SUCCESS in the CITY

the day has come and gone, and it has been incredibly inspiring and memorable ... the 2008 susan g. komen race for the cure is an amazing success! and in no small part thanks to your love, support, and effort!

although the weather is menacing in the forecasts, it is a gorgeous, sunny 90 degrees in central park today! 28,000 walkers and runners descend to be a part of this incredible community, eager to eradicate breast cancer once and for all - a sea of pink and white t-shirts, worn by men, women, and children of every imaginable background!

our day starts off early, in the ann taylor survivor café, a temporary pavilion set up in the middle of the park. we are greeted enthusiastically by dara richardson-heron MD, the CEO of the organization in new york, and the other key players who organize this event on all of our behalves. most of team jane's journey is on hand at this early hour, as is rabbi adler from our synagogue. special guests include my parents, sarah and arnie, who fly in stealthily without us knowing last night, to surprise our family - fantastic!!!

i am introduced to jayne jamison, the publisher of seventeen magazine, who is receiving the survivor award - congratulations! also on hand are cynthia nixon (sex and the city), deanna favre (wife of NY jets quarterback brett favre), and petra nemcova (supermodel). i am called upon by deanna, and receive a lovely introduction. i am attaching a copy of my preprared statement that i deliver to the crowd on hand (who cheer heartily - both embarrassing and thrilling!).

i am whisked away in a golf cart with deanna immediately following the presentation, to the race start location ... where i am introduced to maurice dubois, the CBS anchor, and am reintroduced to 'judge judy' (who is with at kas and sasha's wedding a few weeks ago!). stephen colbert of the colbert report is also there - funny!!!

finally, the rest of the team catches up with me, and off we go ... unbelievable! the park, the city, taken over by a huge group of people with a common cause!

an update - i am amongst the TOP TEN fundraisers for this event in new york this year - all thanks to you! the total stands at $14,267 - which can go even further as the final date for donations is 31 cctober 2008. the team has raised over $22,000 - making us one of the top teams (but not quite top ten yet - we'll get there!).

in addition to my remarks, I am happy to include a link to our pictures - hope you can visit! check it out by going to:
www.swedlerkomen.shutterfly.com

with much love and appreciation, harley
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from today's presentation:

dear friends:

one year ago, i find myself in rwanda, a volunteer architect designing a village for children orphaned by the 1994 genocide. rather than being filled with dread and despair, it is clear to me that the survivors of that horrific event carry hope, joy, and optimism with them. frantically busy during the day, i return to the comfort of my hotel in the evening, fascinated by the people that soldier on against all odds.

miles away from home, i sit diligently with my laptop, meticulously documenting what i am seeing, experiencing, feeling. strangely, in the heart of east africa, fatigued and perplexed, i find my voice in a daily blog. it evolves into my true and positive snapshot of life flourishing under the most adverse circumstances.

and so it goes with our family’s experience with breast cancer. i cannot possibly project how my first visit to rwanda will prepare me for events to follow. prior to my second scheduled trip, my wife jane is diagnosed. fear and panic set in immediately, and subside just as quickly. as both a physician and a patient, she decisively selects a path to follow. as she sets out to research, discuss, and weigh options for her treatment, i return to my trusty keyboard and starting tapping away. from the first day of jane’s journey, i know that all is not lost, that there is hope.

five days on, living with a new reality, i tell jane that i've started another blog. horrified, she protests vehemently, and despite enjoying my postings from the hills of kigali, she does not, most certainly not, relish the prospect of having her life become an open virtual book. i persevere, promising that post surgery and chemo, we will be able to keep our huge and global network of friends well informed of her progress. at a minimum, it means less phone calls to return. she finally, and wisely, relents.

through daily manifestos ushered out via cyberspace, i draw on the positive energy around us, and relegate negative moments to temporary insanity. as numerous physical indignities are heaped upon jane, i humorously notate the absurdity of the day’s events in trite rhyme, melancholic prose, skippy limericks ... all complimented by a bastion of whacky vignettes.

i humbly stand before you this morning, honored to receive the susan g. komen co-survivor award. i gratefully accept this distinction on behalf of all those who move forward graciously despite tremendous hardships. whether it be halfway around the world, or here in central park, i am thrilled to know that in some small way, my take on a difficult situation has touched, and possibly sustained others.

many thanks, and bravo!

sam sung

okay, firstly, forget everything i said. we are in a race for the race - dollars baby, cold hard cash! oh, if only i were this ruthless in the business world! i have been amazed to see $13,000 come my way in the form of donations to susan g. komen for the cure! and, not only that ... i am part of team jane's journey, which in total has raised over $20,000 to date! not to be overly competitive, but i do happen to be the sixth most successful fundraiser for this event in the new york metro area! i'm on the heels of american express and ann taylor - watch out! by the way, just to make it real - jared reminds me that being sixth is like winning a double bronze (deflation!).

last night, jane and i are invited to a VIP reception at the time warner center at columbus circle. the event is the kick-off for the race for the cure on sunday, and is the start of city in pink (major new york landmarks illuminated in rose colored lights to commemorate awareness about breast cancer). the festivities are held at the samsung space - gorgeous! the room is lit in a star trek fashion, all glowing pink! man, there are a lot of ladies there! skyy vodka, wine flowing, many, many people - all there to pay tribute to those afflicted with breast cancer. the evening is a wonderful success, spirits are high as, despite the bad economy, there are record numbers of people participating on sunday (estimates are 26,000 to 28,000 walkers and runners!). our own team is comprised of 50 people, and based on the tally, you'd never know that there are economic woes! unbelievably, i alone have received gifts from 105 families and friends! bravo!

after cocktails, jane and i are starving, so in my three piece (new) suit [yes, H&M of course)] and her pink dress (tracey feith) we hop over to burger joint at the parker meridien - double patties and an order of fries - deadly, let's hope the clogged arteries don't prevent us from doing our lap in central park!!!

thankful for everyone's support and participation, truly a momentous occasion for us ... we have good reason to celebrate!

