h.i.b.

last evening, we attend a lovely and lively dinner party - a shabbat gathering of close friends, kids swimming, a warm and relaxed affair. everyone is amazed at how absolutely gorgeous jane looks - radiating her customary energy and reflecting how quickly she has recovered from events of the past few months - wonderful!

the talk (inevitably) turns to the current political situation. the swedler 'lefties' are busy making the case for workers rights in bangladesh, all others stare at us in horror! the discussion becomes heated (i always promise that i won't do this before we leave the house!), and at some point it's clear to us. it's not mccain vs. obama. the issue that we seem to be constantly bashing into, amongst our generation, is that people in general have become very cynical; they are resigned to high gas prices, they are resigned to the quagmire in iraq, they are resigned to a government that seems largely ineffective in solving problems.

so, all this time, we've been rallying against or for politicians, when in fact, it is this cynicism that is the evil that must be confronted. since when did 45 year olds give up optimism!?! it's totally unacceptable - to accept that the status quo lives and we have no effect on it whatsoever.

and by the way, at the height of our raging debate, the words 'hope is bull#@&*' are uttered (we've vowed to make millions by silkscreening this on t-shirts for the masses - it's a slogan that will work for both cynics and ironic believers!). so that becomes the slogan of the day.

i challenge everyone who have become disenchanted with the political situation to stop posturing and put the politics aside. it's absolutely critical to think what each of us can do to make the world a more positive, livable place. it's a long time until november, and to abdicate our own personal responsibilities, insisting that we must wait for change until election day, is the real 'bull#@&*'. we all must start today, now, to do our part.

so, roll up your sleeves, the time has come to push the button - galvanize!

can it be?

is it true? is summer really (finally!) here? can we eat ice cream? frolic in bare feet? eat outside?

the interesting thing about the change of seasons is the marking of time. as jane goes into 'the deep void' in november, the leaves have turned, it's mid-fall, and the temperature continues to drop. it feels like the beginning of winter - a bleak and dreary time (although frankly, i think that winter this year surpasses spring for sunshine and warmth!).

a wet spring produces a multitude of storms, and schizophrenic days - warm, then cool, dry, then moist - and everyone's mood seems to follow! but now the grass is green, the leaves abundant, and we have sun - yes, sun! and it seems like a meteorological conclusion, quite metaphorical actually, to jane's journey into, around, and over breast cancer. it's like a new beginning.

it is time for the beach! for yankee stadium! for ralph's italian ices! oh, the glory of it all, everyone smiling, tops down on the cabriolets, shorts and flip flops. this past weekend, we indulge profusely - we flit from one pool party to the next, from one BBQ to another. copious amounts of mustard and ketchup are ingested, with a side of burgers and foot longs. beer, wine, lemonade! and friends! everyone's come out to play!

one of our most favorite things in the world to do - a day well spent at robert moses state park, where one can find the most lovely, untouched beach at the western tip of fire island. where, in fact, it is just a tad too windy for swimming and relaxing, we instead take a long stroll through dunes and sea grasses to the fire island light house. it is pristine, quiet, peaceful. we continue further along, passing beach cottages, to kismet - a quaint 'town' - for ice cream. the two hour round trip walk transports us to the most heavenly of places - a platitude not known since our days in miami some weeks ago.

additionally, jane and i share a funny experience on sunday morning - a picture perfect day. we venture into the city for our usual sunday morning petit dejeuner, and we are seated next to a lovely young couple with a baby slung over the wife's mid-section (five weeks old). we strike up a conversation, and despite the fact that we are inches apart, it is clear that we (both couples) are peering across an invisible time barrier. they are fresh new parents, and have a whole lifetime of experiences to fulfill. they do not know what lies ahead, but they are confident that it is full of promise, hope, good things. we are on the other side, fondly recalling those early, innocent days of marriage, parenthood; we too recall those optimistic sentiments, untouched by realities. they look at us, and think it's sounds great - three grown children, a home, stability - and can't imagine the path that leads to this particular spot. a curious and compelling divide.

to the left, to the left

today, jane and i realize that we are very concerned about the state of the union. gas inching towards $5 per gallon. a never ending war. the slump of the dollar. and, in fact, what is more alarming for us is the fact that many of our friends and neighbors are voting republican in our hour of need. being 'lefties' we are worried that a continuation of current policies will lead to the inevitable further decline of america. so i humbly submit a piece which appeared in the new york times last week, which i do believe has relevance ...

