colon farrell

oh, how to be of a 'certain age'. this morning i undergo a colonoscopy-on-the-run ... in and out with a clean (and after yesterday's prep, i do mean CLEAN!) bill of health. why now, pre-50 per the normal recommendations? simple - jane's stint with breast cancer ... shaken to the core, feeling vulnerable and as if our bodies could turn on us at any moment. i do a stress test, am checked out like woody allen - head to toe - still convinced that the other shoe could drop at any moment.

of course, all of that fatalism for both of us is balanced by driving into the city each night in a tiny car, negating the heavy trucks and city fumes all around us ... all in pursuit of the perfect glass of wine and cheese plate at oh-so-hip out of the way spots. living life as if all that is noted in paragraph one doesn't really pertain to us.

so, it's really a matter of balancing being close to 50, wanting to be 25, and falling somewhere in the middle.

life is complicated! and fun ...

now that's better

sometimes when things don't seem to be going right, you realize it's all in the attitude.

i honestly believe that part of the bad karma we've been feeling, oozing, living, has to do with our general outlook.

cancer + age - (insecurity in future x teenage years) + college = insanity!

we have a late dinner with the kids and marlee's friend. baguette, smoked salmon, assorted cheeses, salad - light and easy. marlee's friends' father comes in and tells us he's struck by the spirit of place, by color, by youth. and he talks - about books, intellect, ego - and we realize ... all is not lost! there is hope! sometimes it just takes someone else to say, in their own unobtrusive way - "hey, it's all okay!". an impartial observer if you will.

so that's how the day wraps up - maybe, on top of everything, we're just overexposed to the craziness of american culture - the hummers, the fake body parts, the constant drive for more - and we haven't had that family dose of foreign travel. so we've gone a bit stir crazy, demented. and we just need to be snapped back into shape and get our act together.

hopefully we're blindly moving in the right direction, heaven knows we need it. we had a more youthful, unbeaten spirit after jane was diagnosed and had surgery than we have at this point -doesn't really make any sense.

so thanks to this new acquaintance for shaking us up a bit with an infusion of positivity!