(hard to believe it's been seven years since september 11th - so disheartening)

5K is nothing!

forget 5K, or even 10K! team JANE'S JOURNEY, ready for the susan g. komen race for the cure, stands at a remarkable 41 people today. we've raised over $12,000, with many more pledges rolling in. what an amazing tribute to the positive power of jane, and all of the women (and men) who live with breast cancer as a part of their life.

my own personal goal of raising $10,000 by friday (jane's birthday) is GOING TO BE MET! very exciting to see this much energy and passion (at minimum, a great diversion from the political conventions!). let's cross our fingers for a lovely day and a hugely successful event!

we continue to be impressed, inspired, and amazed - thanks to all of you!

to help with the process, please click HERE!

h

cash, cash, cash

if only i were such a tycoon in the business world!

okay, it's all about the race. ten days to go and i'm in good shape - physically and financially speaking! my goal of raising $5K (for the 5K run!) has been met, so i'm going for double - $10,000 to be raised by next sunday, 14 september. please help spread the word! rob a bank! do some insider trading! whatever it takes (i plead the fifth, by the way, when you have your day in court!).

astonishing and amazing, i'm delighted that we are able to assist in bringing about more programs to heighten awareness and treatment of breast cancer. although i usually hate asking for funds (and never actually do it!), this is FUN!

THANKS!

incredible!

not to beat a dead horse, but all of you supporting my fundraising efforts for the susan g. komen race (one week from sunday) are INCREDIBLE!

in the last twenty-four hours, we have raised (drum roll please) $4,000! that's an amazing feat, and i am truly honored by everyone's most sincere generosity.

i'll keep you posted and will be running as fast as my short legs will allow on 14 september!

h

the race is on!

last evening i send out an email with an uncharacteristic appeal for financial support in my efforts to 'run breast cancer out of town'. i am almost immediately overwhelmed with people responding - emails, donations through the susan g. komen website, etc..

i cannot describe how humbling, inspiring, and amazing this is! particularly for someone who HATES to ask for money ... totally not my thing, but i DO feel strongly that this is an excellent opportunity to capitalize on the situation and hand and make a difference.

at this rate, team JANE'S JOURNEY promises to be one of the largest fundraising teams in the new york metropolitan area - quite an achievement. i offer up my most humble and sincere thanks to all for helping us through this past year, and inspiring us as we move ahead!

h

labor day no way

the end of summer is always great. some lament the return to schedules, the school shopping, the college drop offs, the end of beach days.

i prefer to drop everything, and after a very intense summer, it's a welcome relief. the kids return home from camp (and continue to incessantly reminisce about every moment of their collective experience), and once the laundry is sifted through and packed away, it's time to play!

end of august weather is gorgeous - warm and dry (despite periodic katrina-like downpours) so the thought is: leave the beds, leave the kitchen, leave the school stuff, the mail, and most everything else. get outside! the kids tend to be at their loveliest: giddy, happy, free, easy, non-complaining, non-competitive, and up for anything. burgers in the city at 10pm? sure! a walk to kismet on fire island at 6pm? great!

this spontaneous and easy-going nature seems to set the perfect tone. yesterday, we head into our customary breakfast spot. we order, and continue to giggle. the kids are downright delicious, as is the friande and café creme. marlee looks straight at me to let me know that directly behind us, in tiny café gitane, is none other than david schwimmer, 'ross' of friends fame. when i ask her if she'd like to gently go over to introduce herself or request a photo with my newly purchased iphone, she insists that it would be rude to interrupt him. he's eating breakfast with a friend, and i am admonished by marlee for even entertaining such a thought on her behalf. yeahhhh!!! a real new yorker! i'm so proud ...

and why the iphone? yes, it's sleek, and as a long-time apple fan, it seems appropriate. however, i am actually goaded into the purchase after thursday's events. andi and i are guests of friends at a red sox - yankees game - basically, we find ourselves in the best seats at the house that ruth built, practically sitting on the field. A-rod and jeter are within whispering distance (no sign of madonna!). the game is spectacular, the weather gorgeous ... a perfect afternoon. all of the excitement occurs in the bottom of the ninth inning, and we leave en masse with, say, 50,000 other fans. the traffic - horrendous - and even leaving the parking lot is an exercise in patience (and futility!). finally, we are on our way, and i decide it's quicker to weave our way through the local streets of the bronx (never did read 'bonfire of the vanities'!). what do i do? i pull out (what andi characterizes as) a life-size map of the bronx. the three boys (whose cumulative age is still well below my own number of years) stare at me - equal parts disbelief and horror! have i ever heard of something called GPS? the following day, the purchase is made, so now i can make calls from abroad, and leap buildings with a single bound (not to mention actually use the damn thing to help me navigate!).

ahhhhh, summer. labor day, the last licks - ice cream, sand, nothing planned - we'll miss august!

on second thought ...

despite my best and truest efforts at trying to help jane through her ordeal with breast cancer, it seems as if i have been unsuccessful.

not in jane's ultimate and speedy recovery, rather in my approach to going down this path with her. like most men, i am goal oriented - linear in a certain way. cause and effect. do this and that will happen. so i work alongside jane - not so much 'empathizing' with her, but rather 'challenging' her every step of the way. keep the ball rolling ... kids, dinners, café gitane on sundays, thinking about travel, drinks in the city, etc..

i also 'push' jane - taking her shopping to make her feel better about herself, wig expeditions, jewelry outings on sunday mornings. i push her at work too, challenging her to seek new goals, start more meaningful programs, and cut down on unnecessary administrative tasks. i encourage and cajole her - get involved with susan g. komen, talk to the team on my rwandan project about AIDS and unwanted pregnancy prevention.

