disco fever (stayin' alive)

some things just work better when set to music ...

for example, our lives of late. in my quest for exploring the bounds of my own artistic creativity, i have taken to blaring house music during the day while splicing, drawing, cutting, pasting, and painting. it puts me in a groove of sorts, and allows me to 'fall into' what i'm doing. it also takes away all other distractions - strange noises, phones ringing, etc. - and affords me the opportunity to focus on the task at hand.

marlee kind of moves to this groove too - she constantyl has music blaring, or i-pod swirling, etc. and it seems to work for her - she's always happy and laughing. so i've decided to give it and try, and guess what? it's a fabulous mood enhancer! so i bop away - during grocery shopping at fairway, whilst making beds, tidying up, etc.. kind of like setting your life to a musical score.

as noted previously, jane is falling under the weight of life - primarily self-imposed in my humble opinion, but nonetheless feeling the drag. what becomes apparent last night, as we put on our disco clothes to attend a bar mitzah in the city, is that 'we've got the music in us'. a bit of treble and bass clef wafting through the air permeates our senses - and lifts our spirits! we shimmy, boogie, and jingle to the beat - and for the duration, all is fine! in fact, the party continues on the ride home ...

so, here goes, a summer full of music - who knows, it just might make the difference!

dance, dance, dance

we have been, for the most part, off of the party circuit lately. evenings out have consisted pretty much of time with close friends, quiet dinners, or walks in the city. jane is doing really, really well post surgery, and it is definitely another marker on the road back ... and it feels good.

today we have the opportunity to be at the bar mitzvah of close friends. what is particularly inspiring in this case is the closeness and participatory nature of the family - everyone is supportive, humorous, funny, and committed. grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles - everyone takes part in the ceremony, and not in a perfunctory way ... really connected to the bar mitzvah boy and the program at hand.

this spirit continues into the evening party, which has a 60's theme. jane dons new duds, purchased during a recent outing we had at h&m - she's sporting a long, red wig (thanks dani!), bell bottoms, flower power top, tattoos - and looks great! we dance the night away, have fun with our own friends, rock to the music - and bask in the glow coming from the host family. they are totally into the whole theme, doing oh-so-bad rhyme candlelightings (too hysterical!) and vamping it up in amazing costumes. it's great seeing a group of people who are 'up' and happy like this - as inspirational to us as anything we can think of.

so thanks levines for showing us a great time, a bright spot of late. topped off with genuine ladurée macarons from paris, delivered by ruth (she's the best!) - not too shabby!

surely you can't be serious!

yes, i am, and don't call me shirley!

today is 31 march, shirley jones' birthday. you may know her better as shirley partridge, the painted-bus-driving-velvet-pantsuit-kvetching mother of partridge family fame. ahhh, a simpler time ... david cassidy at the kissing booth, laurie's braces picking up npr, reuben kincaid and the sandwich that is named after him (j.k.) ... childhood, youth, vim, and vigor!

alas, now we sit with reading glasses perched on the rim of our noses, in bed at an untimely 9:30 pm whilst children watch hockey games, re-read a series of unfortunate events, and arrange sleeping arrangements in camp cabins with friends online. cancer is loosening it's grip and jane and i are back to quibbling about which continent to visit on our next journey, and whether we should err on the side of history, or pure hedonism. can't we do both?

one year ago, we find ourselves frantically thinking about preparing for marlee's upcoming bat mitzvah - which follows on the heels of jared's bar mitzvah one year earlier (which is preceded by a journey through the indian sub-continent and followed by a visit to amsterdam, a dream sequence in marrakech, and macarons in paris). thinking about being the operative words, and vowing that 'when it's all over' we will take it easy, not make plans, just go with the flow. then rwanda pops up, paris (again) too, and finally breast cancer rears it's ugly head. so much for taking it easy.

so now it is our time. to really put our noses to the grindstone, work, do the daily thing, and not focus on what's coming down the pike. put college (rightly) out of our heads. and just move forward, one step at a time.

so, happy birthday shirley! blow out the candles, and enjoy the moment!!! we think we love you!

looking for mrs. goodbar

not such a great start to the day.

it's saturday morning, and i'm expecting jane to sleep in. the sun is streaming into our bedroom, it's a gorgeous fall day, the kids are slumbering giants, and all is quiet. in the best of times, jane needs here sleep on the weekends - i'm usually up puttering, making crepes or muffins, then exercising, reading the sunday times (delivered on saturday), chillaxing as the kids say.

today i sleep until 7:30 - extremely late for me - and when i turn over, jane is up, on the computer, in bed beside me. she is furtively researching, scrolling, clicking, looking sternly at the screen. i'm afraid to ask what she's looking at, or what she's looking for. "what does it say", i query. "what did you find", i persist. "nothing", she answers blankly. hmmm. physician heal thyself may not be the best way to go here.

we make coffee and sip it out of our big, french 'bowls' and leaf through the paper. jane really is in disbelief. i am not. i suppose, being an eternal optimist and the one who is always full of hope (something great ALWAYS lies around the corner), it is odd that i concurrently am constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop (it has! ouch!).

exercise follows - we need to be 'strong' - then the kids are up. andi does a school packet on the floor beside me while i ride the stationary bike and watch paula dean on the food network. jane is still doing research in bed. when we regroup in the kitchen, andi and marlee make delicious cinnamon scones under my direction - they make an ungodly mess and i have infinite (uncharacteristic) patience. slow and steady.

the kids eat, we hang out, lounge about, and even jared is up. jane's decided to clean up her closet - a mess - although not in a 'i have cancer and need to take control of my life since i have no control over my body' sort of way, just something she's been meaning to get to. we have an afternoon bar mitzvah to attend this evening, local on long island, as well as a 'sex party' (not quite sure about the details) to celebrate a friend's fortieth birthday (downtown manhattan). recognizing that the two are mutually exclusive scheduling wise, we jettison the concept of going to the city at midnight ... under the best of circumstances we're under the covers with a glass of wine by 10pm every night. it's only noon and we practically have to start getting ready!

marlee tries on all of jane's clothes and shoes, piled up nilly willy around our clean and spartan room. it remains a beautiful day. what's going to happen to this very uncomplicated life we lead? lots of weekend time with the kids, hanging out in nolita or at the south shore beaches? how will jane fare? it will be strange for her - to 'lose' her rather well-endowed breasts. and what about her hair - flat ironed, colored, flowing - will she need treatment beyond our own self-diagnosed surgery? [she always wanted smaller boobs ... not the best way to go about it, darling]. personally, i don't care about any of that ... that sounds wrong ... i care, of course, if jane cares, but that does not 'define' her in my eyes. i just want her to be well.

we get dressed, jane looks lovely in her silver heels and hoops, her long, clingy hervé leger style dress that she picked up at the designer market on bleecker street. we make a rather dashing couple for old, washed up souls that we are - me in my black velvet h&m jacket and my newly sprouted mustache (the bane of jane and the kids' existence). jared is going out, marlee and andi will be home, and we are off too.

as we dance later at the party following the religious service, we are handed sunglasses as party favors while boogying on the floor. we both put them on, and suddenly jane looks like a young diane keaton in some movie - i can't recall - and i really see that we are at this stage in life. jane has cancer, we're swinging at an affair, and we're middle aged. we are, in fact, all grown up, at another crossroad. she looks beautiful, and i'm feeling a bit randy looking at her.