feeling very flip

it comes to our attention, as jane's hair grows in and she still sports her funky wigs, that perhaps this is a good solution for everyone's bad hair days! we attend a concert from andi's hebrew school on thursday evening, and jane and i conclude that most of the female spectators should, in fact, tidy up their act and spring for a wig!

although we have entered our proverbial spring - jane's come out of the long winter, feeling renewed now that most everything is 'done' - we still glumly wait for the meteorological spring! where is the sun? where is the heat? yes, we have green leaves - of course, it has been raining for days, what do you expect?

just two years ago, we celebrated jared's bar mitzvah - lovely! in honor of his big day, we throw up a tent in the backyard and say 'hey, come on over' to 250 people. lovely. hmmm, not so sure about the weather, particularly with these same conditions persisting for weeks on end preceding the festivities. and guess what? last year, we celebrate marlee's bat mitzvah - but we get smart - celebratory lunch INSIDE that time! and both days end up being perfect, so we'll take this solar lapse without a sense of foreboding, thank you.

just yesterday, i have a heart to heart with JC - he always can pick apart a situation and be incredibly insightful and wise. so, he duly notes that prior to our miami excursion, jane and i seem tense, on edge, frazzled. and it is so - and we didn't even realize it fully until we are relaxing by the pool. we come back refreshed, united, happy, light. i am espousing the virtues of our newly refound family harmony - so nice.

jane comes home not one hour later, and as we are dressing to go out for lunch with vivi and eddie, she totally and completely and utterly freaks out AT me! unprovoked attack - really, no weapons of mass destruction here! she goes berserk, i just smile, and a minute later she's downstairs looking lovely, saying she isn't quite sure what happened up there. no big deal, we laugh and lunch! quite funny actually, having just told my friend how nice it is to have our peaceful ways return!

and a nice lunch - friday afternoon with friends, out, with a glass of wine - what could be better! we catch up and have a great time. kids descend from all corners, the shabbat table grows from 5 to 6 to 8 to 9, and i scurry about shopping, chopping, boiling, roasting, baking - really nice to be back on the game, serving instead of being served (not that we don't appreciate that!). we're just back on our own two (or four) feet, and boy, does it feel good.

now where's that hebrew barack obama bumper sticker i ordered???

juggling act

today is the end of a long, frightful week
we're happy it's over, it's not been a peak -
more like a valley all covered with gloom
the stress and anxiety the cause i presume!

as monday approaches and surgery beckons,
we seem to lose track of the minutes and seconds ...
the kids are consuming, but that's nothing new,
the hours for work, they kind of are few

we'll get back on track after monday is over,
and dream of safari seen from a range rover ...
a plan for south africa's finally been made,
to use up our tickets for which we had paid

but the end of the week brings a nice friday night
at our friends home we laugh and have fun - a nice sight
a dinner so tasty, with wine flowing too,
and company that makes us feel like brand new

there was a nice spot, with andi's big day,
the kids in circus school, and yet, some more play
and jared and marlee, the typical teens,
communicating and watching the games by all means

oh, and did i mention (this you won't believe)
the old mini cooper had a trick up it's sleeve -
i stopped off at staples to pick up some stuff,
and when i emerged, car is dead - that's enough!

alas, the weekend is here, we'll regroup and recharge,
we'll catch up at home, then you'll find us at large,
in new york, roaming streets, seeing old friends, with a drink -
a nice few days 'off' where we won't have to think

so monday begins a new phase on this path,
which is really quite quick if you do the right math-
in november it started, so five months have flown,
all that's happened, the effects could not have been known ...

i love, i love, i love my calendar girl!

it seems like just yesterday. me - in my hotel room overlooking pristine lake gisenyi, on the border with the democratic republic of congo, in rwanda. pondering the tranquility of the scene, juxtaposed with the humanitarian and political crisis just over the border post. jane - at home in wintry new york, learning that she has a chance to maximize her odds of not having any sort of cancer recurrence, and exploring chemotherapy as an option.

at the time, we agree that it's probably the best thing to do, and that if we cancel our trip to hong kong and tokyo, jane can start the first of four treatment straight away in january. "i'll be done by march 7th", i remember. surprising short and manageable, and yet excruciatingly far away.