it is clear to me that i have pushed too much. there is resistance. jane insists now that i have not been supportive to her, that i've driven her crazy. it's a fine line to walk - seeing someone who is in the throws of something difficult ... do you coddle and share, or do you light a fire underneath them? ultimately, i think it's important to pressure that person not to falter, but to rise up and become inspired, to feel good, to look forward, to take their experience and digest it and help others. in this case, jane would probably seek a different path, one of slow and steady 'reemergence' and going through the motions, rather than zipping into action.

we recently hear hoda kotb of NBC speak and she notes how her experience with breast cancer has set something off within her - that she has the courage, drive, and determination to ask for, in fact demand, what she believes is due her. and how she can use her own experience to support and inspire others.

in my own mind, i am conflicted ... as the recipient of a co-survivor honor from a great organization, do i decline this invitation in light of the fact that the person i have been trying to help feels that i have done exactly the opposite - hindered, rather than assisted in the recovery? something to think about ...

i'd like to thank the academy

press release from the team at susan g. komen for the cure:
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for immediate release

jayne jamison, publisher of seventeen magazine, to be honored as “survivor of the year” at 2008 komen nyc race for the cure®

harley swedler, architect, designer, blogger, father, and husband named “co-survivor of the year”

new york - komen greater new york city will be presenting its annual “survivor of the year” and “co-survivor of the year” awards during the survivor program at the 2008 komen new york city race for the cure on sunday, september 14th at 8:00 am in the ann taylor survivor café on survivor lane (south of the 72nd street transverse and west of the bandshell) in central park. honorees are survivor jayne jamison, seventeen publisher and harley swedler, husband and supporter of breast cancer survivor dr. jane swedler. the survivor award will be presented by cynthia nixon - race grand marshal, komen ambassador, breast cancer survivor and star of sex & the city: the movie. jill eikenberry and michael tucker, stars of “l.a. law” and off-broadway's new musical “enter laughing”, will present the co-survivor award.

“everyone has been touched by breast cancer - whether personally or through the illness of a family member, friend or colleague. the disease simply knows no boundaries,” said dara p. richardson-heron, MD, komen greater nyc ceo. “as an 11-year breast cancer survivor and daughter of a 20-year breast cancer survivor, i am pleased about our komen greater nyc tradition of honoring a survivor and co-survivor. i am confident that their moving experiences will touch and inspire others.”

jayne jamison has been vice president/publisher of seventeen since 2003. the magazine is #1 on the newsstand and has the largest total audience circulation in its category. prior to seventeen, she was vice president/publisher of redbook. during her tenure, the magazine showed tremendous growth.

jayne, a divorced mother of two, learned she had breast cancer the day the invitations arrived for her wedding to husband edward j. bisno. their story, chronicled in the “vows” column of the new york times, is one of love and hope. the couple decided to proceed with their wedding even as jayne was being treated for the disease.

jayne had surgery and chemotherapy - shaving her head rather than waiting for her hair to fall out - while working at seventeen and planning the wedding.

determined to be a beautiful bride, jayne bought a wig and was professionally made up by a boston makeup artist. in front of 80 guests, the rabbi spoke of their ordeal saying, "there are flames that can bring beauty to even the darkest days. the flames of hope and kindness and love."

today, jayne is happily married and cancer-free. seventeen magazine has been a sponsor of komen greater nyc's teens for the cure event, tickled pink! since its inception in 2005. this past year, jayne and her daughter appeared as models in the fashion show that closes the annual event.

her story is an inspiration to those who suffer with the disease and those who love them.

harley swedler is an architect, designer, blogger and husband of physician jane swedler, who was diagnosed with breast cancer in november 2007.

as a blogger, harley swedler decided the best way to create a semblance of normalcy for his wife, three children and himself after jane was diagnosed with breast cancer was to use the blog to reach out to others. the blog served as a great tool for helping the entire family and close friends stay informed of jane's progress. it also helped everyone work through the emotional process of dealing with jane's diagnosis. it also was a good way to ask for assistance when needed...

harley blogged daily. at first, the entries were pensive and serious. but soon, they became somewhat cheeky and irreverent and included sardonic poetry, absurd limericks and ruminations about how the disease did and did not take over their lives. the blog had a tremendous following, so the family wrote postings so that friends and family could respond. each included a photo - of jane looking ravishing or the kids trying on her wigs - or something off topic about what the swedlers were thinking.

jane swedler elected for prompt and definitive action after her diagnosis, immediately having a double mastectomy, quickly followed by chemotherapy. she has “…fully recovered and then some, without missing a beat,” according to her husband.

harley also volunteers with the american jewish joint distribution committee (JDC), a non-governmental organization. he was in rwanda (with his wife's blessings) on a JDC project two weeks after jane had her surgery. at a JDC conference this spring, he met hala moddelmog, ceo of komen national. as a result, both swedlers have decided to get involved with komen.

as a co-survivor, harley wants to reach out to other men, to help them deal with the disease and its effect on families. he also hopes that the swedlers' offbeat family approach will serve as a model to other families dealing with the challenges of breast cancer.

stars of stage, screen and television will shine for the 2008 komen nyc race for the cure®, which will take place sunday, september 14, 2008 at 9:20 am in central park. breast cancer survivor, komen ambassador and emmy and tony award-winning actress cynthia nixon will serve as race grand marshal. stephen colbert, host of comedy central's the colbert report, and his family will fire off one of the race's three starting guns and tv's own judge judy sheindlin will fire another. broadway and recording star maureen mcgovern will sing the national anthem before the start of the race while supermodel petra nemcova will be on hand to represent ann taylor during the survivor program in the ann taylor survivor café in central park. finally, emmy rossum, christine in the movie version of phantom of the opera and now of komen's new pinkitude program, will appear.

