creaky ol' bones

okay. so we're unsaturated. we're whey proteined plus. we're non-smokers. heck, we're barely breathing!!! so what's going on exactly?

everyone around us looks great. youthful complexions, lean and fit; we all stay out of the sun, eat our leafy greens, get eight hours of sleep (when we actually can sleep!). we're not at the office until midnight. we have nice family lives, nice vacations, good friends.

and yet, so many people are in the throws of life-altering surgeries, treatments, processes. the upside is that everyone seems to be making it through this mid-life crises, a little psychologically scarred, but well and kickin'. so is it just that, in addition to diet, exercise, and mental balance, we're also seeing doctors more frequently, getting full body scans, and listening to every creak and ache as if it's our last? and guess what? they're finding stuff!

so, despite all that we do, we have the anniversary of chernobyl behind us. we have good old fashioned american stress! we have over programming, and no safety nets. we have semi-nuclear, non-extended families. and al gore and ed begley junior scolding us for treating the environment so poorly (they're right - and maybe that's the root of all evils!).

i myself will have the opportunity to ponder all of this tomorrow when i go for my regularly scheduled stress test. geez, i hope they don't kick my tires and look under the hood. i kind of feel like they're going to give me one of those stickers that they put on the windshield - good until 65,000 miles, then come back for a tune up! everyone, and i mean everyone, we know has a story. and it's not just about aging parents and the like. it's US ... the forty and fifty year olds. we're not worried about covering our gray hairs ... we've got more pressing issues!

let's keep going, keep rooting for each other! we've all come this far - broken hearts (literally), cancer here there and everywhere, kidney stones, and mystery ailments ... hang in there, we're all still standing, and, with a little help from our friends, we'll be doing so for quite some time!

here we go ...

today, well - you know the drill ... a little café gitane, a walk with pam, the book store, some shopping - really nice! it is so great being downtown - feeling ALIVE, out of our usual skin, and good for the spirits (not to mention fun!). even the kids come along, which is a nice treat, and despite threats of mutiny for arising so early, they are good with the whole thing.

the afternoon is relaxing at home - jane taking it easy in preparation for tomorrow, andi and some friends building ancient rome in a day (clay), and marlee and jared catching up on some work and hanging out. i cook for hours - it seems as if we need a real sunday night dinner - and it's nice being in the kitchen without having to rush.

it's hard to believe that tomorrow jane goes under the knife as it were - her surgery is a 3 hour affair, but she is scheduled to be back home by the early evening ... we pack up and get organized, the kids will manage on their own after school (!) and i'll stay at the hospital for the duration. i really believe that receiving the final version of the implants will bring a sense of completeness to this 'process' - maybe not necessarily to the whole breast cancer event and ensuing ramifications, but at minimum to the physical effects. already her figure is coming back into line, where she feels more naturally comfortable - the chemo really does a number on 'ya! so i think this step will help ...

we'll keep you posted, it's going to be a long day!

h

juggling act

today is the end of a long, frightful week
we're happy it's over, it's not been a peak -
more like a valley all covered with gloom
the stress and anxiety the cause i presume!

as monday approaches and surgery beckons,
we seem to lose track of the minutes and seconds ...
the kids are consuming, but that's nothing new,
the hours for work, they kind of are few

we'll get back on track after monday is over,
and dream of safari seen from a range rover ...
a plan for south africa's finally been made,
to use up our tickets for which we had paid

but the end of the week brings a nice friday night
at our friends home we laugh and have fun - a nice sight
a dinner so tasty, with wine flowing too,
and company that makes us feel like brand new

there was a nice spot, with andi's big day,
the kids in circus school, and yet, some more play
and jared and marlee, the typical teens,
communicating and watching the games by all means

oh, and did i mention (this you won't believe)
the old mini cooper had a trick up it's sleeve -
i stopped off at staples to pick up some stuff,
and when i emerged, car is dead - that's enough!

alas, the weekend is here, we'll regroup and recharge,
we'll catch up at home, then you'll find us at large,
in new york, roaming streets, seeing old friends, with a drink -
a nice few days 'off' where we won't have to think

so monday begins a new phase on this path,
which is really quite quick if you do the right math-
in november it started, so five months have flown,
all that's happened, the effects could not have been known ...