-------------------------------
obama and israel
thomas l. friedman

pssst. have you heard? i have. i heard that barack obama once said there has to be "an end" to the israeli "occupation" of the west bank "that began in 1967." yikes!

pssst. have you heard? i have. i heard that barack obama said that not only must israel be secure, but that any peace agreement "must establish palestine as a homeland for the palestinian people." yikes!

pssst. have you heard? i have. i heard that barack obama once said "the establishment of the state of palestine is long overdue. the palestinian people deserve it." yikes! yikes! yikes!

those are the kind of rumors one can hear circulating among american jews these days about whether barack obama harbors secret pro-palestinian leanings. i confess: all of the above phrases are accurate. i did not make them up.

there's just one thing: none of them were uttered by barack obama.

they are all direct quotes from president george w. bush in the last two years. bush, long hailed as a true friend of israel, said all those things.

what does that tell you? it tells me several things. the first is that america today has - rightly - a bipartisan approach to arab-israeli peace that is not going to change no matter who becomes our next president. america, whether under a republican or democratic administration, is now committed to a two-state solution in which the palestinians get back the west bank, gaza and arab parts of east jerusalem, and israel gives back most of the settlements in the west bank, offsetting those it does not evacuate with land from israel.

the notion that a president barack obama would have a desire or ability to walk away from this consensus american position is ludicrous. but given the simmering controversy over whether obama is "good for israel," it's worth exploring this question: what really makes a pro-israel president?

personally, as an american jew, i don't vote for president on the basis of who will be the strongest supporter of israel. i vote for who will make america strongest. it's not only because this is my country, first and always, but because the single greatest source of support and protection for israel is an america that is financially and militarily strong, and globally respected. nothing would imperil israel more than an enfeebled, isolated america.

i don't doubt for a second bush's gut support for israel, and i think it comes from his gut. he views israel as a country that shares america's core democratic and free-market values. that is not unimportant.

but what matters a lot more is that under bush, america today is neither feared nor respected nor liked in the middle east, and that his lack of an energy policy for seven years has left israel's enemies and america's enemies - the petro-dictators and the terrorists they support - stronger than ever. the rise of iran as a threat to israel today is directly related to bush's failure to succeed in iraq and to develop alternatives to oil.

does that mean obama would automatically do better? i don't know.

to me, u.s. presidents succeed or fail when it comes to arab-israeli diplomacy depending on two criteria that have little to do with what's in their hearts.

the first, and most important, is the situation on the ground and the readiness of the parties themselves to take the lead, irrespective of what america is doing. anwar sadat's heroic overture to israel, and menachem begin's response, made the jimmy carter-engineered camp david peace treaty possible. the painful, post-1973 war stalemate between israel and egypt and syria made henry kissinger's disengagement agreements possible. the collapse of the soviet union and america's defeat of iraq in the first gulf war made possible james baker's success in putting the madrid peace process together.

what all three of these u.s. statesmen had in common, though - and this is the second criterion - was that when history gave them an opening, they seized it, by being tough, cunning and fair with both sides.

i don't want a president who is just going to lean on israel and not get in the arabs' face too, or one who, as the former mideast negotiator aaron miller puts it, "loves israel to death" - by not drawing red lines when israel does reckless things that are also not in america's interest, like building settlements all over the west bank.

it's a tricky business. but if israel is your voting priority, then at least ask the right questions about obama. knock off the churlish whispering campaign about what's in his heart on israel (what was in richard nixon's heart?) and focus first on what kind of america you think he'd build and second on whether you believe that as president he'd have the smarts, steel and cunning to seize a historic opportunity if it arises.

thomas l. friedman

mental

by anne harding - new york (reuters health)

whether a man is recovering from cancer or helping his spouse to deal with cancer, how his wife is coping emotionally will play a key role in his physical health, a new american cancer society (acs)-funded study shows.

"regardless of your status as a caregiver or a cancer patient, gender matters," the study's first author, dr. youngmee kim of the acs's behavioral research center in atlanta, told reuters health.

while health professionals treating cancer patients are increasingly recognizing the importance of emotional health, kim added, less attention has been paid to how the emotional health of a patient's spouse might affect his or her quality of life. to investigate, she and her colleagues looked at 168 married couples. one member of each pair had been diagnosed with prostate or breast cancer roughly two years before joining the study.

the cancer patient's own level of psychological stress was the most important factor in determining his or her quality of life, the researchers found.

overall, patients and their spouses tended to have similar levels of emotional distress, and the level of emotional distress a partner had didn't independently influence his or her spouse's distress levels.

however, the researchers did find that the emotional stress level of breast cancer survivors was related to the physical health of their spouse, and the degree of emotional stress experienced by the wives of prostate cancer survivors influenced their husbands' physical health.