decisions, decisions

as we move further and further away from jane's initial diagnosis in the fall of last year, and the ensuing treatments which have restored her good health (and wreaked havoc on our collective mental health!), we gain new perspective.

sometimes, resolve comes in the form of fortitude - battle against 'the enemy' (disease in this case). and sometimes, we endure events in life, either good or bad, which make us take stock of what's around us - what is worthy, and what is not.

and then, the most profound changes of all can come with no thought or consciousness whatsoever. that is most definitely what i am going through now, and in fact, have been going through since april - unwittingly! it has come to my attention, just as a good bout of family harmony often does, that things have changes, at least for me. i can see clearly. there are very few 'gray' areas.

i'm sure that this is directly attributable to the events of the past few months ... decisions seem to be yes or no, this or that, now or later. there is no (never-ending) series of options, as there is not future time to act. the moment is now. the choice is A or B. and nothing seems muddled or murky. it's all clear, and what's even more exciting is, it's all easy.

this seems like a paradox to me, particularly after all of the ruminations i've gone through on the uncertainties of life, old age, chance and happenstance, etc.. after ALL that, to get to a point, with no effort, that affords me clarity in taking action ... well, frankly, it's a gift!

so another day, another series of things to ponder, discuss, deliberate - and here i am. lucky i don't have to pick a running mate too!

boxed lunch

oh my! where has the time gone!?

jared, marlee, and andi have returned from canada (accompanied by copious amounts of laundry - uggghhhh!). they are gorgeous and vibrant, and still mildly to acutely insane, which is to say that we love having them back. despite boiling water for rotini with pesto, hand grating vast amounts of reggiano cheese, thinly slicing fresh mozzarella, baking cakes, clanking dishes, making beds, with a small dose of nagging!

they walk into our bedroom, to find that we have added a couple of pieces of furniture for organization - and they recoil in shock, utter shock, when they see that our closets have not only been cleaned but are seemingly miraculously organized! looking like a poliform print ad!

well, in truth, this summer i have whipped the house into shape. and i realize that, beyond the necessary solstice sweep, there is something deeper happening. truly a need for 'control', mastery over the chaos that has reigned since jane's diagnosis. i methodically get to every corner of the house - eradicating all signs of disarray, creating 'systems', cleaning. our home is (however temporary) a living testament to martha stewart - books aligned by color and size, laundry folded as if it were on display at the gap, papers arranged, cupboards refreshed.

and no more so than in our own cocoon - our bedroom. everything is stowed away in neat boxes, bringing both a sense of uniformity (to the space and to our minds) whilst compartmentalizing each and every article of clothing or object. and i don't really need to make a stretch here ... it is our own response to what's happened. everything 'digested', organized, boxed, shelved, put away.

i suppose that's exactly how we think about, feel about jane's brush with breast cancer ... having passed through this 'experience', it's time to package it up and store it away. it's still (and will continue to be) a big part of our lives, but it's no longer there, front and center - we can see the forest through the trees!

the show must go on!

break a leg! curtain call! encore! the show must go on!

a euphemism for our stretch over the last ten months? well, yes, that show must indeed go on (no exiting stage left allowed - keep the acts flowing!).

on a more theatrical note, we are treated to a great joy saturday evening - marlee playing 'sophie' in the musical mamma mia at summer camp! we hop in the car and drive the obligatory nine million miles, deciding to create a second honeymoon as a gesture to our good nature! a lovely adventure to canada, and then a striking boutique hotel with all of the amenities - champagne upon arrival, a design room with hushed tones, light music wafting through the room, quiet lighting - perfect for our weekend away! charming dinners, a glass of wine, strolling through galleries, and then - the piece de resistance - seeing the kids in their element, looking sunny and fresh and smiling ear to ear! marlee is outstanding, as is the play and all of the players - a real treat!

now back, ready for our last week flying solo. jane - without wigs! they've been retired, and she now is looking lovely and sporty with her short hairdo, which has been heralded as a triumph both emotionally and physically ... she looks great and adorable! she's so happy to be moving forward ... now ready for the susan g. komen race for the cure on 14 september - the next big goal! i too am looking forward to it, and will receive the 'co-survivor' award that day for 'helping' jane through her ordeal! jane laughs hysterically, wondering how she gets breast cancer and i receive an award - which she jokingly insists i don't deserve as i screamed at her the entire time to be engaged, thereby driving her crazy ...

well, the show must go on!!!

youth on tap

all this talk about getting old - a seemingly endless obsession - is finally dissipating! yes, it's true that this morning i DID organize our pill drawer ("jane, is this ambien or vytorin?"), going so far as the label the tops of the bottles with the appropriate medication so we don't accidentally OD on something. also to ensure that i'm not on tamoxifen and jane isn't taking plavix!

and yes, all of our peers have had their own brushes with physical peril - cancers, heart ailments, and all manner of plagues (boils, frogs, etc.). so what to do? we counteract all of this with our own brand of medicine ... the city and it's young population.

last night, furtively typing on our laptops while indulging in smoked mozzarella and pesto tartlets, summer vegetable bisque, and warm tomatoes, we decide it's time for a drink. off we go at 8-ish to the lower east side, and plunk ourselves down amongst the pretty and hunky twenty somethings, trying desperately to fit in!

ahh, spitzers' corner. street-front seating, al fresco, wide plank benches, and fifty beers on tap. throngs of generation X'ers (do they still call them that) coming and going, lounging at the long tables. jane and i order up some on tap specials and sit back, enjoying the vibe. a benefit of our seemingly self-imposed exile.

we suddenly realize that our own offspring will probably be sitting here before we know it ... and laugh hysterically that one night we'll walk into one of these hip spots, only to find jared and marlee out with a bunch of friends.

who will be more mortified - them or us? i think i know the answer!

nice to be feeling young again!

on dating ...

