nineteen years ago yesterday, jane and i find ourselves in the study of the rabbi in ottawa - just the three of us. as jane and i prepare for our 'real' wedding, two weeks later, we laugh at the sight - huddled with the clergy, waiting to sign a secular marriage contract. we become 'official' with a swipe of the pen, and although we are actually married, there is no big affair, no celebration. document in hand, jane is able to process her u.s. papers, which she will need in order to complete her medical residency, scheduled to begin a few weeks later, upon return from our honeymoon in portugal.
the day passes yesterday, and neither of us seem to remember or reflect back on this auspicious occasion; the date on our marriage certificate: 11 june. in reality, the date is inconsequential - devoid of family and friends, it is difficult to attach any particular significance to it. although we did go out for a beer right after with my immediate family, i seem to recall!
although a good chunk of time has passed, it's hard to believe that we've lived so much, survived so much! starting life as a young couple in greenwich village, making friends from all over the world, work, the kids, losing ina, the suburbs, building a house, becoming middle aged, breast cancer, travel ... and it all is a blur, like a movie in fast forward.
all of these events, good and bad, are the fabric that make up our 'couple' ... they've shaped us together, blended us in fact - we have a shared perspective on so many things, and have ingrained reactions to things that come our way. for better or worse, that's who we are in the 'jane and harley' show.
interestingly enough, as the kids emerge from childhood into adulthood, we are re-learning to how absorb and react to things independently. and i believe that's critical to ongoing and lasting relationships - to get to a point where it's possible to evaluate things through a more singular lens, to develop individual goals and ideals, to bring new and interesting things to the table.
or perhaps, just to choose different sides in the democratic primaries and vote differently?
happy 'anniversary'!
the day passes yesterday, and neither of us seem to remember or reflect back on this auspicious occasion; the date on our marriage certificate: 11 june. in reality, the date is inconsequential - devoid of family and friends, it is difficult to attach any particular significance to it. although we did go out for a beer right after with my immediate family, i seem to recall!
although a good chunk of time has passed, it's hard to believe that we've lived so much, survived so much! starting life as a young couple in greenwich village, making friends from all over the world, work, the kids, losing ina, the suburbs, building a house, becoming middle aged, breast cancer, travel ... and it all is a blur, like a movie in fast forward.
all of these events, good and bad, are the fabric that make up our 'couple' ... they've shaped us together, blended us in fact - we have a shared perspective on so many things, and have ingrained reactions to things that come our way. for better or worse, that's who we are in the 'jane and harley' show.
interestingly enough, as the kids emerge from childhood into adulthood, we are re-learning to how absorb and react to things independently. and i believe that's critical to ongoing and lasting relationships - to get to a point where it's possible to evaluate things through a more singular lens, to develop individual goals and ideals, to bring new and interesting things to the table.
or perhaps, just to choose different sides in the democratic primaries and vote differently?
happy 'anniversary'!
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