thinking ahead

as jane recuperates, we all begin to think ahead ... a future free of complications (is there such a thing???). gilda and morris talk about coming for a visit, as do my parents. we are thinking a bit about our upcoming trip to miami for passover, and about summer camp, and even a summer adventure (sadly, july and august are the rainy season in ethiopia, so that may be out for now). we discuss next february, perhaps a reconfigured trip to asia, or maybe brazil, south africa, argentina?

the point is, we are now measuring time and distance by different standards ... not by the next 'treatment', or surgery - no, now we are back to regular standard time. the parameters are once again school breaks, work schedules, and holidays - the good 'ol normal stuff. and what a relief!

today we enjoy breakfast in the city, as usual, but with the kids this time. we languish in the bookstore on prince street, go for a walk through chinatown (sunny but brisk), and make our way home for r&r mid-afternoon. last night we enjoy an middle-eastern movie with friends (the band's visit) and a delicious dinner out ... so much fun, so normal and relaxed.

we do have one step next monday, a week from tomorrow - jane's reconstructive surgery, which is more of a 'procedure' than anything, and they're predicting that she'll be out and about the day after ... so it's all good. another blip on life's radar (and hopefully nothing more than that). what's nice is that she'll be 'done' by the time we leave for passover ...

the journey continues, and expands ...

the unbearable lightness of being

a new week begins - kids at home after a hectic weekend (jared in canada, marlee at bff bat mitzvah, andi out on the town) and all return to school tomorrow following five days off ...

we too have had a 'busy' weekend, with many friends popping in to say hello and give jane a hug. it is so lovely staying connected - gives one a sense of normalcy.

we lumber on, enjoying the gorgeous day ... i even take jane for a drive, and we cruise along the highway looking at the past-peak foliage (no deep metaphor implied).

today it seems as if we are at a turning point. the dramatic surgery is over, we are 'digesting' cancer, and the patient is on the mend.

yet tonight we pass into the next phase. what happens now? what do we do to ensure that jane stays healthy? we are in limbo - past the point of the initial euphoria following successful surgery, but not armed with all of the information that will set us on the 'course' towards full recovery.

can we really ever do all that needs to be done to 'dodge the cancer bullet'? what will be necessary? redundant? damaging? lacking in vision? we will see this week, as reports come back, information is assessed, oncologists are interviewed, web sites perused.

today tells us that there's lots to be done, a path to be chosen, a big responsibility.

but for now, onward ho with the healing, the recuperation, the forced 'r & r' ... the order of the day ...

h

monday, monday

a bit of laughter today, along with a dose of silent resignation, a slice of humble pie, and general feeling of keep on movin' on.

jane is back to work today - me too, although the kids are home for veteran's day. crepes, cocoa, cookies - young ones coming and going - and despite being hectic, a welcome distraction and kind of nice. jane speaks to the powers that be at work about logistics, all very supportive and helpful - and as breast cancer rears it's ugly head over and over, no longer shocking to hear the news. sad.

jane is eager to have the surgery right away - of course, we haven't actually BEEN to the surgeon yet, so it's conjecture right now, although all indicators are pointing in that direction. tomorrow is the mri - no metal - that's all we need, for someone to lose an eye during a diagnostic test! oy! i hope to join her at the office for that, although she professes not to need me. having had mri's before, i've try to inform her that it's horrible! being stuck in that tube - open, closed - ugghhh! i've suggested a tranquilizer (for me? her?), although she feigns a lack of claustrophobia (we'll see tomorrow!). her appointment with the surgeon is on wednesday, and we hope to NOT be waiting for hours to see the doctor.

we have not discussed this with the kids yet - we'll wait until we have more definitive answers, at which point i'm certain they will have absolutely NO reaction whatsoever (and will go back to their own bubbles!). fine. everyone else is the issue. well, not issue, really. we have no intention of 'hiding' this from anyone (as if that would be possible) and in order to keep everyone in the loop we will publish this blog. we can do a good bit of advocacy for the cause, and simultaneously keep those who want to check in informed about our progress. jane is horrified at this proposal, but relents when i point out that it will reduce phone tag during recuperation.

so, mint tea, a nice dinner, and an early evening ... everyone is back into the routine tomorrow. a good night's rest is what the doctor calls for -

h