i remark to a wise (but not old!) friend the other morning that jane and i have fallen into a curious new routine - at least for us, considering that we are customarily social butterflies in the summer months. and certainly a bit odd, considering events of the past year.

throughout jane's journey through her encounter with breast cancer, we stay in touch with everyone - via blog, phone calls, lots of visits, friday night dinners, saturdays with friends, sundays in the city. being plugged in not only is helpful to the kids, but we really believe that it helps in the healing process. those times - and there were only a few of them - when either jane or i weren't up to be around people, we push ourselves and remain engaged. so 'looking back', even after this short interval since all treatments are completed, we see a picture of continuity ... we move through the experience without missing a beat.

so one would think that there is a huge sigh of relief (there is), and as the kids ship off to canada for another rowdy camp period, we should(?) be whooping it up every night - dinner parties, large gatherings of friends, weekends away - right?

well, in fact the opposite has seemed to happen. we seem to be a bit 'unplugged' ... not exactly sequestered, and surely our brand of low-key socializing would perhaps strike others as full steam ahead. but it does seem, to us at least, that we've quieted down and that this summer is full of calm and introspection. we work during the day, and sometimes into early evening; i organize the house after a year of chaos; then we find our way downtown for a glass of wine in nolita.

i mention this to my friend, and she looks at me askew. "you're dating", she says. "you're dating your wife"! ahhhhh!!! it's like a light bulb has gone off. yes, that's it. we're dating - it's oddly like twenty years ago. we do our own separate thing during the day, convene at 6 or 7 pm, have a light salad and catch up on events (with nary a responsibility in sight), then spontaneously head into the city at the hour that we would normally be turning in from exhaustion.

it's quite exhilarating and fun, this dating thing!

walk with jane!

a new path to follow ...
i’d like to take the first steps with you!
you’ve been a part of my journey -
now be a part of my team!
walk with me as we help run breast cancer out of town

team jane’s journey is ready for action!

sunday 14 september 2008
9 am - central park, new york
the susan g. komen race for the cure

to join me, please visit www.komennyc.org
our team name is
jane’s journey

let’s have fun and do something wonderful together!

much love and many thanks,
jane
516 721 5695
janesjourney@gmail.com

www.travelwithjane.blogspot.com

on the road again

an interesting weekend comes and goes, with a 'eureka' moment for me.

we drive to canada in the vw beetle - it's visiting day at summer camp, and we finally get to see the kids! katz's pastrami sandwiches and magnolia cupcakes in tow, we head out ... and generally encounter driving rains, hail, and all manners of cloud cover on the way up north. a highlight: an enormous (and enormously inspiring!) windfarm south of chateaugay, new york - sleek, seductive, gorgeous, and efficient. really superb!

we overnight in ottawa, and are greeted by gilda and morris, from montreal, midday saturday. we have the most glorious day in canada's capital: riding bikes canalside, eating an exquisite lunch at benny's bistro, basking in the sunshine, relishing the best gelato (ever!) at pure, and even taking in the prime minister's residence and the home of the governor general of canada! a picture perfect day.

quite exhausted, we end up taking it easy, and actually canceling our plans for dinner with robbin and larry from toronto on saturday evening (how very sad!). jane is zonked, and i take the unilateral decision that it's best for her to rest and not overdo it ... we have a long day on sunday. robbin and larry are gracious as always, although we feel cheated to miss out on an evening of catching up with them (lucky we get to see them on sunday).

camp visiting day is great! the kids look sun-kissed, and they're all on autopilot, being so used to their summers in quebec ... close friends, spirit, energy - it's heaven for them (and us too!). so amazing to see them in this environment - without computers, cell phones - just fresh air!

we stop for (yet another!) gelato and head south, crossing the border - with jane receiving her customary 'grilling' at customs and immigration --- 'born in iraq, ma'am?'. oh the joys of being a dissident! we decide to take the back roads, assuming that we are heading towards saratoga springs, where we'll spend the night - and late in the evening when i ask jane how far to our destination, she tells me 'we're a few minutes away'. shortly thereafter we see that we are in utica, new york - about two hours from where we're supposed to be! human GPS is definitely not working!

what does become clear on the drive is that jane, well on the mend physically and mentally, now has to really kick it into high gear. she seems to be stuck somehow, unmotivated. i give her the pep talk of a life time, vacillating between gentle prodding, vehement screaming, and true encouragement. unfortunately, i often end up being the messenger that gets shot, so i walk a dangerous path in these tenuous times. ultimately, she needs to somehow get through this and feel 'inspired' - yes, that's what i would really wish for her. we are done with the 'wellness', back into the routine, eating well and exercising - now it's time for some emotional and spiritual fulfillment. i'm leaving that up to her, as when i 'push' it becomes about me pushing, and doesn't seem to be helpful. i think that ultimately, the drive back is an epiphany for jane and she realizes that she does need to find that sense of wonder now. she needs to see a future that will elevate her in every way.

we overnight it, finally, and wake up the next morning late ... a quick round of exercise and we're on the way, stopping in austerlitz for lunch with old and new friends. homeward bound once more, we make it back to new york and unwind, collecting our thoughts (and our whites and colors too!). we meet jeff and rochelle for a drink, as they entertain us with their stories of european adventures ... and bump into all manner of friends at the local italian eatery! a lovely way to round out the weekend ...

back on track and ready to go!

hey shorty!

last evening finds us in chelsea at the gallery of a friend for a summer show vernisage - great and cool. we later sit down for a very civilized meal in the meatpacking district, enjoying light summer sophisticated fare paired with a glass of wine ... even a plate of cookies for dessert. the city is totally alive, the west side swarming with people at every venue! it's a warm and muggy evening - new york at it's best!