"although these two partner effects may seem disparate, they are actually very similar in that they both show that the woman's psychological distress (as either survivors or caregivers) was negatively related to her husband's physical health," kim and her colleagues write in the annals of behavioral medicine.

women's psychological distress is a stressor for men, she noted in an interview. while men may not to feel this stress psychologically, they will feel it in their bodies, for example as backaches or headaches -- a phenomenon known as somatization.

women tend to have friends beyond their husband, whom they can rely on for emotional help, but a man's spouse may be his sole emotional resource. "if their wives are psychologically distressed, that means their wives are not emotionally available," she added.

the findings show, kim said, that while the focus of cancer care is expanding to include the whole person, not just his or her disease, it should expand further. "we need to deal with the whole family, beyond the whole person."

no air, no hair

jane and i spend most of our free time together. a movie at the paris. breakfast at café gitane. a browse in the bookshop. a walk on the west side. i don't play golf, and she doesn't do lunch with the ladies.

for better or worse, we just end up hanging out together - a lot. which is quite nice and relaxing, and we've gotten very good at going out and enjoying the moment, not talking about the kids' schedules, or work, or bills. we generally try to keep things on a semi-inspired level.

the down side of this rears it's ugly head in such a funny way whilst i am preparing dinner last night - which may totally be an inside joke not at all funny to the reader, but quite hysterical to us in the most silly way. let me also say this - when we are home, if i am executing some mindless task like putting away the groceries, jane also comes over and helps me put away the groceries. if i am cleaning up a certain room, she comes over and helps me clean up said room. you get the picture. so as i chop and prep for dinner, jane is there right beside me ... i use a knife, she washes it and puts it away immediately (a knife, which i need two seconds later incidentally). if i take out a pot to boil water, she immediately puts it back, thinking i've already used it - trying to be helpful and clear the lot away.

finally i look at her and tell her that she is totally on top of me - what the #@*%$^ is she thinking - i have no air to breathe, i'm choking!!! and she starts singing the jordan sparks song no air, and we fall over laughing (even though it's NOT funny that she is utterly in my face while i'm cooking!!!). i review the lyrics (below), and they have absolutely NOTHING to do with our little laughing fit, but we do like the song (even though jane has RUINED it for me now, coupled with the rendition we sang in miami by the pool as jane lay wig-less - no HAIR) ...
------------------------------------------------------------------
it's 'cause you took my breath away
losing you is like living in a world with no air

i'm here alone, didn't wanna leave
my heart won't move, it's incomplete
if there was a way that i can make you understand

but how do you expect me
to live alone with just me
'cause my world revolves around you
it's so hard for me to breathe

tell me how i'm supposed to breathe with no air
can't live, can't breathe with no air
it's how i feel whenever you ain't there
it's no air, no air
got me out here in the water so deep
tell me how you gonna be without me
if you ain't here, i just can't breathe
it's no air, no air

no air, air
no air, air
no air, air
no air, air

i walked, i ran, i jumped, i flew
right off the ground to float to you
there's no gravity to hold me down for real

but somehow i'm still alive inside
you took my breath, but i survived
i don't know how, but i don't even care

so how do you expect me
to live alone with just me
'cause my world revolves around you
it's so hard for me to breathe

tell me how i'm supposed to breathe with no air
can't live, can't breathe with no air
it's how i feel whenever you ain't there
it's no air, no air
got me out here in the water so deep
tell me how you gonna be without me
if you ain't here, i just can't breathe
it's no air, no air

no air, air
no air, air
no air, air
no air, air
no more
it's no air, no air

tell me how i'm supposed to breathe with no air
can't live, can't breathe with no air
it's how i feel whenever you ain't there
it's no air, no air
got me out here in the water so deep
tell me how you gonna be without me
if you ain't here, i just can't breathe
it's no air, no air

no air, air
no air, air
no air, air
no air, air

buoyed by good news

jane visits her dear old friend, the plastic surgeon (why plastic?). all is well in that department, and more critically, he gives her the thumbs up for her terrific mental attitude - not too fussy about any of these, just grateful to be well, and done! it is kind of a nice ego boost for all of us - to get this stamp of approval and recognition that somehow we've made it through the rough patch and are sailing along now. not that we all haven't had our moments ...

a long, long weekend begins this evening - kids do not return to school until tuesday, for yet another school holiday! since we've been downright puritanical of late (barely any tv, etc.) we've decided to just let the kids sleep and hang out from now through monday - they can swing from the chandelier as far as i'm concerned. eat chocolate. watch inappropriate programs. whatever! hopefully we'll get some of that elusive sunshine and make it to the beach for a bit - it's all open and we're looking forward to serendipity.

jane and marlee watch a movie, andi is out at a party, jared with a friend ... it's been a good day, and now it's time to retire ...

planet envy

how fortunate we are, to be living in an era where we can be so connected. over the years, jane and i have met so many different people from so many different backgrounds - all in new york to accomplish something. many of them have flown the coop, leaving for their homelands where they find extended family, friends, a common language, and familiar customs.

new york is an exciting place for a 20 something to start adulthood. there are no cliques that require tin snips to cut into - everyone is here for the same reason. they come to test their resolve in establishing a career ... finance, the arts, medicine ... and they come looking for love, or excitement, or anonymity, or to be discovered. but there's no escaping it - new york is easy, and if you're young, there's no place like it. at every corner, there's an opportunity lurking - it is the ultimate city of optimism and hope!

