colon farrell

oh, how to be of a 'certain age'. this morning i undergo a colonoscopy-on-the-run ... in and out with a clean (and after yesterday's prep, i do mean CLEAN!) bill of health. why now, pre-50 per the normal recommendations? simple - jane's stint with breast cancer ... shaken to the core, feeling vulnerable and as if our bodies could turn on us at any moment. i do a stress test, am checked out like woody allen - head to toe - still convinced that the other shoe could drop at any moment.

of course, all of that fatalism for both of us is balanced by driving into the city each night in a tiny car, negating the heavy trucks and city fumes all around us ... all in pursuit of the perfect glass of wine and cheese plate at oh-so-hip out of the way spots. living life as if all that is noted in paragraph one doesn't really pertain to us.

so, it's really a matter of balancing being close to 50, wanting to be 25, and falling somewhere in the middle.

life is complicated! and fun ...

hit me with your best shot

jane and i are considering shooting each other at the age of 50.

stents, cancers, colonoscopies, and the myriad of diseases (and tests thereof) that await us do not entice. so we are considering expiring, like old milk with yesterday's sell-by date, at the ripe old age of 50. it's all too much work ... high cholesterol, low self esteem, mid-life crisis; hypertension, hypoglycemia - too many ups and downs! how's a human to bear it all???

in the good ol' days, a decent bout of scurvy or plague would finish you off ... none of these antibiotic-resistant 'strains' to come back and haunt you. and if you were concerned about leaving your loved ones behind, there was no need for alarm, as rampant infestations generally took the whole village with them! a good thirty years of milking the cows, ploughing the wheat asunder, fetching water from the well, and then they'd find you - stiff as board, propped up in the field.

we're too fat. we're too thin. more protein. fat-free. lactose intolerant. carbs will kill 'ya. ugghhh. cat scans. mri scans. pet scans. pet dander. what's a human to do?

and even if you do make it past 50, something's always lurking around the corner. for example, take the case of the oldest living creature on the planet. recently, said mollusk, hitherto unnoticed by fish and fowl, lay dormant beneath the ocean floor. along came a scuba scientist, and recognizing it's unique lineage by the many rings generated on the shell, snatched the unsuspecting specimen and scurried back to the lab. where the unfortunate clam was expediently pried open to reveal it's actual age (an incredible 400 plus years!). and where the unlucky animal also immediately expired (as a result of being pried open to reveal that it was the oldest living creature on the planet). they just couldn't leave the poor guy alone (must have been a guy, for all the obvious reasons).

on the other hand, think of impoverished van gogh. paints a few multi-million dollar paintings and ends it all before reaping a single penny. hhhmmmmm.

on second thought, maybe we should stay along for the ride - whatever potholes it may hold in store ...

h