we decide to pick up magnolia cupcakes and other treats for the kids - it's their camp visiting day this sunday, and we leave for canada this morning ... a swirl of multicolored icings, huge cake wedges, cookies (with numerous discussions on the finer points of preserving them until sunday ... freezing? refrigeration?). before leaving the city, we relent and decide to fulfill their request for katz's pastrami sandwiches.

we make our way to the lower east side, and jane, he has hitherto been looking quite stunning and glamorous with a flowing mane, decides to take off her wig in the car as i'm parking (a little hot today!). she prepares to put it back on and i protest: "you look great without it - very hip! just leave it off, you're not going to see anyone at katz's at 10pm!". she shoots me a look - in fact, her hair is all grown in and looks really sweet and downtown chic - but she does want to get a proper trim, etc. before 'wearing' it this way.

she sheepishly agrees, and we start the ordering process at this noisy and brightly lit establishment, made famous by meg ryan for sexual antics in the movie when harry met sally. as we are standing in plain sight of all, we end up bumping into friends (which is great, but unexpected). i see jane looking at me, practically ready to kill. she doesn't need to say to me that she was about to put on the wig before we came in, and to make matters worse ... little pieces of her hair are sticking up in different directions, protesting against being stuck under a wig on this very hot day!

so just a small example of murphy's law - a we laugh it off! well, it IS kind of funny!

colon farrell

oh, how to be of a 'certain age'. this morning i undergo a colonoscopy-on-the-run ... in and out with a clean (and after yesterday's prep, i do mean CLEAN!) bill of health. why now, pre-50 per the normal recommendations? simple - jane's stint with breast cancer ... shaken to the core, feeling vulnerable and as if our bodies could turn on us at any moment. i do a stress test, am checked out like woody allen - head to toe - still convinced that the other shoe could drop at any moment.

of course, all of that fatalism for both of us is balanced by driving into the city each night in a tiny car, negating the heavy trucks and city fumes all around us ... all in pursuit of the perfect glass of wine and cheese plate at oh-so-hip out of the way spots. living life as if all that is noted in paragraph one doesn't really pertain to us.

so, it's really a matter of balancing being close to 50, wanting to be 25, and falling somewhere in the middle.

life is complicated! and fun ...

serendipity

this summer, we have dedicated ourselves to putting to bed the events of this past year, wrapping them neatly, tying a bow around them, and moving forward. of course, life is never that easy or compartmentalized, so we'll settle for being spontaneous and letting the summer unfold - at least socially. paradoxically, we are (attempting to be) the opposite when it comes to goals - things we want to accomplish by september. this gives us a sense of empowerment i suppose, and of course, we could delve into all of the psychological reasons for this ... but it's all pretty obvious - loss of health control equals need for mastery over other parts of life. so we dedicate ourselves to work, organizing the house, and reaching those goals.

last night, we take care of some business uptown, and venture downtown to our favorite haunts. we decide to do some light shopping, and i need to pick up my altered jeans at the very-cool uniqlo store on broadway. passing by our most favorite sunday morning bookstore, mcnally robinson (of canadian pedigree), we see that our friend rachel stolzman is having a signing and reading of her new novel 'the sign for drowning'. we pop in, hugs ensue, and we are delighted to see the young stolzman men and carolyn. so much fun, so youthful ... we lament that we are old washed up dinosaurs, they vehemently protest, and we are delighted! we decide to join them for drinks after our little shopping spree (not so much a spree as a whimper!) ... and we toast to rachel's success!!!

jane and i pop into the aptly named lovely day for a quick bite - it's 10pm, well past our bedtime and certainly well past when we should be starting dinner, but it's quick and fun and lively, and we feel invigorated by the way the night has developed. exactly what is needed after a year of appointments, tests, and dates looming ... just to wander free, bump into people, feel alive!!!

bastille day

last year at this time, on this day, jane arrives in paris, without me. i am still in rwanda at that moment - and we chat whilst i sip french press coffee on the terrace overlooking kigali. she arrives safe and tells me that yes, all of my quirky hotel requests for our french love nest have been met. i plan to join her the following day after traipsing through nairobi, bruxelles, and finally onto the capital.

jane enjoys that day in the most carefree way ... drinking wine, sipping coffee, eating cheese, exploring on foot, chatting to strangers ... a small slice of heaven for her, and a treat to be alone for a few hours while traveling. by the time i arrive in france some twenty-four hours later, she is settled in and super relaxed, asking me to call in my breakfast order from the metro as i near the hotel so she can have it waiting for me in the room.

simpler times, for certain. in fact, we have dinner with our parisien friends, david-alexandre and aurelie, who we met originally in india. over dinner at (how clichéd) a charming french bistro (the real deal), we end up talking about the proliferation of cancers amongst young people - our peers. it seems to be as common to that side of the atlantic as it is to our own left bank. we certainly could not have projected that jane would include herself in this group just a few months later.

the incredible amount of support we receive from these friends, as well as all of our other friends scattered across the globe, is amazing and inspiring. having met people throughout our travels, as well as during the period we lived in the city, we are able to share our lives with those residing in far-flung countries. made particularly more efficient these days with texting, skype-ing, video chatting, and email.

so we think back fondly to last year's bastille day and allow that happy memory to further sustain us and make us realize that yes, we have truly taken advantage and relished all those good moments - and plan to continue to do so for a long, long time!!!

city living

finally, gorgeous weather in new york! warm, sunny days, lovely evenings - so uplifting. chalk it up to climate change, global warming, or sheer madness - but we don't follow those same old weather patterns we used to. back in the day, if it was sunny in the morning, it was pretty much a given that the afternoon would mirror that. now it could be torrential downpours, full sun, hot and humid, and a nippy evening ... go figure.

and happily, we seem to be done with those unbearably stifling and humid july days which made it impossible to function with any reason. jane and i take advantage - after her zometa infusion yesterday at the hospital, we enjoy an late afternoon and evening in manhattan.