and this is how we hook up a broad and enticing network of people who we love, all around the world. yes, it's true that it used to require a little more effort. like going to the post office to mail photos of our first car, our first home, our first child. bad news required a phone call, timed to be convenient for both parties. at least we had faxes back in the dark ages!

now, oh so easy. video chatting. skype. instant messaging. text messaging. and kids! yes, OUR children pick up where we leave off, cobbling together sentences in english, german, french, italian, somehow making sense of it all and laughing all the way. and further strengthening the ties that bind.

when jane is diagnosed with breast cancer, we're able to prove her resolve in a youtube video broadcast to all. we chat across the globe, and constant best wishes arrive to our various email addresses. we hop on planes and criss cross the planet, hooking up for a gelato in venice, or lunch in tel aviv, or a quaint dinner in paris; serendipity in morocco is quite nice too, or a smooch in holland, spur of the moment.

and all of these far flung connections, and the technology that supports them, makes us feel all warm and fuzzy. the world is a nice, tight, smaller place and it just feels cozy and warm. and one day, with good governance and a bit of inspiration, we'll all learn to connect the dots, enjoy each other's differences, and relish the simple pleasures of life!

macriobiotic or bust (no pun intended)

total greek yogurt, non-fat in a boule,
raspberry coulis, makes it very cool!
a kashi bar to go, and go lean makes it great,
or maybe just pinkberry, green tea is so first rate

a dash of olive oil, grilled asparagus so fine,
toasted pine nuts and zucchini, grated reggiano is devine;
we stay away from pasta, and starch in every dish
(although to be quite honest, magnolia's still delish!)

café gitane is wonderful, the café creme superb,
to feel the sun upon our face at a table by the curb,
the udon noodles, lovely day, with loads of leafy greens,
and if we do keep working out one day we'll feel like teens

we ride the bike at 5 am, no time for arts and leisure,
but please be sure as alarms go off we almost have a seizure!
we lift those weights (from target) that really aren't so light,
that's why we're getting stronger, to make our bodies tight!

what's good for the outside must sustain us, keep us feeling well,
no botox or injections (but the fake boobs are quite swell!)
so more whole grains, without corn syrup - that is what we need,
please tell the farmers: 'grind the corn' and make it into pig feed!

with mesclun we feel well, arugula even better,
we follow doctor's orders pretty much down to the letter!
of course we all do have our pills, that we cannot forsake,
tamoxifen and plavix, sometimes hidden in rice cake!

now katz's pastrami, there's a treat, oh once or twice a year,
for when we see all that red meat we can recoil in fear!
the fat, cholesterol, and other things could kill us straight away
but rest assured, a perfect meal for your last earthbound day!

we've always managed well with brie and camembert,
or pecorino sliced so fine ingested with ripe pear!
a glass of pino to wash it down, life can be so luxurious,
but why bad things always taste so good is something that's quite curious!

hummus, pita, israeli salad, the beach in herzliya,
(we must recall to stay away from cinammon buns at ikea!)
in india we drink strong beer and eat our biryani,
in marrakech we eat bastilla, with pigeon - that's uncanny ...

in holland, oh the waffles, which we will now give up,
and veer towards wagamama, for fish broth in a cup
and gravlax is good, homecured with some tomatoes,
and with fried chicken, but once a month, we must not eat potatoes!

we love our chai, and noushin's teas, moroccan fresh mint too,
and french press just rounds out the day (tea brings us to the loo!)
a tiny bit of orange juice, more heavy on the mango
a pepper salad tastes so sweet before movies with fandango!

so even though we sometimes must forsake the foods we like,
and even though we dread it, we exercise and bike,
while watching cooking shows, jamie olivers' roast meats,
we smile and reminisce about neals yard goat cheese and sliced beets!

and when we go to paris, as we're often prone to do,
we may just sneak a nibble of a pastry that's called choux,
the confitures, they are so fine, dribbling off baguette,
the hospital in neuilly is not far, so luckily we're all set

ahh, to be young, without such guilt, is really quite a blessing,
thank goodness for madonna (i think that i'm confessing)
in middle age, it's such hard work to stay so slim and fit,
and to avoid the pitfalls, oh french butter, i must sit!

these ailments - okay, remind us that we are all just SO mortal,
and that we want to stay alive, not pass through that great portal!
it's back to whole grains, lots of greens, and fibre every day,
and on this subject my dear friend there's nothing more to say!

race for the cure

for those not in the know, the susan g. komen for the cure organization has an interesting story, as illustrated below:

nancy g. brinker promised her dying sister, susan g. komen, that she would do everything in her power to end breast cancer forever. in 1982, that promise became susan g. komen for the cure and launched the global breast cancer movement. today, komen for the cure is the world's largest grassroots network of breast cancer survivors and activists fighting to save lives, empower people, ensure quality care for all and energize science to find the cures. thanks to events like the komen race for the cure, we have invested nearly $1 billion to fulfill our promise, becoming the largest source of nonprofit funds dedicated to the fight against breast cancer in the world.

