feeling very flip

it comes to our attention, as jane's hair grows in and she still sports her funky wigs, that perhaps this is a good solution for everyone's bad hair days! we attend a concert from andi's hebrew school on thursday evening, and jane and i conclude that most of the female spectators should, in fact, tidy up their act and spring for a wig!

although we have entered our proverbial spring - jane's come out of the long winter, feeling renewed now that most everything is 'done' - we still glumly wait for the meteorological spring! where is the sun? where is the heat? yes, we have green leaves - of course, it has been raining for days, what do you expect?

just two years ago, we celebrated jared's bar mitzvah - lovely! in honor of his big day, we throw up a tent in the backyard and say 'hey, come on over' to 250 people. lovely. hmmm, not so sure about the weather, particularly with these same conditions persisting for weeks on end preceding the festivities. and guess what? last year, we celebrate marlee's bat mitzvah - but we get smart - celebratory lunch INSIDE that time! and both days end up being perfect, so we'll take this solar lapse without a sense of foreboding, thank you.

just yesterday, i have a heart to heart with JC - he always can pick apart a situation and be incredibly insightful and wise. so, he duly notes that prior to our miami excursion, jane and i seem tense, on edge, frazzled. and it is so - and we didn't even realize it fully until we are relaxing by the pool. we come back refreshed, united, happy, light. i am espousing the virtues of our newly refound family harmony - so nice.

jane comes home not one hour later, and as we are dressing to go out for lunch with vivi and eddie, she totally and completely and utterly freaks out AT me! unprovoked attack - really, no weapons of mass destruction here! she goes berserk, i just smile, and a minute later she's downstairs looking lovely, saying she isn't quite sure what happened up there. no big deal, we laugh and lunch! quite funny actually, having just told my friend how nice it is to have our peaceful ways return!

and a nice lunch - friday afternoon with friends, out, with a glass of wine - what could be better! we catch up and have a great time. kids descend from all corners, the shabbat table grows from 5 to 6 to 8 to 9, and i scurry about shopping, chopping, boiling, roasting, baking - really nice to be back on the game, serving instead of being served (not that we don't appreciate that!). we're just back on our own two (or four) feet, and boy, does it feel good.

now where's that hebrew barack obama bumper sticker i ordered???

what a difference ... a day makes?

today has just been one of those days ... well, not one of those days; no, just a nice day. today, the stars align, and our three children are totally normal! perhaps motivated by really solid grades in school (yesterday report cards show up en masse), or jared's new gym membership, or getting back into the routine - well, heck, whatever it is, we like it! we really like it!

everyone is pleasant - no major physical alterations leading to hours in the emergency room. no twisted and manipulative mind games, rendering one of the three kids feeling completed obliterated by the other two. no spills in the kitchen, no resistance about what to wear, or unloading the dishwasher, or helping with laundry, or doing the recycling. nope, none of that. everyone is wearing a smile, feeling peppy and nice! yes, i said it - we do need this to be recorded for posterity.

jared and marlee hug each other when they get home from school. andi is bubbling with excitement about winning a 'homework pass lottery' in class. they set the table for dinner! they eat a balanced dinner with napkins in their laps ... and help clean up too! wow! are we dreaming?

perhaps going away for a bit, resetting everyone's clocks, and having a break from the routine really HAS worked wonders ... i know it's been great for jane and i! an added bonus: jane's hair is returning! i happen to catch robin roberts of good morning america on tv yesterday morning, who has also just finished up treatment for breast cancer ... she is on screen au naturel - no wig to cover her new, short mane ... and she looks great! i phone jane immediately, who agrees ... she'll be ready to do the same in a few weeks ++, and she's looking forward to it!

dance, dance, dance

we have been, for the most part, off of the party circuit lately. evenings out have consisted pretty much of time with close friends, quiet dinners, or walks in the city. jane is doing really, really well post surgery, and it is definitely another marker on the road back ... and it feels good.

today we have the opportunity to be at the bar mitzvah of close friends. what is particularly inspiring in this case is the closeness and participatory nature of the family - everyone is supportive, humorous, funny, and committed. grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles - everyone takes part in the ceremony, and not in a perfunctory way ... really connected to the bar mitzvah boy and the program at hand.

