oh, i crash therefore i am!!!
today is the day ... it has gotten to me! jane and i spend the day together - picking up the smashed mini cooper (alive and well despite our best wishes to bring forth it's early demise); quickly shopping for necessary hanukkah lcd tv for kids; walking the mall aimlessly, and lunching with large vat of wine at grand luxe. all in a futile attempt to ensure distraction whilst we wait for the long overdue results of jane's pathology (read: what comes next - more surgery? chemo?).
more shopping, and we return home. jane is justifiably obsessed with getting the results, as they will determine what is happening to her body, her life, and even (what's left of) her mind! and that goes double for me! by the time we muddle through our lunch, i'm in despair - we're all sinking lower without any hope. i pick at my food, guzzle my wine (shocking), and we leave, admiring the towering meringues topping the lemon tarts in the dairy case.
at home, we assemble furniture for the kids' lounge, plug in the tv, and eureka - jane finally receives a call from the pathologist. much head nodding, yessing, looks of relief, looks of terror - then the news.
jane seems to be in good shape for an old lady! she does in fact seem to have 'nodes' that are clear, which is amazing - it's confirmed. just on time for our oncology appointment tomorrow, which would have been futile if we were lacking this information. so, despite a modicum of uncertainty, this is still a great starting point.
i collapse, figuratively speaking! jane is ecstatic, calling family and friends, literally jumping for joy! i am brought back from the edge of calamity, but the toll is too much! i am zonked, relieved, nervous, crazed! it's about time!
i make a feeble attempt at dinner, but to no avail - jane insists on a quick bite out, which i fully support as my hands, legs, and head are now made of rubber. we grab a quick pizza and a glass of wine, now resting firmly at the top of my food pyramid. it is all hitting me now, despite jane feeling energized. the kids are running amok, it's the first night of hanukkah, and we're at a local dive - never mind the years of parties to mark the occasion, sufganiyot, fried chicken, etc.. this year, all of that plays second fiddle to today's news.
so, we are still not out of the woods - the physicians may well recommend chemo still, but it looks as if surgery won't be necessary. we're now coming from a good place - prevention as opposed to being on the attack. yeah!
on this night of miracles and light, we bask in the glow of the candles and the promise of a bright future!
happy hanukkah!!!!!
today is the day ... it has gotten to me! jane and i spend the day together - picking up the smashed mini cooper (alive and well despite our best wishes to bring forth it's early demise); quickly shopping for necessary hanukkah lcd tv for kids; walking the mall aimlessly, and lunching with large vat of wine at grand luxe. all in a futile attempt to ensure distraction whilst we wait for the long overdue results of jane's pathology (read: what comes next - more surgery? chemo?).
more shopping, and we return home. jane is justifiably obsessed with getting the results, as they will determine what is happening to her body, her life, and even (what's left of) her mind! and that goes double for me! by the time we muddle through our lunch, i'm in despair - we're all sinking lower without any hope. i pick at my food, guzzle my wine (shocking), and we leave, admiring the towering meringues topping the lemon tarts in the dairy case.
at home, we assemble furniture for the kids' lounge, plug in the tv, and eureka - jane finally receives a call from the pathologist. much head nodding, yessing, looks of relief, looks of terror - then the news.
jane seems to be in good shape for an old lady! she does in fact seem to have 'nodes' that are clear, which is amazing - it's confirmed. just on time for our oncology appointment tomorrow, which would have been futile if we were lacking this information. so, despite a modicum of uncertainty, this is still a great starting point.
i collapse, figuratively speaking! jane is ecstatic, calling family and friends, literally jumping for joy! i am brought back from the edge of calamity, but the toll is too much! i am zonked, relieved, nervous, crazed! it's about time!
i make a feeble attempt at dinner, but to no avail - jane insists on a quick bite out, which i fully support as my hands, legs, and head are now made of rubber. we grab a quick pizza and a glass of wine, now resting firmly at the top of my food pyramid. it is all hitting me now, despite jane feeling energized. the kids are running amok, it's the first night of hanukkah, and we're at a local dive - never mind the years of parties to mark the occasion, sufganiyot, fried chicken, etc.. this year, all of that plays second fiddle to today's news.
so, we are still not out of the woods - the physicians may well recommend chemo still, but it looks as if surgery won't be necessary. we're now coming from a good place - prevention as opposed to being on the attack. yeah!
on this night of miracles and light, we bask in the glow of the candles and the promise of a bright future!
happy hanukkah!!!!!
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