it is worth taking a few moments to go to the komen website to learn a little bit about this organization, which funds research, advocacy, and public policy initiatives. additionally, jane will be assembling a team to take part in the 5K walk for this group, taking place in new york city on sunday, 14 september. anyone interested in participating in this event should contact jane via email (the address is at the top right hand corner of your screen). there is a nominal registration fee, and if a team is assembled t-shirts and materials can be forwarded to participants. i encourage all that can walk the distance to go the distance for this very worthy cause. walk with jane, and i'll provide the baked goodies!

time flies when you're having fun!

it's like this every year ... spring arrives, april comes and goes, the weather is gloomy and cold, then voila - it's spring, it's sunny, and it's memorial day! how does it go by so quickly?

although we are enjoying a very fun weekend - the abdulezers from montreal visiting, a gaggle of kids for fried chicken on friday night, the city, a comedy club, pizza, grilled corn, gooey cake - and now, off to café gitane. our friend laura from london emails from our beloved devi garh in india, sending memories across the miles - how sweet.

so, a bit of time downtown this morning, then back home for scattered activities after bidding farewell to our montreal bound guests. it's been great seeing the kids grow up together, all the more poignant as we don't see it daily - only on these mini weekends - so it's really possible to gauge their growth. the six of them have a fantastic and close relationship and are so cute together. and of course, gilda and morris are our own 'datum' for stability - the best of friends you could imagine - and have lead the rah-rah cheers for jane over the last few months ...

wishing all a glorious sunny sunday!

h

50 lashes

maybe it's maybelline?

jane exclaims that her eyelashes are growing in, this morning (did i know that they were gone?). she demonstrates how they fell out, a result of chemo, in a rather odd and sporadic way - but they're back! no more false eyelashes for her!

i go for a cancer screen at the dermatologist, having resolved to get my own physical form in order (all clear!). oh, ignorance is bliss - now we stand on guard, ready at attention! the smallest mole, lump, or ache sends us reeling!

jane has decided to gather a team of (girl)friends for the susan g. komen walk in the fall - anyone interested? we'll put together some information and t-shirts and try to raise money and spirits in september ...

it's past my bedtime, but we're waiting up for gilda and morris and kids - they're coming to nyc for the weekend for a visit, hugfest, red velvet cake, fried chicken, and some comedy saturday night - can't wait to enjoy en famille!

breast biopsy in bosnia

today i am exposed to something new and interesting. joint distribution committee (JDC), in concert with susan g. komen for the cure, is running a program for breast cancer awareness, screening, advocacy, and treatment in bosnia and herzegovina. this pilot project is having great success in changing existing attitudes and stigmas surrounding this disease, while targeting the government with the aim of forcing more accessible and universal help in this arena. prior to this initiative, which is being replicated in other areas (former soviet union), women who underwent mastectomy were eligible for one, yes ONE, implant (not two!) ... and that is if they were able to secure an early diagnosis, and get treatment, and survive the disease!

it is incredible to hear from the leadership of susan g. komen. this amazing organization runs a tight ship, relying on professional staff, passion, and grass roots efforts to fight (and end) breast cancer. the global ambassador for this battle is hadassah lieberman, the partner of joe lieberman. today she speaks frankly and eloquently to a small focus group during lunch - she is moved to be addressing JDC, as her parents survived the holocaust and were themselves recipients of JDC aid. she speaks thoughtfully of coming full circle, back to what her parents called 'the joint' - and how touched she is to be at this gathering. she is an excellent spokesperson for this cause, and hala moddelmog likewise moves people with her candid and wise speech. both of these inspiring women congratulate me on my efforts on behalf of the orphans in rwanda, and i am truly humbled, feeling as though i am 'a baby' relative to their ongoing accomplishments. we discuss possibilities for further partnership, and this is something that jane and i feel a synergy for ... we'd love further our work with JDC and also tie it back to susan g. komen for the cure.

as an aside, many people attending the meetings of the past two days are enthralled with the project in rwanda. the parallels between the genocidal fate of this african nation, and the holocaust suffered by jews, gypsies, homosexuals, intellectuals, and the righteous, is not lost on anyone. it is critical, as jews, as victims, to further secure and protect and harbor and eradicate and rally against evil manifesting itself. we, more than any other group, must stand up for what is morally correct, and have an obligation to give of ourselves when things run amok (as they most often due with human nature). additionally, there are similarities between the state of rwanda and the state of israel - both tiny, both young, both building up from ashes. today, paul kagame, the president of this minuscule east african nation, celebrates the 60th anniversary of israel's independence in jerusalem - amazing!

