling vulnerable and as if our bodies could turn on us at any moment. i do a stress test, am checked out like woody allen - head to toe - still convinced that the other shoe could drop at any moment.

of course, all of that fatalism for both of us is balanced by driving into the city each night in a tiny car, negating the heavy trucks and city fumes all around us ... all in pursuit of the perfect glass of wine and cheese plate at oh-so-hip out of the way spots. living life as if all that is noted in paragraph one doesn't really pertain to us.

so, it's really a matter of balancing being close to 50, wanting to be 25, and falling somewhere in the middle.

life is complicated! and fun ...

serendipity

this summer, we have dedicated ourselves to putting to bed the events of this past year, wrapping them neatly, tying a bow around them, and moving forward. of course, life is never that easy or compartmentalized, so we'll settle for being spontaneous and letting the summer unfold - at least socially. paradoxically, we are (attempting to be) the opposite when it comes to goals - things we want to accomplish by september. this gives us a sense of empowerment i suppose, and of course, we could delve into all of the psychological reasons for this ... but it's all pretty obvious - loss of health control equals need for mastery over other parts of life. so we dedicate ourselves to work, organizing the house, and reaching those goals.

last night, we take care of some business uptown, and venture downtown to our favorite haunts. we decide to do some light shopping, and i need to pick up my altered jeans at the very-cool uniqlo store on broadway. passing by our most favorite sunday morning bookstore, mcnally robinson (of canadian pedigree), we see that our friend rachel stolzman is having a signing and reading of her new novel 'the sign for drowning'. we pop in, hugs ensue, and we are delighted to see the young stolzman men and carolyn. so much fun, so youthful ... we lament that we are old washed up dinosaurs, they vehemently protest, and we are delighted! we decide to join them for drinks after our little shopping spree (not so much a spree as a whimper!) ... and we toast to rachel's success!!!

jane and i pop into the aptly named lovely day for a quick bite - it's 10pm, well past our bedtime and certainly well past when we should be starting dinner, but it's quick and fun and lively, and we feel invigorated by the way the night has developed. exactly what is needed after a year of appointments, tests, and dates looming ... just to wander free, bump into people, feel alive!!!

bastille day

last year at this time, on this day, jane arrives in paris, without me. i am still in rwanda at that moment - and we chat whilst i sip french press coffee on the terrace overlooking kigali. she arrives safe and tells me that yes, all of my quirky hotel requests for our french love nest have been met. i plan to join her the following day after traipsing through nairobi, bruxelles, and finally onto the capital.

jane enjoys that day in the most carefree way ... drinking wine, sipping coffee, eating cheese, exploring on foot, chatting to strangers ... a small slice of heaven for her, and a treat to be alone for a few hours while traveling. by the time i arrive in france some twenty-four hours later, she is settled in and super relaxed, asking me to call in my breakfast order from the metro as i near the hotel so she can have it waiting for me in the room.

simpler times, for certain. in fact, we have dinner with our parisien friends, david-alexandre and aurelie, who we met originally in india. over dinner at (how clichéd) a charming french bistro (the real deal), we end up talking about the proliferation of cancers amongst young people - our peers. it seems to be as common to that side of the atlantic as it is to our own left bank. we certainly could not have projected that jane would include herself in this group just a few months later.

the incredible amount of support we receive from these friends, as well as all of our other friends scattered across the globe, is amazing and inspiring. having met people throughout our travels, as well as during the period we lived in the city, we are able to share our lives with those residing in far-flung countries. made particularly more efficient these days with texting, skype-ing, video chatting, and email.

so we think back fondly to last year's bastille day and allow that happy memory to further sustain us and make us realize that yes, we have truly taken advantage and relished all those good moments - and plan to continue to do so for a long, long time!!!

city living

finally, gorgeous weather in new york! warm, sunny days, lovely evenings - so uplifting. chalk it up to climate change, global warming, or sheer madness - but we don't follow those same old weather patterns we used to. back in the day, if it was sunny in the morning, it was pretty much a given that the afternoon would mirror that. now it could be torrential downpours, full sun, hot and humid, and a nippy evening ... go figure.

and happily, we seem to be done with those unbearably stifling and humid july days which made it impossible to function with any reason. jane and i take advantage - after her zometa infusion yesterday at the hospital, we enjoy an late afternoon and evening in manhattan.

