today, a horrifying and depressing exercise in near futility.
jane and i go for the proverbial second opinion ... she leaves work early, we coordinate the kids' schedules, i vacate my stack of papers and the necessary packing that must be done for thursday, and we meet at the cancer center (which we immediately dub the cancer cancer center, brought to you by cancer & cancer inc.).
ugghhh. for all of the levity that we have applied to this particular set of circumstances, not even the bright architecture of this place can mask an oppressive sensation. a grove of bamboo rises and reaches for the skylight (euphemism for healing?). gleaming tiles, donor plaques, and shiny surfaces belie the 'treatment rooms' beyond.
the longer we await in this mall-of-america-esque environment, the more it hits us - this is not the place for us! we have moved along so expediently: diagnosing, researching, nip-and-tucking, analyzing - all with self-imposed grace and ease, and a good measure of laughter. but this place - it screams out 'we will take care of you, you poor, tired, hungry cancer patients'! oh!!! 'look at all of the people and corporations that have pledged money to help you - since you can't take care of yourself'!
the longer we wait, the longer we sink. this is too much. tick tock. tick tock. click clack (jane's customary high heels) ... back and forth, smiling at the desk attendant. annoying the desk attendant. berating the desk attendant. one hour passes. in all of the visits that we have made to doctors over the last month, nothing is like this - no explanation, no courtesy offers of coffee or bottled water. nothing.
by the time we 'get in' to see a nurse, we are livid! they are shutting the lights all around us (yes, it's that late!). we separately and vehemently take this person to task, unleashing a tirade of pent up hostility - lucky her. she is rather sheepish at first, towing the line ... then relents and crumbles into downright apologies (fully warranted). she goes on to tell us about support groups, treatment rooms with plasma tv's, exercise classes ... just give us our damned chemo and we'll be out of here! this is the ritz carlton for the intrepid ...
by the time the doctor arrives, it is time for me to go get the kids. we sit briefly with arms crossed. she writes down the notes - not looking directly at us, or asking jane for a verbal history. rather, taking down the facts. cold. numerical. empirical.
i leave, fighting traffic and inner fury - half the day gone, for no good reason. i scurry here and there, filling the mini cooper's seats with children - wrestling, hebrew school, concert preparation - dinner for six. it all gets done somehow, and we unwind with an evening performance at marlee's school.
no second opinion needed on that front - it is great!
so, a very bad afternoon, unnecessarily unpleasant - the first one 'so far' so we can't complain too much (don't say anything!).
jane and i go for the proverbial second opinion ... she leaves work early, we coordinate the kids' schedules, i vacate my stack of papers and the necessary packing that must be done for thursday, and we meet at the cancer center (which we immediately dub the cancer cancer center, brought to you by cancer & cancer inc.).
ugghhh. for all of the levity that we have applied to this particular set of circumstances, not even the bright architecture of this place can mask an oppressive sensation. a grove of bamboo rises and reaches for the skylight (euphemism for healing?). gleaming tiles, donor plaques, and shiny surfaces belie the 'treatment rooms' beyond.
the longer we await in this mall-of-america-esque environment, the more it hits us - this is not the place for us! we have moved along so expediently: diagnosing, researching, nip-and-tucking, analyzing - all with self-imposed grace and ease, and a good measure of laughter. but this place - it screams out 'we will take care of you, you poor, tired, hungry cancer patients'! oh!!! 'look at all of the people and corporations that have pledged money to help you - since you can't take care of yourself'!
the longer we wait, the longer we sink. this is too much. tick tock. tick tock. click clack (jane's customary high heels) ... back and forth, smiling at the desk attendant. annoying the desk attendant. berating the desk attendant. one hour passes. in all of the visits that we have made to doctors over the last month, nothing is like this - no explanation, no courtesy offers of coffee or bottled water. nothing.
by the time we 'get in' to see a nurse, we are livid! they are shutting the lights all around us (yes, it's that late!). we separately and vehemently take this person to task, unleashing a tirade of pent up hostility - lucky her. she is rather sheepish at first, towing the line ... then relents and crumbles into downright apologies (fully warranted). she goes on to tell us about support groups, treatment rooms with plasma tv's, exercise classes ... just give us our damned chemo and we'll be out of here! this is the ritz carlton for the intrepid ...
by the time the doctor arrives, it is time for me to go get the kids. we sit briefly with arms crossed. she writes down the notes - not looking directly at us, or asking jane for a verbal history. rather, taking down the facts. cold. numerical. empirical.
i leave, fighting traffic and inner fury - half the day gone, for no good reason. i scurry here and there, filling the mini cooper's seats with children - wrestling, hebrew school, concert preparation - dinner for six. it all gets done somehow, and we unwind with an evening performance at marlee's school.
no second opinion needed on that front - it is great!
so, a very bad afternoon, unnecessarily unpleasant - the first one 'so far' so we can't complain too much (don't say anything!).
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