so, a new chapter begins. i am not certain how it will come to be, but jane and i have swung onto a new vine. just at the moment, the instant, when she is healed and back to herself, when we have had the opportunity to regroup as a family, reconnect with our former lives, we have a new cause to champion and be a part of. we're ready for this, and feel blessed that it has come into our lives at just the right time!

spring in our step

ahh, a lovely and exhilarating day!

let's start from the finale, which really seemed to click with us. i am invited to attend a two day conference in the city for 'our' organization JDC (joint distribution committee). i am a guest of the board, and the symposiums are attended by about 200 people, intellects all beyond my own capabilities. at the end of the day, i have a lengthy discussion with hala moddelmog, the CEO of susan g. komen for the cure. i have the opportunity to have an intimate chat about optimism, hope, saline vs. gel, and new screening for women in tanzania and ghana. amazing!!! and a highlight - i share jane's story with this fascinating woman, who will be speaking tomorrow morning bright and early!

the event is held at the helmsley hotel on 42nd street. there is a large post-breakfast gathering, and anne heyman, the founder of our rwanda project, is on the panel. in addition to speaking about the efforts in rwamagana, she lauds my contribution to ASYV, very kind and encouraging. we are fortunate enough to have natalie portman, the movie starlet, traveling with a mission in a few weeks to kigali, where she will plant acacia trees at the entry to the site - amazing! additionally, manlio from JDC rome is there - my peer and confidant who is also working on our project and who works closely with the on-the-ground team in ethiopia. he asks me if i will give an architecture lecture in addis ababa in the fall to students who are recipients of grants for higher education ... YES!

jane, too, is appreciated - a number of people inform me how amazing and inspirational she is, both in her breast cancer 'battle' as well as for her contribution to the rwanda effort - she is assisting with AIDS prevention and teenage mental and physical wellness programs. we are so fortunate to have found this amazing organization, where we feel as if we are contributing to a real and tangible system which preserves jewish life, cultural identity, and also is vital for it's non-sectarian work.

i participate in break out groups discussing how best to assist far-flung jewish communities in the former soviet union. we talk about nutrition for impoverished israeli children and senior citizens. the day flies, totally fascinating. at the end of day cocktail and light dinner get together, we are addressed by the jerusalem post editor in chief, david horovitz. he is compelling, funny, and intense simultaneously. i meet hadassah lieberman, the partner of former vice-presidential candidate joe lieberman. i mingle with many at JDC who i have come to respect and admire for their commitment and dedication.

the sun shines, it's warm at last, and we end the day with thick slices of red velvet cake - mmmm!

one year ago ...

last may 12th, our family joined in celebration to honor the bat mitzvah of marlee - her jewish 'coming of age' in a sense. on that special day, we were lucky enough to be part of our daughter's special moment, and she made us very proud. a truly mature and thoughtful young lady full of poise and (lots of!) energy.

it seems as if he blink and these moments go by. and then, a month has passed, and soon enough, we are recalling the event from a yearly distance. it rains today, a gloomy monday promising a verdant spring ... and it's easy to reflect on how much has actually happened in this one little year. and we see the kids, growing taller than we, and wonder how they were just toddlers, tugging at our pant legs.

these life cycle events mark these passages through time, and in good measure sustain us through the more arduous aspects of life. at the onset of summer last year, we griped about how 'tired' we were from planning two major events in the course of one year, not to mention a kids' BBQ party, a large parlor evening, and all of regular life heaped on top of that. and now, we think how worth it it all has been - happy kids, grounded, who know who they are and where they've come from. yes, we moan and complain when they act completely crazy, but frankly, i' hear them do the same about us!

a year. jane and i have friends that were well at this time last year, who themselves have battled cancer in the course of these past twelve months. all are fighters, all soldier on, all have great things in their lives that have surely reinforced their determination to move forward. and jane, who herself could not have imagined that she would too be in this not-too-exclusive club. she would probably not have believed that this may 12th she'd be looking back to last may 12th, thinking how much less complicated life was on that day.

hmd

happy mother's day to all!

the sun shines, it's a lovely morning in new york, and we're delighted to be celebrating this day in good health - the best gift of all!!!!

xoxo

the swedlers

feeling very flip

it comes to our attention, as jane's hair grows in and she still sports her funky wigs, that perhaps this is a good solution for everyone's bad hair days! we attend a concert from andi's hebrew school on thursday evening, and jane and i conclude that most of the female spectators should, in fact, tidy up their act and spring for a wig!

although we have entered our proverbial spring - jane's come out of the long winter, feeling renewed now that most everything is 'done' - we still glumly wait for the meteorological spring! where is the sun? where is the heat? yes, we have green leaves - of course, it has been raining for days, what do you expect?