this spirit continues into the evening party, which has a 60's theme. jane dons new duds, purchased during a recent outing we had at h&m - she's sporting a long, red wig (thanks dani!), bell bottoms, flower power top, tattoos - and looks great! we dance the night away, have fun with our own friends, rock to the music - and bask in the glow coming from the host family. they are totally into the whole theme, doing oh-so-bad rhyme candlelightings (too hysterical!) and vamping it up in amazing costumes. it's great seeing a group of people who are 'up' and happy like this - as inspirational to us as anything we can think of.

so thanks levines for showing us a great time, a bright spot of late. topped off with genuine ladurée macarons from paris, delivered by ruth (she's the best!) - not too shabby!

mid-century modern

we are fortunate to be celebrating happy occasions with our friends!

today we are all back in the swing of the week, abbreviated as it is for the kids, who are 'off' (again!) as of wednesday ... poor darlings need some r&r, after all! a beautiful, picture perfect, almost-spring day goes quickly - and back home to change and venture out again.

rochelle's big surprise - jeff has planned a fantastic get together for her birthday, and we're all in on it ... she's shocked and it goes off without a hitch! old friends gather around for a fun, special night of revelry ... really fantastic to celebrate this great milestone for someone who is so deserving of everyone's love and good wishes! (for photos of the fete, click here).

jane in her nouveau-hair, which everyone raves about. most don't recognize her at first - 'where's jane', they query. 'right behind you', i reply, and they turn around disoriented for a moment. 'love your hair', they say ... 'is it a new style?' ... you could say that! its' almost difficult to remember that it's not only new, it's faux! long hair, short hair - who knows what it will be. but lookin' good and feelin' fine. some people at the party haven't seen jane since she started chemo, and it seems like yesterday that they were reassuring us that it would go by so quickly - and here we are, done with that process ... time flies when you're having - well, never mind.

a nice day draws to a close in style!

h

la cage aux folles

well, the good news is that it's 7pm, and when i ask jane if she needs to get ready (we're leaving in 15 minutes), she says "not really". just a flip of one of the many wigs, sitting ominously on their hollow head racks, and she's good to go ... sure beats hours of haircare every day! jane comments that when she has her makeup done, and just prior to putting on a hairpiece, she feels as if she's something out of the film la cage aux folles - too funny!!!

someone doesn't sleep a wink all night ... when i am up at 5:30 i find jane slumped over in a fatboy beanbag in front of the flat screen, kind of listless and staring into space! alas, she's fine, just in need of a latté, and promises to take a good afternoon nap.

i spend a few hours out alone with marlee, shopping and running errands on this glorious winter day - crisp and clear. we have a great time, and return home to make giant bowls of asian noodle soup with bok choy, napa cabbage, udon noodles, thai chilis, scallion, carrot, and thinly sliced chicken - all in an eastern coconut broth (delicious). the afternoon passes, jane rests, and i walk in the state park behind the house with the [complaining] kids. lovely all around.

we enjoy an intimiate and warm dinner party, celebrating a friends' 50th in the company of riotous, fun, and good friends. a spectacular time is had by all, and at 11 we depart - fearing jane will turn into a pumpkin. she looks fantastic and is feeling great this evening - good color, energy, and spirits - leading all the rest of us into a relaxed state of mind.

and of course, demain matin, café gitane!

wigged out!

1) give the wig a gentle shake.
2) identify the front and the back of the wig. the label always goes in the back. note the velcro tabs for sizing. leave the tabs as is at first. you can adjust them later if necessary.
3) place the wig on a flat surface so you are looking inside the wig. make sure the label is at the top (the label is at the back of the wig). grasp the wig at the top (back), with your hands placed on each side of the label.
4) slip the wig over the head starting at the hairline and then towards the neck. the front of the wig should lie on the front hairline.
5) the wig should feel secure, but not too tight. if needed, you can adjust the size with the velcro tabs inside the wig.

ahem ... jane attends this event last night ... look good feel better.

the moderator of the program gently tells her that it's okay if she wants to keep her wig on! she's starting to feel pretty good about her new bob haircut - it's so flattering that everyone seems to think it's a synthetic wig! so far, NOT feeling better!