the zometa infusion, really a fifteen minute cocktail, acts as both a bone-strengthening remedy as well as a helper in the fight to reduce risk of cancer occurrence. jane is a perfect candidate for this bi-annual treatment, which has no visible or substantial known side effects (at least in her case). when i ask her if it's weird or depressing to again sit in the same chair and place where her chemo was administered, she says that it's not - although there are negative connotations associated with the side effects (fatigue, hair loss, and many more), we actually made very 'nice' use of our team when jane was receiving her treatments. watching dvd's, drinking seltzer, snacking on pretzels, etc. - and being together, looking forward to a lunch at grand lux. so all in all, an easy and quick remedy yesterday.

we venture into the city, traffic free - poor slobs on the way out east to the hamptons, like ants crawling towards their hill. we are effortlessly in the city, everyone milling about on their way out for the weekend, or gathering with friends for cocktails on terraces and rooftops.

we rendezvous with the new CEO (local NY affiliate) of susan g. komen for the cure at a hipster hangout on ninth avenue. we are introduced to dara through hala, the national president and CEO of this amazing organization. we have a lovely chat, and learn a great deal about breast cancer advocacy, local programs, the race for the cure (14 september - mark your calendars!) ... dara is inspiring and energetic, and we're sure that she will help push the ball further in the fight for breast cancer eradication. jane and i are eager to become involved and aid in this fight, with jane's particular interest in outreach to teens - educating adolescents about the disease, making them aware of it's ramifications, and helping them to cope with a diagnosis of a mother, sister, etc..

we venture up the west side, past the grittiness of tenth avenue and hell's kitchen (wow, there still is a REAL new york - who knew!) and join henry & ali for an israeli inspired, mediterranean themed dinner at taboon ... very hip, but not overly self conscious, we regale each other with stories about our kids, travel, work, building, weddings, africa, et al. we slyly tease them that we are all the same age now - reading glasses, menu flashlights, despite what the calendar says. we don't particularly like this idea of not being able to read a menu without yanking two or three accoutrements from jane's handbag!

a lovely friday afternoon - missing the kids but knowing that they're barefoot and happy in their lord of the flies camp environment ... next weekend we see them - yeah!

summer lovin'

summer lovin', had me a blast
summer lovin', happened so fast
met a girl crazy for me, (well, crazy for sure)
met a boy, cute as can be! (it's true)

summer days driftin' away,
to uh-oh those summer nights -
tell me more, tell me more,
did you get very far? (hmmm)
tell me more, tell me more,
like, does he have a car? (suburban, dahhhllling!)

she swam by me, she got a cramp, (did you say she SWAM???)
he went by me, got my suit damp
saved her life, she nearly drowned
he showed off, splashing around (what can i say?)
summer sun, something's begun,
but uh-oh those summer nights (the paris, inoteca, nolita - nice!)

tell me more, tell me more,
was it love at first sight? (most definitely!)
tell me more, tell me more,
did she put up a fight? (still fighting!)
took her bowlin' in the arcade (used purel)
we went strollin', drank lemonade (sugar free)
we made out under the dock
we stayed up until ten o'clock (that's a stretch for us these days)

summer fling don't mean a thing,
but uh-oh those summer nights
tell me more, tell me more,
but you don't gotta brag
tell me more, tell me more,
cause he sounds like a drag (huh???)

he got friendly, holdin' my hand
well she got friendly, down in the sand (don't worry, she brought a blanket from target)
he was sweet, just turned eighteen (times three)
well she was good, you know what i mean (flattery will get you everywhere!)

summer heat, boy and girl meet, (actually, it's the humidity)
but uh-oh those summer nights
tell me more, tell me more,
how much dough did he spend? (i took cash from her wallet)
tell me more, tell me more,
could she get me a friend? (gilda!)

it turned colder, that's where it ends
so i told her we'd still be friends (fat chance!)
then we made our true love vow
wonder what she's doin' now (sleepin')

summer dreams ripped at the seams, (oh wait, that's our jeans actually)
but oh, those summer nights

how i've missed you!

no, i haven't forgotten about you ... although you may feel slightly neglected, dear reader, and this is completely comprehensible. for you see, this past year, well actually, few months, have been a whizzing blur, and now that we have stepped off the merry-go-round (jane doing well, kids tucked away in quebec for the summer), we are breathing! although seeing friends and enjoying the amazing summer vibe of new york figure prominently, nothing seems to be as critical as us moving forward - running, actually, away from november! so we are in hyper drive mode - reaching for something, i'm not sure what, but it feels good.

it's wonderful having goals beyond 'getting through' if you will. and we are pushing ourselves on so many levels - quite nice! right now, it's not about 'beating' breast cancer, or planning a bar mitzvah (wonderful!), or building a village for orphans. it's blissfully just about us - and really, not even a proverbial 'us' - more of 'harley' and 'jane' doing their thing. and we meet later on in the day, and share a glass of wine, and decompress a bit, and start all over again at 5 am the next day!

it is easy, knowing that the kids are doing well. jane too. she colors her short-ish hair red the other day - not really a screaming crimson, more of a tint if you will. she looks quite charming with this short hair-do, but isn't quite ready to sport it in public - not really because of it's length, more because it's a few weeks shy of being a proper 'style'. she looks lovely in her stretch tops - and when i remark in the dressing room of h&m that her breasts look great and probably look better, she improbably ignores me and brushes me off at the same time ("they may be too big. or too low. or too something", she remarks ... nonsense i say!). too crazy.

the weekend passes so nicely, viewing the art project waterfalls with friends in brooklyn, ferrying from one restaurant to another. we catch elsa & fred, a sweetly and bitingly sentimental film at the paris theater (does life get any better than that), then jane and i treat ourselves to an exquisite and minuscule portioned meal at MoMA - heaven!