well, here we are. tomorrow is march 7th, the last of four sessions. it's all quite pedestrian now - the netflix movies, the seltzer bottles, the colorful bag full of 'stuff' purchased in amsterdam over thanksgiving weekend, the headphones to drown out the loud tv played by one of the patients who's always there. then grand luxe for a salad, home for a latté, and winding down with a lovely shabbat dinner brought by friends (this week, the nassims - thanks!). a routine that, despite making the best of a bad situation, we will be happy to say 'good riddance' to!

of course, it's not like waving a magic wand. it will take a few weeks for jane to feel back to herself (this last 'recovery' was particularly arduous), and then the real recuperation takes place ... back to exercise, hair eventually growing back, chemo brain (chemo-nesia) lifting, shifted weight disappearing. a nip and tuck here and there, and it will be like a bad dream!

that day in rwanda, hearing the news, seems like a moment ago and a million miles away. the end of this part of the journey ushers in a new period ...

it's a family affair ...

chemo 101 -

oy! jane - SO nervous this morning, literally on the verge of freaking out ... deep, cleansing breaths i tell her ... hee, hee, hahhh; hee, hee, hahh ... anyhow, that doesn't work!

bags packed, we head off - jared leaves for school, andi goes to max's house for breakfast, marlee hitches a ride with us, and we travel silently (like lambs to slaughter) to winthrop university hospital. we are there early - 8:30 am - and the staff is so nice, gentle, easy. we are shown to a semi-private space for the treatment, where i set up the dvd player, kashi bars, seltzer, meringues, pretzels, and swedish fish ... and jane settles in for the next few hours. somehow we feel better just being there, and the air of inevitability and impending doom seems to subside ...

it's nice and quiet, and they set jane up quickly. she reclines in a big comfy lounger, and i'm beside her (getting the movie helvetica ready for our viewing). everything is going fine, until they actually start the i.v. drip that has the chemo medicine in it - jane turns beet red, is burning up, and has back pain ... they immediately 'stop' the drip and call in the oncologist, who is really a fantastic and knowledgeable guy. he is there in a flash, makes some great recommendations, and gets things set up so she can handle this smoothly. she's on anti-nausea medication too, so they hope for a smooth treatment.

as it turns out, dr. hindenburg brings good news - the other 'oncotype' test has come back, even more positive than the first - jane has a very low risk of recurrence over the long term based on that cancer site that was removed - great!!!

we are back on track, medications running, all is good, jane is relaxed. we munch on snacks, drink liters of seltzer, and watch the flick - although i do have to make a quick target run for a couple of headsets as someone else is being treated nearby and they have their tv set blaring. [of course, i am stuck behind a woman at target who is refuting the price of charmin toilet tissues, then proceeds to pay with a gift card, coupons, and small unmarked bills - ugggghhhh - only when you're in a rush!].

chemo goes fine, we watch another movie titled god grew tired of us about the 'lost boys' of sudan - nothing like seeing something more depressing than your own life! i jest, the movie is extremely uplifting and highlights the positive aspects of human nature in the face of man's baser instincts. makes me reminisce about africa a little ...

so what was supposed to be over by 11 am concludes at 1 pm ... feeling and looking perfectly fine, we wrap up our goodies and leave. jane is amazing! totally okay! we pop into roosevelt field so she can pick up her wig - somehow we've imagined that all of her hair will fall out immediately upon treatment, which of course does NOT happen to anyone. it takes about two weeks, but we figured we'd be prepared.

back home, we have an enormous gourmet lunch - butternut squash bisque, arugula with roasted chicken, potato, yellow wax beans, caramelized carrots - we're stuffed! i'm delighted jane has an appetite. we do some computing, and as i'm typing i notice that my hand is going momentarily weak - on and off - which jane diagnoses as carpal tunnel syndrome (just shoot me now and spare me!).

shabbat dinner is lovingly dropped off by laury - wine, challah, flowers, homemade delicacies, and dessert - affording us the opportunity to sit down together as a family and make today a 'normal' day while having a home cooked meal ... so incredible, the effort and meaning of this thoughtful gift!

we all try on the wig - personally, i think it looks pretty darn good on all of us, and is least noticeable on jane as it is the same as her current 'do'. i'm thinking of a transplant when all of this is wrapped up!

shabbat shalom,

h