on sunday, we have breakfast with iris and hadas ... we pick them up, about to head into the city, and iris is amazed at how much jane's new 'do' looks like the real thing ... but it IS the real thing - not a wig!

jared to mom: "hey, i like your wig", post hairdresser.

so, for the record, jane's hairstyle IS her actual hair! for now. still dreading those clumps falling here and there - will it be like having a cat, or a dog, in the house? oy!!! should we shear jane's hair now? what happens if she's in the 5% range that don't lose her hair, and we cut it all off for no good reason (if we do, she'll fall in that 5% category - if we don't, she'll surely be in the 95% majority of course!).

otherwise, back to normal, kind of. jane insists that she has 'chemo brain' - forgetting things, feeling discombobulated, etc.. truth is, she's just the same as always - sorry it break it to you dear!

don't shoot the messenger!

it's a family affair ...

chemo 101 -

oy! jane - SO nervous this morning, literally on the verge of freaking out ... deep, cleansing breaths i tell her ... hee, hee, hahhh; hee, hee, hahh ... anyhow, that doesn't work!

bags packed, we head off - jared leaves for school, andi goes to max's house for breakfast, marlee hitches a ride with us, and we travel silently (like lambs to slaughter) to winthrop university hospital. we are there early - 8:30 am - and the staff is so nice, gentle, easy. we are shown to a semi-private space for the treatment, where i set up the dvd player, kashi bars, seltzer, meringues, pretzels, and swedish fish ... and jane settles in for the next few hours. somehow we feel better just being there, and the air of inevitability and impending doom seems to subside ...

it's nice and quiet, and they set jane up quickly. she reclines in a big comfy lounger, and i'm beside her (getting the movie helvetica ready for our viewing). everything is going fine, until they actually start the i.v. drip that has the chemo medicine in it - jane turns beet red, is burning up, and has back pain ... they immediately 'stop' the drip and call in the oncologist, who is really a fantastic and knowledgeable guy. he is there in a flash, makes some great recommendations, and gets things set up so she can handle this smoothly. she's on anti-nausea medication too, so they hope for a smooth treatment.

as it turns out, dr. hindenburg brings good news - the other 'oncotype' test has come back, even more positive than the first - jane has a very low risk of recurrence over the long term based on that cancer site that was removed - great!!!

we are back on track, medications running, all is good, jane is relaxed. we munch on snacks, drink liters of seltzer, and watch the flick - although i do have to make a quick target run for a couple of headsets as someone else is being treated nearby and they have their tv set blaring. [of course, i am stuck behind a woman at target who is refuting the price of charmin toilet tissues, then proceeds to pay with a gift card, coupons, and small unmarked bills - ugggghhhh - only when you're in a rush!].

chemo goes fine, we watch another movie titled god grew tired of us about the 'lost boys' of sudan - nothing like seeing something more depressing than your own life! i jest, the movie is extremely uplifting and highlights the positive aspects of human nature in the face of man's baser instincts. makes me reminisce about africa a little ...

so what was supposed to be over by 11 am concludes at 1 pm ... feeling and looking perfectly fine, we wrap up our goodies and leave. jane is amazing! totally okay! we pop into roosevelt field so she can pick up her wig - somehow we've imagined that all of her hair will fall out immediately upon treatment, which of course does NOT happen to anyone. it takes about two weeks, but we figured we'd be prepared.

back home, we have an enormous gourmet lunch - butternut squash bisque, arugula with roasted chicken, potato, yellow wax beans, caramelized carrots - we're stuffed! i'm delighted jane has an appetite. we do some computing, and as i'm typing i notice that my hand is going momentarily weak - on and off - which jane diagnoses as carpal tunnel syndrome (just shoot me now and spare me!).

shabbat dinner is lovingly dropped off by laury - wine, challah, flowers, homemade delicacies, and dessert - affording us the opportunity to sit down together as a family and make today a 'normal' day while having a home cooked meal ... so incredible, the effort and meaning of this thoughtful gift!

we all try on the wig - personally, i think it looks pretty darn good on all of us, and is least noticeable on jane as it is the same as her current 'do'. i'm thinking of a transplant when all of this is wrapped up!