the zometa infusion, really a fifteen minute cocktail, acts as both a bone-strengthening remedy as well as a helper in the fight to reduce risk of cancer occurrence. jane is a perfect candidate for this bi-annual treatment, which has no visible or substantial known side effects (at least in her case). when i ask her if it's weird or depressing to again sit in the same chair and place where her chemo was administered, she says that it's not - although there are negative connotations associated with the side effects (fatigue, hair loss, and many more), we actually made very 'nice' use of our team when jane was receiving her treatments. watching dvd's, drinking seltzer, snacking on pretzels, etc. - and being together, looking forward to a lunch at grand lux. so all in all, an easy and quick remedy yesterday.

we venture into the city, traffic free - poor slobs on the way out east to the hamptons, like ants crawling towards their hill. we are effortlessly in the city, everyone milling about on their way out for the weekend, or gathering with friends for cocktails on terraces and rooftops.

we rendezvous with the new CEO (local NY affiliate) of susan g. komen for the cure at a hipster hangout on ninth avenue. we are introduced to dara through hala, the national president and CEO of this amazing organization. we have a lovely chat, and learn a great deal about breast cancer advocacy, local programs, the race for the cure (14 september - mark your calendars!) ... dara is inspiring and energetic, and we're sure that she will help push the ball further in the fight for breast cancer eradication. jane and i are eager to become involved and aid in this fight, with jane's particular interest in outreach to teens - educating adolescents about the disease, making them aware of it's ramifications, and helping them to cope with a diagnosis of a mother, sister, etc..

we venture up the west side, past the grittiness of tenth avenue and hell's kitchen (wow, there still is a REAL new york - who knew!) and join henry & ali for an israeli inspired, mediterranean themed dinner at taboon ... very hip, but not overly self conscious, we regale each other with stories about our kids, travel, work, building, weddings, africa, et al. we slyly tease them that we are all the same age now - reading glasses, menu flashlights, despite what the calendar says. we don't particularly like this idea of not being able to read a menu without yanking two or three accoutrements from jane's handbag!

a lovely friday afternoon - missing the kids but knowing that they're barefoot and happy in their lord of the flies camp environment ... next weekend we see them - yeah!

summer lovin'

summer lovin', had me a blast
summer lovin', happened so fast
met a girl crazy for me, (well, crazy for sure)
met a boy, cute as can be! (it's true)

summer days driftin' away,
to uh-oh those summer nights -
tell me more, tell me more,
did you get very far? (hmmm)
tell me more, tell me more,
like, does he have a car? (suburban, dahhhllling!)

she swam by me, she got a cramp, (did you say she SWAM???)
he went by me, got my suit damp
saved her life, she nearly drowned
he showed off, splashing around (what can i say?)
summer sun, something's begun,
but uh-oh those summer nights (the paris, inoteca, nolita - nice!)

tell me more, tell me more,
was it love at first sight? (most definitely!)
tell me more, tell me more,
did she put up a fight? (still fighting!)
took her bowlin' in the arcade (used purel)
we went strollin', drank lemonade (sugar free)
we made out under the dock
we stayed up until ten o'clock (that's a stretch for us these days)

summer fling don't mean a thing,
but uh-oh those summer nights
tell me more, tell me more,
but you don't gotta brag
tell me more, tell me more,
cause he sounds like a drag (huh???)

he got friendly, holdin' my hand
well she got friendly, down in the sand (don't worry, she brought a blanket from target)
he was sweet, just turned eighteen (times three)
well she was good, you know what i mean (flattery will get you everywhere!)

summer heat, boy and girl meet, (actually, it's the humidity)
but uh-oh those summer nights
tell me more, tell me more,
how much dough did he spend? (i took cash from her wallet)
tell me more, tell me more,
could she get me a friend? (gilda!)

it turned colder, that's where it ends
so i told her we'd still be friends (fat chance!)
then we made our true love vow
wonder what she's doin' now (sleepin')

summer dreams ripped at the seams, (oh wait, that's our jeans actually)
but oh, those summer nights

how i've missed you!

no, i haven't forgotten about you ... although you may feel slightly neglected, dear reader, and this is completely comprehensible. for you see, this past year, well actually, few months, have been a whizzing blur, and now that we have stepped off the merry-go-round (jane doing well, kids tucked away in quebec for the summer), we are breathing! although seeing friends and enjoying the amazing summer vibe of new york figure prominently, nothing seems to be as critical as us moving forward - running, actually, away from november! so we are in hyper drive mode - reaching for something, i'm not sure what, but it feels good.

