paris in the spring

we rarely need an excuse for an escape, although i'd say the last little bit has lead us to a hankering for all things french. a tartine at café sesame. a cheese plate at fromagerie 31. a glass of wine outside in st. germain. a late night romp through the palais de tokyo, or dancing on the batofar. or maybe a midnight movie at mk2.

i think that's a good sign - moving forward, thinking ahead - shopping, walking, bike riding, and general merriment (not the eliot spitzer kind, of course!). at least we know we're vulnerable, not like the governor! oh, when will they ever learn?

alas, no paris today, just back in the saddle (jared does remark after school that he feels as if he's been on holiday - he must have had some weekend, 'cuz i NEED a holiday!). jane is totally zombied from lack of sleep, although frankly this last round of chemo has not been nearly as bad as number 3. she's definitely a bit worn around the edges, but altogether whole and fine - last time it was as if she had been slammed against a wall. i'm sure that the psychological boost of completing this course is also physically uplifting. tomorrow we'll do a bit of shopping at lunchtime, maybe get some spring frocks to go with that mood.

jane is invited to join a trip to israel (ruth, you're the best!), but can't actually go as her surgery is scheduled for that time in early april ... too bad, i would have loved for her to go! we drop by a dear and hysterical friend late afternoon who just had a similar procedure to jane (yes, another), who's doing amazing! so happy to see!

kids have been good of late! outside playing ball, reading, i-chatting, and not completely and utterly hyper like normal. very sweet actually, nice to be in a good groove and not shrieking at the top of my lungs like usual.

so that's it for today - dinner's done, laundry's folded, lunches packed, work tied up - and chaos slowly but surely drawing to a close!

h

IN-A certain way...

many people have asked jane, throughout the last few months, how she has remained so upbeat and positive ... not letting things get her down OR slow her down.

i suppose, in part, that this is her nature ... she is in fact quite strong physically and emotionally, so that plays a great role in all of this. and her history - leaving iraq by force at the age of 10, moving to a new country with a new language, then repeating again at the age of 15 (although not a enforced relocation, formidable nonetheless). the rigors of medical school, residency, internships, fellowships, and then simply surviving new york, regular life, three kids, work, et al. ultimately, it all makes one stronger.

we have friends who have gone through really rough patches, and certainly one can reflect on any manner of humanity and see the horrible things that people endure, for no good reason. health is one thing (and when it goes in the wrong direction, very bad indeed), but think of unnecessary war, the genocide in rwanda, the holocaust, recent events in kenya - and it just leaves you scratching your head.

and then there is the matter of ina (my late sister), who passed away at the age of 30. today on her birthday, we think of how she lived, gracefully and full of dignity, with diabetes - trudging through, working, being a mother, sister, wife, friend, daughter, niece. we realize that, of course, it's how one lives that is critical. she is a figure who remains inspirational in the best way possible, and it's easy to recall how full of life she was on this, her 'special day'. it's too much to actually question 'why' or 'how' - just a matter of keeping on keeping on.

so, jane has had a good many examples to follow, to bolster her own innate positive outlook on things, and for that we are all thankful!

is real

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9:20 pm: jane - sore, full of aches, tired, leathery taste in mouth - generally feeling lousy - and the full effects of chemo upon her - so this is her pattern - icky on monday and tuesday before the upswing - she doesn't even insist on loading the dishwasher after barely eating dinner - that's how i know she's not sparkling!
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lately i have been working on the plans for a community trip to israel, this coming december. it's an exciting venture for me, not least because i have a warm and fuzzy feeling when i think of our family trips there.

what happy times - carefree, easy, delicious, relaxed, beachy, social, inspiring - and most critically, fun days and nights! this past august found us mostly hanging out on the shores of the mediterranean, eating (!), swimming, playing paddle ball, drinking (!), and soaking in the sun. we basically lived in bathing suits, showering on the beach only to be covered in sand again a few moments later ...

this came on the heels of a hectic summer - many weekends in canada, a splash out in paris, and a dose of africa. this following a bar and bat mitzvah, journeys far and wide (india, amsterdam, paris, marrakech, etc.) ... so the end of summer was to be a very mellow season.

and just when we said 'aaahhhh', we can breathe, we fall into the perils of health, which in addition to anxiety, lead to another frenetic era in our household. because it truly is not only the physiological concern, the stress, and the life altering thoughts that abound - it is all of the other 'stuff' that comes along with it. tests. days missed. treatments. plans postponed. questions unanswered. the frenzy of pre and post op. the calls. the emails. in other words, another 'busy' period.

and so it goes, one expects to repose and instead comes mass hysteria! alas, as noted previously, we can only take a deep breath, try to slow it all down, find our balance, maintain our equilibrium, and let life follow it's course. and when all else fails, there's café gitane every sunday morn'.