just two years ago, we celebrated jared's bar mitzvah - lovely! in honor of his big day, we throw up a tent in the backyard and say 'hey, come on over' to 250 people. lovely. hmmm, not so sure about the weather, particularly with these same conditions persisting for weeks on end preceding the festivities. and guess what? last year, we celebrate marlee's bat mitzvah - but we get smart - celebratory lunch INSIDE that time! and both days end up being perfect, so we'll take this solar lapse without a sense of foreboding, thank you.

just yesterday, i have a heart to heart with JC - he always can pick apart a situation and be incredibly insightful and wise. so, he duly notes that prior to our miami excursion, jane and i seem tense, on edge, frazzled. and it is so - and we didn't even realize it fully until we are relaxing by the pool. we come back refreshed, united, happy, light. i am espousing the virtues of our newly refound family harmony - so nice.

jane comes home not one hour later, and as we are dressing to go out for lunch with vivi and eddie, she totally and completely and utterly freaks out AT me! unprovoked attack - really, no weapons of mass destruction here! she goes berserk, i just smile, and a minute later she's downstairs looking lovely, saying she isn't quite sure what happened up there. no big deal, we laugh and lunch! quite funny actually, having just told my friend how nice it is to have our peaceful ways return!

and a nice lunch - friday afternoon with friends, out, with a glass of wine - what could be better! we catch up and have a great time. kids descend from all corners, the shabbat table grows from 5 to 6 to 8 to 9, and i scurry about shopping, chopping, boiling, roasting, baking - really nice to be back on the game, serving instead of being served (not that we don't appreciate that!). we're just back on our own two (or four) feet, and boy, does it feel good.

now where's that hebrew barack obama bumper sticker i ordered???

right aid

it is easy to get lost in the babble of the political season. as we wait out the seemingly never-ending term of george w., we eagerly await the changes that will be brought forth by the coming election.

the ineptitude and indifference of america's current administration is more shocking than ever. in our continuous war in iraq, we see soldiers and civilians perishing - for what cause? it's hard to understand all of this death and destruction, which seems quite pointless ...

today we see images of a burma (myanmar) ravaged by a catastrophic cyclone. a natural disaster reported to have killed 300 people in the early days ... now the death toll stands at close to 100,000 people, with over a million left homeless. more acutely, the militant and suspicious regime is nitpicking over visas for aid workers - all provisions have been packaged and sent to nearby airports (bangkok, dacca, dubai), and yet the lifesaving necessities can't make it into burma. this, yes this, is truly criminal.

why our country has invaded and stayed in iraq defies understanding. but why we stand idly by while a few despots in southeast asia stand between their 'people' - of whom they hold in the lowest esteem - and the food and medicine which could save them is beyond me. if we want just causes for military invasion (which is not at all what i'm advocating here - pacifism, not war), this is certainly one that springs to mind. or zimbabwe, where another unjust official (mugabe) hijacks elections and takes his country from breadbasket of africa to begging orphan. where were we when the taliban was blowing up historical statues in afghanistan?

the united states, and the world, should vehemently, and if necessary by force, intervene in burma. the nobel prize winning aung san suu kyi has been faltering under house arrest for years, and nothing has been done. vital supplies are not making it into the country. monks are repressed during non-violent demonstrations. and land is usurped in the absurd building of a new capital city, displacing thousands.

if america is really interested in standing up for freedom, democracy, and human rights, we must apply the same principles and measures to all countries equally - and not waiver because one country is where all of our walmart goods are made, or because another country holds vast oil resources.

human dignity is not an economic principle. it is a fundamental right which we, as privileged players, must uphold.

soldiering on ...

last evening, our synagogue hosts a cultural event - the idf (israeli defense forces) musical ensemble. it is a rousing success, with over 400 people in attendance to see these (very!) young and dynamic personnel singing and dancing in hebrew and english - a thoroughly professional and inspiring experience.

someone remarks to jane that the leader of the troupe, a very young twenty year old adorable 'girl' is just like her ... in fact, jane could be her mother! it is funny, as she has the same dark and vivacious good looks that my wife exhibits - although nobody said she could be her sister!

further adding to the amusement is the comments of the female soldiers to jane - they love her dress, her shoes, her earrings - how hysterical! coveting her look, whilst they are young and supple things - never mind that they don't know about the goings-on since november past!

it is hard to believe, but our baby andi turns 11 today! seems like just yesterday, his birth at mount sinai in new york city. while i was working today, i glanced out the window, only to see three young (ie. 2 and 3 year old) boys playing in the garden of my next door neighbor. they were absolutely adorable, and the scene brought back fond memories - watching the father play with them, squealing in delight, looking at him with complete admiration ... nice! in fact, it seems to be the only way i can even remember andi at that age! the whole thing really, really touched me on this day ... i ran to the closet and brought out three soccer balls for them to play with (they couldn't have been more delighted, me too!).

so, happy birthday andi, and jane, keep on rollin'!

the new jane

she's back! it's true. we're certainly delighted ...