it's wonderful having goals beyond 'getting through' if you will. and we are pushing ourselves on so many levels - quite nice! right now, it's not about 'beating' breast cancer, or planning a bar mitzvah (wonderful!), or building a village for orphans. it's blissfully just about us - and really, not even a proverbial 'us' - more of 'harley' and 'jane' doing their thing. and we meet later on in the day, and share a glass of wine, and decompress a bit, and start all over again at 5 am the next day!

it is easy, knowing that the kids are doing well. jane too. she colors her short-ish hair red the other day - not really a screaming crimson, more of a tint if you will. she looks quite charming with this short hair-do, but isn't quite ready to sport it in public - not really because of it's length, more because it's a few weeks shy of being a proper 'style'. she looks lovely in her stretch tops - and when i remark in the dressing room of h&m that her breasts look great and probably look better, she improbably ignores me and brushes me off at the same time ("they may be too big. or too low. or too something", she remarks ... nonsense i say!). too crazy.

the weekend passes so nicely, viewing the art project waterfalls with friends in brooklyn, ferrying from one restaurant to another. we catch elsa & fred, a sweetly and bitingly sentimental film at the paris theater (does life get any better than that), then jane and i treat ourselves to an exquisite and minuscule portioned meal at MoMA - heaven!

and the week rolls in - and we suddenly realize that before we turn around, we will be back on our way to canada for visiting day at the kids' camp. everything seems different this year - the kids know the drill, there is no focus on their pre-camp packing, we don't write letters (they are now replaced with daily emails, so there's no trips to the post office). this, too, leads to a sense of calm and focus on what we feel compelled to accomplish - great, really! and as opposed to last summer (rwanda/belgium/france/israel/canada a trillion times!) we are just 'around' this summer, with no set dates.

so tonight, perhaps a glass of wine and some olives downtown, or a bike ride along the hudson river. it will be a tough act to follow - last night we sit along the water and watch boats and sip wine with our dear friends, very impromptu. and guess what? as we leave the restaurant, the valet has left jane's car in the middle of the lot, and boom - a bmw backs right into it - bumper, trunk, etc. damaged. so it goes! back to square one ...

fireworks and the fourth

a rainy morning inaugurates the 4th of july - the first one that we've actually spent at home in some time ... it seems as if we're always traveling on this day, so it's nice to wake up to a quiet house and even a light drizzle.

this year an energy exists (energy crisis too!) - maybe a frantic energy - which we are sure is brought on by 'feeling behind the eight ball' since november. firmly back on track and in the saddle, jane and i take stock and realize that (whether it's actually true or just a sensation) we need to somehow get ahead. jane is really back to her old self and feels terrific, and we are in fact relaxed and rested. we've kind of journeyed through these various stages, coupled with seeing the kids grow exponentially day by day, and now sense that it's our moment to be selfishly proactive. or perhaps selfish is the wrong adjective - probably just proactive in general. work (most important for mental sanity right now). diet and exercise (well under way). health (check - all tests and meds in progress). house (organize and revamp as required). friends (see spontaneously). film and cinema (catch up). new york (explore - see waterfall project, drink copious amount of wine a dark, hip bars in the evening).

it's a tall order, but will prove to be an exciting and interesting time in the summer months. it's all ours, and we're looking forward to grabbing the moment and making the most out of it ...

independence day takes on a whole new meaning! happy 4th ...

h

what a difference a year makes ...

we tend to measure time by marking dates, and their recurrence - 'measuring' past points against where we are today. we actually find ourselves in the same locale today that we enjoyed last year on the first of july (canada day) - appropriately, in canada. at the home of gilda and morris. bike riding and having dinner with cheryl and andré (superb!).

last year at this time, our lives are very different however. i am preparing to leave for africa, jane is readying herself to meet me in paris, and we are basking in the afterglow of marlee's bat mitzvah. the kids have just left for summer camp (as they have this year) and we have seven weeks of action packed days at that time, to be capped with a family trip to israel.

this year, we are staying put. we are regrouping, thankfully feeling as if jane has fully recovered and is back on track - exercise, diet, hair growth, good post-cancer regime. now it's time for us to each focus on what we would like to accomplish with our work - our career goals and aspirations. so instead of looking towards a summer of levity, we are thinking about a summer of accomplishments. and it's exciting and energizing for both of us.

but first, there is ice cream in them-there hills! so we will sadly kiss our hosts goodbye, and begin the long, leisurely drive home ... stopping for a cold treat half-way at our new favorite ice cream spot north of albany. oh, the joy of chocolate peanut butter! they claim it's ninety calories per serving - we do not believe this nor do we care!

summer now begins in earnest ...