and the week rolls in - and we suddenly realize that before we turn around, we will be back on our way to canada for visiting day at the kids' camp. everything seems different this year - the kids know the drill, there is no focus on their pre-camp packing, we don't write letters (they are now replaced with daily emails, so there's no trips to the post office). this, too, leads to a sense of calm and focus on what we feel compelled to accomplish - great, really! and as opposed to last summer (rwanda/belgium/france/israel/canada a trillion times!) we are just 'around' this summer, with no set dates.

so tonight, perhaps a glass of wine and some olives downtown, or a bike ride along the hudson river. it will be a tough act to follow - last night we sit along the water and watch boats and sip wine with our dear friends, very impromptu. and guess what? as we leave the restaurant, the valet has left jane's car in the middle of the lot, and boom - a bmw backs right into it - bumper, trunk, etc. damaged. so it goes! back to square one ...

fireworks and the fourth

a rainy morning inaugurates the 4th of july - the first one that we've actually spent at home in some time ... it seems as if we're always traveling on this day, so it's nice to wake up to a quiet house and even a light drizzle.

this year an energy exists (energy crisis too!) - maybe a frantic energy - which we are sure is brought on by 'feeling behind the eight ball' since november. firmly back on track and in the saddle, jane and i take stock and realize that (whether it's actually true or just a sensation) we need to somehow get ahead. jane is really back to her old self and feels terrific, and we are in fact relaxed and rested. we've kind of journeyed through these various stages, coupled with seeing the kids grow exponentially day by day, and now sense that it's our moment to be selfishly proactive. or perhaps selfish is the wrong adjective - probably just proactive in general. work (most important for mental sanity right now). diet and exercise (well under way). health (check - all tests and meds in progress). house (organize and revamp as required). friends (see spontaneously). film and cinema (catch up). new york (explore - see waterfall project, drink copious amount of wine a dark, hip bars in the evening).

it's a tall order, but will prove to be an exciting and interesting time in the summer months. it's all ours, and we're looking forward to grabbing the moment and making the most out of it ...

independence day takes on a whole new meaning! happy 4th ...

h

what a difference a year makes ...

we tend to measure time by marking dates, and their recurrence - 'measuring' past points against where we are today. we actually find ourselves in the same locale today that we enjoyed last year on the first of july (canada day) - appropriately, in canada. at the home of gilda and morris. bike riding and having dinner with cheryl and andré (superb!).

last year at this time, our lives are very different however. i am preparing to leave for africa, jane is readying herself to meet me in paris, and we are basking in the afterglow of marlee's bat mitzvah. the kids have just left for summer camp (as they have this year) and we have seven weeks of action packed days at that time, to be capped with a family trip to israel.

this year, we are staying put. we are regrouping, thankfully feeling as if jane has fully recovered and is back on track - exercise, diet, hair growth, good post-cancer regime. now it's time for us to each focus on what we would like to accomplish with our work - our career goals and aspirations. so instead of looking towards a summer of levity, we are thinking about a summer of accomplishments. and it's exciting and energizing for both of us.

but first, there is ice cream in them-there hills! so we will sadly kiss our hosts goodbye, and begin the long, leisurely drive home ... stopping for a cold treat half-way at our new favorite ice cream spot north of albany. oh, the joy of chocolate peanut butter! they claim it's ninety calories per serving - we do not believe this nor do we care!

summer now begins in earnest ...

happy anniverary - again!

see what nineteen years can do to you? we eat tilapia in a strip mall this evening to celebrate all those years of wedded bliss! in our defense, we are between pickups and dropoffs, long ago realizing that the demarcation of our blessed nuptials are about as interesting to the kids as the calculations of pluto's moons rotating around the sun. so jane and i sit, drinking glasses of wine - the card that she gets for me deriding the many foibles of married life pales in comparison to the 'real thing' - we have, and feel like we have, been through so much together - haha, LOL.'

marlee graduates (middle school), andi graduates tomorrow - and it's been non-stop partying all week. medals, awards, certificates - such over achievers, minus the fact that every child in the school district is being handed an award of distinction. no wonder these kids have swelled heads (i thought it was just all those misguided baseball pitches!).

on a more somber note, i've been asking myself a philosophical question about marriage and the glue that holds us together (well, not 'us' per se, more the proverbial and inclusive 'us'). at marlee's graduation at the tilles center, the school principal requests a moment of silence for a senior student who has passed away (unfortunately, run over at night by a non-intoxicated driver - literally, an accident), just a few days shy of high school completion. tuesday morning, the following day, i wake in a cold sweat at 4:30 in the morning - it's hard not to shake this thought. a tragic, untimely death - and i don't think that there's a parent around who can't insert themselves in the pathos of this event.

it leads me to think about our own kids of course, and jared sailing across the street in miami during our passover break - causing vehicles to swerve uncontrolled, narrowly missing him as he crosses traffic on his bike (despite repeated warnings). heart thumping, mind numbing. and i flash back to that. had jane not contracted breast cancer, we would not plan a miami trip, instead opting for the prescheduled asia jaunt to hong kong and tokyo. so the cancer diagnosis lead us to miami, where jared narrowly escapes a horrible fate... but what, g-d forbid, if things had turned out different, and we find ourselves in the shoes of this other family? and jane and i look at each other - and i blame her - "if you didn't have cancer, we wouldn't be here and this wouldn't have happened". and what happens to a marriage then, when there is irrational blame borne of anger and despair - how do people and families survive? please g-d let no one know the answer to this, but it really makes one think. is it all 'wrong place, wrong time'? or fate? does it matter, and what happens to the pieces, the players, and everything that touches them?

so on our anniversary, i'm thankful and feeling lucky that we have yet to meet those challenges that could cause us to turn to each other and point a finger, however irrationally. and in reality, we've been there, through those really tough moments. but we're still standing - amazing but true! funny what you can endure - what does the song say? "that that don't kill 'ya, can only make 'ya stronger" ...