she's suddenly quite funny and our passions have ignited!
she's humorous and kind, and looking oh-so-funky,
if one can just forget she has the hair growth of a monkey!

but that's okay, we love her, she's really quite attractive,
her mismatched chemo oufits held her former good taste captive,
but now she's looking very fresh, in shimmered open sandals,
and has a certain glowing look (might be the shabbos candles!)

her shiny earrings catch the light, and boy, she really glows,
her lovely nails painted light on fingers and her toes,
she sports mod jeans and funky tops, her figure is quite fine,
and believe me it's a good thing; we were crossing the line ...

her wigs, of which she's had enough, do make her head all itchy,
although that's a small price to pay, as now she is not witchy
(being nice with that one!)
not only is her visage light, and filled with luminescence,
her whole demeanor is quite fun, she's gotten back her essence!

so chemo may have killed those cells, but not her spirit, no!
and surgery, a nip and tuck, the truth, you'd never know ...
the cancer, well let's face it, that is SO 2007,
she's back to being a mom of kids aged 15, 13, 11

a happy family has emerged, thanks to love that's been first rate,
and not to mention a week well spent deep in the sunshine state,
thank goodness as we thought from this we would not well emerge,
it had us out upon the ledge, our family on the verge!

the word 'nuclear' took on a whole new meaning, at least in this regard,
so toxically related was our gang, it certainly was hard -
but now we're like the waltons, so happy all together,
and finally we're feeling really light, kind of like a feather!

we go 'round in circles ...

perhaps one of the biggest casualties of the past few months has been the revolution of our social life. that may seem to be untrue, as we recount the myriad of engagements that we've had ... and in fact, despite jane's surgeries and chemos, we have pretty much stayed in the loop. this has, in fact, been an important part of jane's healing - feeling contacted, and in touch, through the process.

however, there is a certain rhythm - a cycle, if you will, that exists under normal circumstances. there is the larger group of friends, begotten through years together, or work, or synagogue, or kids. then there are smaller, tighter circles within that framework. we truly enjoy dabbling in all concentricities, seeing both our closest friends, and moving all the way out to seeing and learning from new acquaintances also.

with time so constricted in general, and further hampered by jane's treatments, we've fallen a bit out of wack. today, on the baseball field, we have the pleasure of seeing a lot of people that we just haven't had the opportunity to be with of late - we've been in touch, bumped into each other, phoned, and emailed. so how nice to spend an hour or two al fresco, watching the kids pitch and bat while we catch up (no pun intended).

we are eager to be back in the loop - to continue seeing our 'old faithfuls' and to reach out to other close friends who we just haven't gotten around to ... and to meeting new people too. it definitely feels like we, as a family, have crossed a (nice!) threshold ... and are now in the forward thinking, active mode - playing offense instead of defense.

jane is looking and feeling great - back on the bike, peddling her way to her former self - although her current incarnation isn't bad at all!

higher education

last week, we visit the campus of the university of miami ... not to scout for possible schools for the kids, but to pick up some t-shirts and shorts from the university bookstores. palm trees sway gently back and forth in the breeze, standing sentinel over the oncoming traffic. students mill about casually, looking as if they're on an abc sunday night movie.

as all of our friends head north, south, east and west, scouting colleges for their kids, it strikes us that although this next step seems to be looming large on the horizon, it's also a million miles away from where we are right now. how will the kids be prepared for this huge step in a few years? how will we be prepared for it?

our days have a rhythm that revolves around the kids ... after school snack. driving to and from hebrew school, baseball games, friends houses. family dinners in the early evening, not to mention preparing for said dinners, and shopping for them too (oh, did i mention the ever lovely cleanup?).

what will it be like when they've flown the coop? are we really ready for that?

on the u of m campus, it seems as if EVERYTHING is weighted towards the godlike glorification of the 'hurricanes' (sports team of some sort - baseball? shotput? football? who knows? who cares?). the minibuses that move the students to and from are emblazoned with the 'canes' logo (and are, in fact, called 'hurry-canes' buses - ugggghhh!). i don't recall seeing any buses espousing the virtues of medical research, or legal posturing on the subject of detention at guantanamo. so parents, take comfort in the knowledge that your $50K annual tuition is going to support that most critical of all campus activities - that bastion of higher learning, the very pinnacle of intellectual success ... the college football team.

jane and i are not sure if we're more horrified or perplexed by this phenomena. i supposed it's kind of a 50/50 mix ... and kind of makes us just scratch our heads and wonder (aloud!) what the heck this is all about? no wonder this country seems to be full of ignorant people who think it's funny and cute to be sort of dim witted. we're all in a football crazed, corn-syrup induced frenzy of happiness and fun (guess we're in the sugar-rush-crash period of our history right now).

never mind, just when all hope is lost, we turn on 93.9 and listen to national public radio - eureka, there ARE actually a few coherent and questioning people walking around.

too bad that they're in the minority.