shabbat shalom,

h

burkah, brca, abracadabra

i somehow forgot to mention that jane has received the results of her BRCA test - mysteriously, they are inconclusive! neither positive or negative, they do not indicate whether she should be on tamoxifen, have her ovaries removed, or simply poke out her eyes with a sharpened stick - ugghhh! she feels battle weary and zonked from this episode, as it simply means that more information must be gathered ... strange that this 'mutation' is not clearly visible one way or the other. so once again a question mark hangs over jane's head ... that BRCA is like a burkah, smothering her so!

on a different note, we go wig shopping at lunch (speaking of smothering), meeting at the mall for a quick bite ... kids firmly back in school, we ourselves are able to resume a semi-normal life ... work, daily routine, etc. which is most welcome. jane tries on a few fetchin' numbers, and looks quite good - as a friend remarks later in the day: 'did you ever think one year ago that you'd be going wig shopping???' so true.

i'm toiling over dinner so that we can all sit down together for a family evening, to hear about the 'first day back' for the kids ... friends, school work, etc.. we eagerly await diving into our dessert - a lovely pale green box of ladurée macarons fresh off the plane from paris (courtesy of r&j - merci as always for thinking of us!).

a couple more days to 'countdown' chemo - we've ordered netflix movies to watch on jared's dvd player as the treatment courses through her body - something to distract us as we take our first steps on this new road. helvetica, the lives of others, and the gods grew tired of us (no, not a euphemism for this specific situation!).

thanks a lock

i neglect to mention throughout all of this discussion (endless discussion) about wigs, hair, and other hirsute pursuits (not trivial, of course), that not only has jane cropped her cheveux ... she follows in marlee's footsteps. the discarded ponytail from her new bob will make it's way to pantene, where it will become part of a wig for another unknown cancer patient in the process of losing her hair to the effects of chemotherapy (pantene beautiful lengths campaign).

jane feels great about this development - being able to help a fellow 'sister' in need, and the irony of marlee's own identical act of selflessness in august, pre-diagnosis, does not elude us ...

it's a bright, sunny clear day in new york - all the kids have slept out, and we roam the city last night, catching persepolis at the angelika and enjoying ginger fried chicken at lovely day with ali & henry ... divine! we will now sneak into nolita for café creme, friands, and fresh squeezed oj - a downtown treat at gitanes before we return to pick up the little ones ...

hello, raquel!

finally home with jane, the kids, my parents - enjoying marlee's 13th birthday!

the sky did not fall in my absence, the house was not burned down, and everyone managed to eat three square meals a day - amazing! jane does not even seem to be depleted from managing solo, and it's great to see her back with all of her strength ...

so a new chapter begins shortly, and i suppose that the reality of the situation is starting to sink in ... the chemotherapy sessions, the hair loss for jane, the fatigue ...

did you know that raquel welch has a line of wigs? it's the signature collection!?!

despite my best efforts, jane starts wig shopping in anticipation of the aesthetic changes promised by the doctors and nurses. when i suggest that we both shave our heads, insisting that she'd look positively gorgeous and striking being 'bald', she shoots me a poisonous glare and tells me that i'm crazy and insensitive. honestly, i think she'd look very striking with no hair, big false eyelashes - a real 'look' - very funky. i can't even say that she vehemently disagrees - she's more dismissive than that and basically ignores me! oh, to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune!

maybe i'll shave my head anyway, a la sex in the city ...

debbie in belgium, noushin, rochelle, and others have been incredibly inspiring to jane, not to mention all of the love and support of family and friends ... she feels emboldened by this and resolves to be a-okay for all of us!

i am going to ask for favors again, so i can be there for jane's friday chemo sessions - shabbat dinners delivered, dropoffs and pickups, etc. so be prepared to be called upon - it's not the draft, but you may be asked to serve!!!

jane's decided not to take the wig thing too seriously - she's not looking for a super fine human hair piece spun by nimble fingers ... rather, she'll opt for a few different pieces and have some fun - maybe a long red curly wig one day, a short blond 'bob' from 'the avengers' the next - possibly even a disco afro one saturday evening! we'll try to keep some humor about the whole wretched predicament!!!

stay tuned, wishing you all great holidays and a big happy birthday to marlee!

xoxo