it's a wierd thing, but the more i push jane, the more i find i'm the messenger being shot. for example, i know that she is eager to exercise, now that she's been given the green light from her physician. she would like to increase her upper body strength, augment her range of motion, etc.. so she's doing that, but still running around waking the kids, making lunches, unloading the dishwasher, loading laundry - all of which i can do or assist with or do away with altogether. and when she's doing that 'stuff', it means she's not taking care of her own self.
and more importantly and telling, not really making TIME for her own self. i see her scurrying about a lot - rushing to work, then rushing home, then rushing to something else. all of which is normal this time of year, but my sense is that she feels as if she's 'missed' the past six months, and she owes it to everyone to 'catch up'- at work, at home, with friends.
in reality, at least from where i sit, she didn't miss a bit during surgeries and treatments. she continues to work all the way through, see friends and socialize, travel, run the house with me, be there for the kids ... so i'm not quite sure i understand this heightened anxiety about totally immersing oneself into all of this minutia.
in fact, this is probably the most critical part of her 'treatment' after the physical repairs. it's the mental and emotional well being and recovery ... making space and time for that to happen. peace, serenity, relaxation ... or party, going out, engaging with the city. i'm not quite sure which option is best, but i know that it's important for her to be a bit selfish right now, and she's doing exactly the opposite.
not to mention that when i tell her this, i'm the enemy! yesterday i make it clear that i'm trying to assist her by telling her to leave everything and go exercise; i'm doing this for her own best interests. i have no alterior motive, other than to make her feel better and get well. i tell her to take a week and go away somewhere alone. let's see, i just don't want her running herself ragged, feeling 'guilty' that she's put all of us through this (absurd, but i suppose somehow comprehensible as one emerges from the shock of breast cancer diagnosis, treatment, and recuperation)...
and more importantly and telling, not really making TIME for her own self. i see her scurrying about a lot - rushing to work, then rushing home, then rushing to something else. all of which is normal this time of year, but my sense is that she feels as if she's 'missed' the past six months, and she owes it to everyone to 'catch up'- at work, at home, with friends.
in reality, at least from where i sit, she didn't miss a bit during surgeries and treatments. she continues to work all the way through, see friends and socialize, travel, run the house with me, be there for the kids ... so i'm not quite sure i understand this heightened anxiety about totally immersing oneself into all of this minutia.
in fact, this is probably the most critical part of her 'treatment' after the physical repairs. it's the mental and emotional well being and recovery ... making space and time for that to happen. peace, serenity, relaxation ... or party, going out, engaging with the city. i'm not quite sure which option is best, but i know that it's important for her to be a bit selfish right now, and she's doing exactly the opposite.
not to mention that when i tell her this, i'm the enemy! yesterday i make it clear that i'm trying to assist her by telling her to leave everything and go exercise; i'm doing this for her own best interests. i have no alterior motive, other than to make her feel better and get well. i tell her to take a week and go away somewhere alone. let's see, i just don't want her running herself ragged, feeling 'guilty' that she's put all of us through this (absurd, but i suppose somehow comprehensible as one emerges from the shock of breast cancer diagnosis, treatment, and recuperation)...
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